Lazy, apathetic, unmotivated, disinterested, pointless. Any tips?

whirlpool

I'm not going anonymous for this because I feel no shame or embarrassment or awkwardness about it. We are all human.

I have more or less always felt that there is zero point to life or living. (I genuinely believe that most people feel the same but have learned the art of distraction.) But once I made the decision to just get on with it, it was a case of making the most of it and enjoying it to the best of my ability.

However at various points in my life, I have stopped forcing myself to "just get on with it," and gone back to my original state of full awareness of "the pointlessness of it." What has never changed, however, is my insistence on just continuing on regardless. I have been fortunate that the thoughts of the pain that my loved ones would feel if I didn't continue on has kept me going.

But what this means for me is that I am carrying on regardless, with no real drive or point, because I'm only carrying on to keep my loved ones from feeling pain. It doesn't exactly motivate me to improve or progress my life.

When it comes to progressing my own life, I am lazy, apathetic, unmotivated and disinterested. I have tools and knowledge and support to progress in my life, but I just don't have any natural urge to do so - and so I don't. If you didn't see a real point in doing something, you're obviously not going to spend your energy on doing it.

I wish I felt there was any real point to life, other than avoiding my loved ones' emotional distress.

If somebody offered me a magic pill that said "If you take this, you will magically start to believe there is an extremely significant point to living, and you will be motivated to progress." I know anti-depressants are used for this. I am actually on them but I know that increasing the dosage would just be increasing the dosage of said magic pill, and wouldn't actually be changing "the fact" that there is no point to anything.

I'm just looking for tips on how to make myself feel (in a permanent way) that there is an actual point to life.

Just to add as clarification, I am not suicidal or considering suicide. I also do not believe I am unfortunate in any way. I am aware that I am incredibly fortunate and lucky for the caring, first-world environment I was born into.

Anyway, thanks!

systemicrisk

You are right. There probably is no overall "point" to life, no grand scheme that upon our death we level up. However there can be a point to your life and the great thing is you get to choose what that is. Do more things that make you smile and laugh. Spend more time with people that make you feel good. Travel. Decide what you can do workwise that you would enjoy somewhat and would let you lead the type of life you want to lead. Who knows you might meet someone and decide to settle down with children...or not. Who cares what the point is just enjoy the good parts of it and try not worry about the bad.

whirlpool

systemicrisk wrote: »

You are right. There probably is no overall "point" to life,

KNEW IT!

Your advice is good. Thanks.

McDonnellDean

You are correct, there is no point, that is the point, see: http://www.stanleycolors.com/2013/12/life-donuts/

Zed Bank

Yeah your not the only one, many people feel this way, some are better at hiding it than others. I feel a lot like this myself but I suppose I can blame it on hormones since im 17.

As for pratical solutions I would suggest doing simple things like changing the routine or taking up a new hobby. Cut all the ****e out of your diet and exercise more. Of course get enough sleep. Simple chemical changes in the body due to being healthy have an enormously positive effect on mood improving your general mood.

This is the kind of sfuff you hear all the time but thats because it works

Good luck

beks101

What sort of point are you looking for? Or are you focusing on the sole fact that we will all inevitably die and the memory of our lives will fade into nothing?

Because that's just the "death" part of it. Which, although everlasting, is just one stage in the cycle of life. I suppose in my low moments, that's what motivates me - the fact that once I reach that point there won't be a chance to breathe, speak, sleep, eat, explore, learn, travel, befriend, love, hate, **** up, struggle, laugh, cry, shout, hurt, whatever. That being here is a privilege and sort of a one-off thing, at the risk of sounding a bit cliched.

I think most of us are confronted with these philosophical questions from time to time, but I think the intense introspection and rumination that you're experiencing is probably symptomatic of the depression and it's probably a bit of a vicious circle - the "what's the point" thoughts motivate the inaction, inability to strive for anything or motivate yourself, resulting in you further "rutting" yourself and falling deeper into depression.

Personally, those sort of philosophical wonderings don't consume me and when they occur, they don't impact on my life or my actions. I'm pretty capable of sitting at home thinking about how we are all just powerless vessels walking towards the inevitable, and then getting up and meeting a group of friends for a pint, or going into work and kicking ass, or booking flights somewhere or going for a six mile run.

Because those are the things that make me happy. Those are the things that make me less introspective and make those kind of thoughts less loaded with despair/apathy/depression/whatever, and more objective musings than anything else.

I think you need to figure out how to get there. To get to the point where you can compartmentalize the "what's the point"s and build up an eventful, fulfilling life for yourself - to the point where that's in the foreground and the thoughts are in the background. They don't affect your moods.

*Is there anything in the world that gives you pleasure? Did you ever have any hobbies that you enjoyed - think back on your childhood, your adolescence - when were you most content? What were you doing, where were you with? When and where did you laugh last?

