How to Let Her Go

OrangeAndBlack

My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago. We had been together for 9 months and had been friends for awhile beforehand. It was the most perfect relationship. We hid nothing from each other, were completely on the same page, wanted the same things from life and never once had an argument.

She had been suffering from depression for the last few months and its been affecting her a lot (losing weight, losing sleep, losing passion for her hobbies) and I was helping her through this. Suddenly she broke up with me out of nowhere saying she needed to be on her own to deal with her issues and that while she loved me so much, she felt she wasn't in love with me the way she should be. This really came out of nowhere.

I cant stop thinking this is a symptom of her depression. I look back on our relationship and it was simply perfect. The fact that I cannot find one fault with it makes it very hard to let go. Deep deep in my gut, this just feels completely wrong.

I have been through break ups before where I have had my heart broken but deep down, I knew that they weren't right..... this time, it just feels so different. It feels so wrong.

I know I have to let her go. She has issues she has to deal with but how do I let go of something that feels so wrong to let go of??

Has anyone been through this with a depressed partner? Or am I just deluding myself.

beks101

You might not be deluding yourself, but at the same time you have to respect your girlfriend and understand that despite the depression, she still is capable of making decisions that she feels are right for her.

This may be the wrong thing for you, but maybe it's the right thing for her. Or maybe this will be something she'll live to regret. But it's still HER regret to make, you know?

All you can do is express that you feel differently, tell her you love her and give her the space that she needs.

MugMugs

beks101 wrote: »

All you can do is express that you feel differently, tell her you love her and give her the space that she needs.

+1 Million

In the same breath, don't waste your life waiting for her to maybe change her mind or clinging onto what "could" be.

You need to move on. Nobody is perfect in this world and unwanted singledom only serves to make one party forget the bad bits.

Bring yourself back to earth a remember the bad as well as the good and respect your ex and move on.

IF she ever changes her mind and IF you haven't found somebody else more worthy of your time and love then maybe you can rekindle but you really need to work on yourself right and move past this girl.

Merkin

OrangeAndBlack wrote: »

She had been suffering from depression for the last few months and its been affecting her a lot (losing weight, losing sleep, losing passion for her hobbies) and I was helping her through this. Suddenly she broke up with me out of nowhere saying she needed to be on her own to deal with her issues and that while she loved me so much, she felt she wasn't in love with me the way she should be.

You know I dated someone once who I was very fond of. They disclosed they had bipolar and quite soon after he went into a very negative cycle indeed. We were only seeing each other a few months, and as someone with compassion and empathy in spades, I found myself being a sounding board/psychologist/and essentially an on-call nurse as he "couldn't do without" me. I pulled the plug on it which may seem harsh but I felt the relationship was evolving into a patient/carer dynamic where an unhealthy dependency was rearing it's head.

You clearly state above that you were helping her through her depression and while that is admirable, I am sure she doesn't want a situation whereby you're her shoulder to cry on more often than not. I'm married now and should some illness God forbid befall Mr. Merkin then of course I would support him in any way possible (in sickness and in health after all) but I don't think anyone would want or expect a new partner in a fledgling relationship to help them to cope. Too much pressure on both parties. She sounds like she has an awful lot of issues to deal with and if she has asked for space to do so then you have to take her at her word and allow her to do that.

I know it's hard, especially when you feel like you had such a connection, but sometimes we need to be on our own in order to really give recovery the best shot. I'm afraid in this instance, if you love her like you say, then you have to let her go hon.

CaraMay

Op it was perfect for you but tbh it wasn't for her. As others have said, tell her you live her then move on and live your life. If her illness can change her this dramatically then maybe long term it's best for you that you are not with her.

OrangeAndBlack

Thanks Everyone for the responses.

I suppose physically I have let her go, we have been in No Contact now for a month. I am externally giving her the space she requested... Im just struggling inside to let go. That is what I need to work on I suppose

ash23

OP I was with someone last year and I was 100% sure he was the one. The relationship was amazing, we got on so well, we never fought and I was absolutely sure that this was it. When people used to say "you just know when you meet the one" I was sure that this was what they meant. I just "knew".

He broke up with me out of the blue and I was completely bewildered as to why or what had gone wrong. It's very difficult to accept it when you really don't see it coming or know why it's happened.
In previous relationships things had gone downhill and the breakups had been hard but it had been on the cards. This one was a bolt out of the blue.

Almost a year on and I'm still none the wiser as to why it ended. We played the merry dance of trying to be "friends" but it was a disaster as he was doing it out of guilt and I was doing it in the hope he'd change his mind.

It's been a few months since I heard from him and it still stings a bit. I feel like I can't trust my intuition and I also feel far more cynical about relationships.

I am seeing someone else and I am happy with this new person and I can see a future of sorts in it. I'll probably never know what went wrong with my ex but there's not whole lot I can do about it other than move on and get over it.
I'd just give her the space she's asked for and let the cards fall where they may. There's nothing else you can do really. It sucks but sometimes you just don't get the answers to all your questions and you just have to accept it.