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Feeling down over x, y and z. . .

  • 07-01-2014 10:12am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all

    I have an a/c, but thought I'd go unreg.

    I'm feeling a bit down over a number of things at the moment, so would love advice from others.

    A bit of background:

    I got bullied quite a bit in sec school (something which I'm over now and never dwell on), so I never really had a close clique of school friends.

    After school, I went to a university up the country, where I knew no-one, so it was a fresh start. I got on great in first year, met new people, came out of my shell a bit, and generally thrived. From second year onwards, I moved in with a group of people who I knew through a mutual friend, and essentially got stuck in a rut. My housemates became my friend-base (despite me having very little in common with them), I became isolated and didn't really associate with anyone else.

    Over the 2 years I had remaining in college, things went wayward, a massive fight ensued, we all fell out and I moved out prematurely. During this time, I became really close to another friend outside this group who was going through a similar experience, which was great, as we supported each other through the disputes. We're still good friends to this day, but she moved to the UK after graduation; we keep in contact but haven't linked up since.

    Straight after my undergrad, I enrolled in a masters in a college near where I live, so moved back home. I missed the independence that living away from home brought, but I get on very well with my family, so it was nice, especially considering I didn't have a group of 'home' friends.

    My masters class was small, made up of people from all over Ireland and we got on well. But, as it was only a year thing, everyone moved back home or elsewhere, so there wasn't much opportunity to establish long-lasting friendships. Much to my delight, before graduation I managed to secure a job near my hometown (4 year contract) which matched my qualifications beginning the end of this month.


    All sounds pretty grand thus far I suppose, nothing too traumatic. Whilst I'm usually a happy-go-lucky person, three things are continuously play on my mind.

    1) I lack a solid group of friends and instead have a group of acquaintances who I chat to intermittently but I'm not close to.
    2) I feel like I have not progressed in life as I'm back living and working at home whereas a lot of people I went to college with are living abroad, pursued education in different countries or secured jobs in Dublin, London, etc.
    3) I'm 24 and have never had a boyfriend. I get uneasy when others question my relationship status as I'm so inexperienced. Sometimes I feel like I'll never have a relationship, and the older I get, the less chances I will have at finding someone. All the people I went to school/college with are in long term-relationships, and I have no-one........

    Would love input from others. It seems like I'm in a bit of a rut, and need to shake things up, but I'm not sure how to make that first step.

    Woestme


Comments

  • #2
    AnonMouse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 95 ✭✭AnonMouse


    Hi OP,

    I know what it's like to feel like you have no solid bunch of friends. I have felt that way for a number of years and an incident I had a few years ago really proved to me that my true friends are very limited in numbers. I have just grown to accept that. Maybe you should get in touch with your friend that moved to the UK. Friendships take work so don't always wait for others to contact you.

    For now, I would focus on the positives that you have in your life:

    You have a good education.
    You have a job to go into with a 4 year contract.
    The job is related to your education.
    You have a family that welcome you in their home.
    You get on well with your family.

    These are all positives.

    24 isn't that old and you have loads of time for relationships. You will meet someone you like when you least expect it.

    Regarding your desire to shake things up a bit, I would recommend doing things that take you out of your comfort zone. This will help your confidence as well. Maybe salsa dancing, rock climbing or something different than what you usually get up to. New activities will also provide an opportunity to meet new people.

    I hope everything works out and best of luck in your new job. :)


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