I think this will be one of those situations where you have to accept that a bit of ennui and discomfort will be inevitable for a while. Maybe it will always be there to an extent. I don't mean this in any kind of a facetious way at all, but you sound to me like you have quite a brilliant mind, an instinct for deep thought beyond what a lot of people experience - and that's as much a curse as a gift as you well know.

But I do think collaborating with your doc about the most suitable meds, bringing in to play some obvious lifestyle changes that can have a dramatic effect on your moods, engaging in regular counselling sessions with someone who you feel comfortable sharing this stuff with, and gradually introducing some new elements into your life - would all play a part in training your mind to think a bit more positively about it all.

*Not a doctor, or any kind of expert on depression, just speaking from the perspective of a human being with a lot of emotions and a few rambling thoughts, take them or leave them

whirlpool

McDonnellDean wrote: »

You are correct, there is no point, that is the point, see: http://www.stanleycolors.com/2013/12/life-donuts/

Love that.

Zed Bank wrote: »

Yeah your not the only one, many people feel this way, some are better at hiding it than others. I feel a lot like this myself but I suppose I can blame it on hormones since im 17.

As for pratical solutions I would suggest doing simple things like changing the routine or taking up a new hobby. Cut all the ****e out of your diet and exercise more. Of course get enough sleep. Simple chemical changes in the body due to being healthy have an enormously positive effect on mood improving your general mood.

This is the kind of sfuff you hear all the time but thats because it works

Good luck

I wish I had your wisdom when I was 17!
You're completely right - and I think it's just a case of being reminded of it. Thanks

McDonnellDean

Glad you did!

I know it seems a cop out but it's wonderfully simple in it's statement. Basically, there is no meaning to life so the best thing to do is make your own meaning. I don't mean something mad or out of character for you, even the little things can make great moments.

By way of example. I'm not one who likes kids, in fact, for the most part I detest them. However, my first child was born about a year ago and although I still hate (other peoples) kids I love her to death. The reason is it gave me a purpose I didn't have before. Personally I don't think I will ever end up in the history books, I'll probably fade from memory faster than most, owing to the fact that I would be a private enough person and wouldn't have a large social circle; But my daughter, she looks like she may do great things, so my purpose, to give her all the "tools" she needs to find her own way in all of this; It's a simple meaning but it satisfies me.

I think one of our greatest strengths, curiosity, is also our greatest weakness. We spend all this time searching for answers to questions that are just not that important. Consider this, if there is a meaning to life and we all knew it, would you feel any different? Now that you knew the answer what is the point in living on, sure there are billions of people to fill our shoes, one less wont make a difference.

My point is, you are ultimately the master of your own destiny, everyone is. It might be a little thing like correcting articles on Wikipedia or something bad like stealing, the actual thing you do to derive meaning is irrelevant. All that ultimately matters is that you derive purpose from it.

whirlpool

beks101 wrote: »

What sort of point are you looking for? Or are you focusing on the sole fact that we will all inevitably die and the memory of our lives will fade into nothing?

Because that's just the "death" part of it. Which, although everlasting, is just one stage in the cycle of life. I suppose in my low moments, that's what motivates me - the fact that once I reach that point there won't be a chance to breathe, speak, sleep, eat, explore, learn, travel, befriend, love, hate, **** up, struggle, laugh, cry, shout, hurt, whatever. That being here is a privilege and sort of a one-off thing, at the risk of sounding a bit cliched.

I think most of us are confronted with these philosophical questions from time to time, but I think the intense introspection and rumination that you're experiencing is probably symptomatic of the depression and it's probably a bit of a vicious circle - the "what's the point" thoughts motivate the inaction, inability to strive for anything or motivate yourself, resulting in you further "rutting" yourself and falling deeper into depression.

Personally, those sort of philosophical wonderings don't consume me and when they occur, they don't impact on my life or my actions. I'm pretty capable of sitting at home thinking about how we are all just powerless vessels walking towards the inevitable, and then getting up and meeting a group of friends for a pint, or going into work and kicking ass, or booking flights somewhere or going for a six mile run.

Because those are the things that make me happy. Those are the things that make me less introspective and make those kind of thoughts less loaded with despair/apathy/depression/whatever, and more objective musings than anything else.

I think you need to figure out how to get there. To get to the point where you can compartmentalize the "what's the point"s and build up an eventful, fulfilling life for yourself - to the point where that's in the foreground and the thoughts are in the background. They don't affect your moods.

*Is there anything in the world that gives you pleasure? Did you ever have any hobbies that you enjoyed - think back on your childhood, your adolescence - when were you most content? What were you doing, where were you with? When and where did you laugh last?

