Trying for a baby soon...but is anyone's financial situation as bad as mine?

decemberrain

Hi there. I'm sorry if this is long but I'd really appreciate any advice as my situation is causing me a great deal of stress. I might be in the wrong forum but I figured this might be the best one. My partner and I had initially wanted to start our family earlier, when we were 29/31, I'm now nearly 33 and he's 34. We waited because I've been unemployed on-and-off for the last 2 years and I wanted to wait until I could either be secure in a permanent position or at least have the foundations behind me so that I could return to work at some stage later. My partner earns, but not enough to keep a family without any help, at least not if we want any kind of a lifestyle (and I'm not talking luxury here, I just mean enough not to have to stress out every time a bill lands). We get by fine at the moment because we live in a very small apartment that is rented, but if we are lucky and have a baby we would likely have to move to somewhere more suitable. I have no property, no money in the bank, no wealthy parents and seemingly no employment opportunities. I have tried everything to get work. Sometimes I manage to pick up a temp contract for a few weeks, in retail or admin, but there's never a permanent position at the end of it. Permanent jobs don't seem to exist. I am university educated to masters level but not in a very employable area and I'm either overqualified or underqualified for every job. My partner works long hours trying to bring money into the home and we have a good relationship with lots of love but very little money. We want to get married down the road but at the moment we just can't afford it. So time is ticking on and we can't put off starting our family for too much longer. I know many happy mums who have conceived in their late 30's/early40's but it is my preference not to wait until then, especially for a job that just won't materialise. But I'm so stressed about money! I worry not so much about the short term but about the fact that I will never have a good enough job to go back to, I'll be out of the workforce and I'll never afford - for example - to get my hair done once in a while or to treat myself to anything. I won't be able to afford to visit my family in America. I know it sounds stupid and there's more important things in life than money but I can't help it. I stay awake at night worrying. My partner is very supportive of my concerns and says he'll take care of me but I don't want to be taken care of, particularly when I know how hard he works, I wanted to be at least have the potential to contribute. Am I being crazy? Would you mind me asking - what financial situations are you in now that you're trying to conceive and has money ever been a worry for you? I know there's not much advice you can give me but I'd like to hear other people's experiences. My female friends mostly have good jobs - for example in the public sector - and take maternity leave then go back, so they don't know what to say to me.

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

FizzyKola

Hi decemberrain. I know that financial stress can be one of the worst stresses in life but I want to provide you with a different viewpoint based on my own experience.

Given your age, I wouldn't put off trying to have children much longer. That's assuming you really want to have kids.

My wife and I left it too late and ended up spending a small fortune on IVF. With your financial worries, you really don't want to find yourself in a position where you need help trying to conceive. I know some couples who got into significant debt as a result of taking out loans for IVF.

Just another thing to consider when weighing things up. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

steelboots

Hi decemberrain,

My advice would be to go ahead and have your baby, having babys does not have to be particularly expensive. I know all Mums want the best of every thing for there babys but there is nothing wrong with buying second had buggys, cots etc... or you may know some friends/family who are finished with theirs and apart from nappies, baby formula (if you choose not to breast feed which would save money) and a few clothes and you may be lucky to get some gifts it doesn't cost that much.

I've 4 kids, but am fortunate not to be too financially stretched, but if you really want a baby and you relationship is strong enough to cope with a few bumps you may encounter along the way you should seriously consider it, and your age is still on your side. I assume you have investigated support/medicial card, and of course you will be entitled to childrens allowance.

On the financial side, sit down and write out all you out goings and income and see if there is room for improvement and prioritize what is essential vs nice to have (e.g. Sky subscription to me is a nice to have) and see if you can make improvements. Often getting some one outside your situation like a friend or family member to take a look can often help.

Hope this helps and the very best in what ever you decide to do.

Rgds,
Cormac.

Sarah Bear

You could have the best job in the world and lose it.
Who knows what the future holds.
In my opinion family is what truly mattes in life.
I dont believe in people having 6/7 children with no means to support them, but I think not having a baby who will be very much loved and cared for just because of finances would be a shame.
Good luck

You are about to undertake the best job in the World -being a parent. If you both love each other and want a child, there is no right time. A child can cost as much or as little as you want. You really don't have to have top of the range everything. If you can hack it for a few years until your child (children) is at school, you'll have saved a fortune in childcare and have much more to offer an employer. Go for it and enjoy yourselves!

Hello Lady!

Also, even if you did have a job you could end up spending a substantial if not all your salary on child care so having a job does not mean you will be automatically better off financially. Children thrive on love and affection not material things. I say go for it. Also if you want to get married you only need €200. So if being married and having children is important to you go for it - don't worry about pleasing others orfeel obliged to do it a certain way or spend a certain amount or worry about financial security. All of these things can change overnight, so just trust your instincts and live the life you want, life is too short for regrets.

Hello Lady!

Also, even if you did have a job you could end up spending a substantial if not all your salary on child care so having a job does not mean you will be automatically better off financially. Children thrive on love and affection not material things. I say go for it. Also if you want to get married you only need €200. So if being married and having children is important to you go for it - don't worry about pleasing others orfeel obliged to do it a certain way or spend a certain amount or worry about financial security. All of these things can change overnight, so just trust your instincts and live the life you want, life is too short for regrets.