I think this will be one of those situations where you have to accept that a bit of ennui and discomfort will be inevitable for a while. Maybe it will always be there to an extent. I don't mean this in any kind of a facetious way at all, but you sound to me like you have quite a brilliant mind, an instinct for deep thought beyond what a lot of people experience - and that's as much a curse as a gift as you well know.

But I do think collaborating with your doc about the most suitable meds, bringing in to play some obvious lifestyle changes that can have a dramatic effect on your moods, engaging in regular counselling sessions with someone who you feel comfortable sharing this stuff with, and gradually introducing some new elements into your life - would all play a part in training your mind to think a bit more positively about it all.

*Not a doctor, or any kind of expert on depression, just speaking from the perspective of a human being with a lot of emotions and a few rambling thoughts, take them or leave them

Very thoughtful post, which I appreciate. And you make a lot of sense. And the part that I highlighted is the part that struck me the most - I think it will help me a lot to just accept that this feeling is what it is and it will not last, so just go along for the ride for the moment.

Fentdog84

I saw a video on youtube one day(cant remember the guys name, some social scientist) which struck a chord with me on this pointlessness of life issue. The reason we do the things we do and are motivated to do them i.e get up in the morning , eat, socialize, get a job, get a relationship, have kids etc are caused by many external factors and unknown causes. In other words none of us are intrinsically motivated, but all our actions are caused by outside factors. For example, even something simple like getting up in the morning, we do so becuase if we didnt we would become restless and hungry etc. The fact that we are bored causes us to do something to arrest that. A lot of what we do is out of our control and we just react to situations. You could apply that to almost anything in life. It makes sense to me and when i compare myself to someone who is doing better than me in life i just realize that they are just reacting to causes the same way i am and if i was in their shoes id probably be doing the same things. I dont know if it makes sense or makes you feel any better but it made me see the world in a different light.

whirlpool

Fentdog84 wrote: »

I saw a video on youtube one day(cant remember the guys name, some social scientist) which struck a chord with me on this pointlessness of life issue. The reason we do the things we do and are motivated to do them i.e get up in the morning , eat, socialize, get a job, get a relationship, have kids etc are caused by many external factors and unknown causes. In other words none of us are intrinsically motivated, but all our actions are caused by outside factors. For example, even something simple like getting up in the morning, we do so becuase if we didnt we would become restless and hungry etc. The fact that we are bored causes us to do something to arrest that. A lot of what we do is out of our control and we just react to situations. You could apply that to almost anything in life. It makes sense to me and when i compare myself to someone who is doing better than me in life i just realize that they are just reacting to causes the same way i am and if i was in their shoes id probably be doing the same things. I dont know if it makes sense or makes you feel any better but it made me see the world in a different light.

Would love to see this video.

thegreatgonzo

whirlpool wrote: »

. (I genuinely believe that most people feel the same but have learned the art of distraction.)

I don't agree with this statement. There are just too many inspiring people in the world who have dedicated their lives to a higher purpose, or who have an active sense of spirituality to just dismiss it as practising distraction techniques. I'm not saying that they are serene 24 hours a day or never experience doubt but they have given their lives value by being generous with their own particular talents or abilities and by doing so make the world a better place for others.
I think we are all here to help each other out and make the journey a bit easier for everyone. I'm lucky enough to know several people who make a conscious effort to do this everyday too.

LegacyUser

It's quite a coincidence, for me, that Whirlpool started this thread as I've been thinking about starting a very similar one for some time now. And yes, my state of mind is very much like yours, Whirlpool. It's easy to think your state of mind is unique, but the reality is many people feel the same way. And it's also very obvious to me that age is irrelevant. Zed Bank is 17 and attributes his feelings to teenage growing pains. I wish I could do likewise. But, I cannot. I'm close to the wrong end of my 30s.

For the best part of my 30s I have been in and out of a rut where I regularly wondered what the hell is the point of me making any kind of effort to push myself forward and seek out those things that I know I could, and should, be succeeding at. Like you, Whirlpool, I have pretty much everything going for me. Good education, solid job, supportive/loving family, good friends, A1 health. I was regularly told when I was going through school that I could do pretty much anything I wanted to, but find myself in the run into 40 with little to show for my life. Nothing I feel I can build on, or even something to take a little mild satisfaction in.

Turning 40 doesn't hold any fears for me, incidentally. In a way I'm quite looking forward to that stage of my life, but perhaps in some wildly optimistic belief that it will be the point in my life when I finally turn things around and make something of myself. But hey, it beats the alternative, right? Pessimism just doesn't work and I'm glad to say it's never a path I've taken.

I like some of the things Beks 101 says, and her/his point about the ennui and discomfort is a good one. Sunday afternoons/evenings were never a good time for me. It's a time when that same ennui and discomfort is really ratcheted up. I suspect it goes back to a childhood spent cramming in homework that should have been tackled earlier in the weekend, but the psyche can hold a feeling for a long time and it's only since I started making those same Sundays the best day of my week have I managed to knock that little problem on the head. Perhaps in doing that I am running away from the problem, but my weekends are a hell of a lot more enjoyable for it.

In the last 6 months or so I have made an effort to address these issues and get my life moving. One thing I did do was return to some of the things I was good at in my youth. They say it can rekindle carefree and joyous feelings that we probably didn't feel all those years ago, but later in life when burdened with everyday responsibilites and worries, can make a real difference to our state of mind.

It won't happen overnight and you can be sure it's the journey itself that will heal, rather than the goal that we might never reach.

EdwardCastle

whirlpool wrote: »

I have more or less always felt that there is zero point to life or living. (I genuinely believe that most people feel the same but have learned the art of distraction.) But once I made the decision to just get on with it, it was a case of making the most of it and enjoying it to the best of my ability.

You are wrong, there are two points to life!

1. To have your genetic code carried to the next generation of human.

2. To contribute, so that your species can evolve, progress and develop further going into the future. Nobody knows what the end game is, you either have the inner desire to dig in or don't.

If you haven't the desire then that's just nature calling you out as 'obsolete'. So the choice is yours, get busy living and contributing or just be another wandering pointless number.

Call Me Jimmy

Have you tried not distracting yourself? It's good that your thinking like this because you'll make peace with it all sooner!

Persiancowboy

Life is a terminal disease.....

whirlpool

EdwardCastle wrote: »

You are wrong, there are two points to life!

1. To have your genetic code carried to the next generation of human.

2. To contribute, so that your species can evolve, progress and develop further going into the future. Nobody knows what the end game is, you either have the inner desire to dig in or don't.

If you haven't the desire then that's just nature calling you out as 'obsolete'. So the choice is yours, get busy living and contributing or just be another wandering pointless number.

The world is already dangerously over-populated, so this isn't a concern of mine. In fact, the world needs less people.

whirlpool

Sellotape_Sells wrote: »

It's quite a coincidence, for me, that Whirlpool started this thread as I've been thinking about starting a very similar one for some time now. And yes, my state of mind is very much like yours, Whirlpool. It's easy to think your state of mind is unique, but the reality is many people feel the same way. And it's also very obvious to me that age is irrelevant. Zed Bank is 17 and attributes his feelings to teenage growing pains. I wish I could do likewise. But, I cannot. I'm close to the wrong end of my 30s.

For the best part of my 30s I have been in and out of a rut where I regularly wondered what the hell is the point of me making any kind of effort to push myself forward and seek out those things that I know I could, and should, be succeeding at. Like you, Whirlpool, I have pretty much everything going for me. Good education, solid job, supportive/loving family, good friends, A1 health. I was regularly told when I was going through school that I could do pretty much anything I wanted to, but find myself in the run into 40 with little to show for my life. Nothing I feel I can build on, or even something to take a little mild satisfaction in.

Turning 40 doesn't hold any fears for me, incidentally. In a way I'm quite looking forward to that stage of my life, but perhaps in some wildly optimistic belief that it will be the point in my life when I finally turn things around and make something of myself. But hey, it beats the alternative, right? Pessimism just doesn't work and I'm glad to say it's never a path I've taken.

I like some of the things Beks 101 says, and her/his point about the ennui and discomfort is a good one. Sunday afternoons/evenings were never a good time for me. It's a time when that same ennui and discomfort is really ratcheted up. I suspect it goes back to a childhood spent cramming in homework that should have been tackled earlier in the weekend, but the psyche can hold a feeling for a long time and it's only since I started making those same Sundays the best day of my week have I managed to knock that little problem on the head. Perhaps in doing that I am running away from the problem, but my weekends are a hell of a lot more enjoyable for it.

In the last 6 months or so I have made an effort to address these issues and get my life moving. One thing I did do was return to some of the things I was good at in my youth. They say it can rekindle carefree and joyous feelings that we probably didn't feel all those years ago, but later in life when burdened with everyday responsibilites and worries, can make a real difference to our state of mind.

It won't happen overnight and you can be sure it's the journey itself that will heal, rather than the goal that we might never reach.

Good post

Lux23

whirlpool wrote: »

The world is already dangerously over-populated, so this isn't a concern of mine. In fact, the world needs less people.

In some parts of the world, in others parts, people with the same viewpoint are afraid to breed! I think a child would do you good. Give you that purpose.

whirlpool

Lux23 wrote: »

In some parts of the world, in others parts, people with the same viewpoint are afraid to breed! I think a child would do you good. Give you that purpose.

I don't think that creating yet another human being would help with my belief that there is no point to human beings.

Anyway, it was just a passing feeling. I get it every couple of months. I'm coming out of it now.