Dating Query

Mondo123

Hi all,
Just wanna ask some advice please... been seeing a guy I met online... was on a few dates (all sober), he seemed interested, iniated lots of contact etc... last time we met things got pretty hot an heavy an the deed was done... havent managed to meet up since (which was mid dec) as I was abroad (went home to UK for xmas) and then he was away on a stag... we're back on same soil a few days an while he's been in contact an is on about meeting up hes brushed me off on a couple of occasions for his mates? He has tried to reorganise but I'm beginning to feel that maybe I'm being too flexible so to speak?
I'm not used to this online dating world, its a mystery quite like 'real' world dating? So I guess I'd be worried that he's still dating etc? At what point do ppl close there profiles? does a 'talk' have to happen? I'm not Irish either so maybe thats why I'm confused with it all to?
Should I jst acknowledge that as he's blowing me off for his 'mates' (same ones he was on the stag with etc) that maybe 'he's not that into me'?

????????

I think if he asks you out you should say yes and not worry about being to flexible, but to be honest he sounds like a flake.

I've had a few flakes myself, heck I've been one, always organizing things but never following through.

However being flaky does not mean he doesn't like you, if he does it again I would call him on it, but do it in a flirty way.

sligoface

It's not a new phenomenon amongst men, some just want to 'hit it and quit it'.

In general, men don't get attached to their sexual partners as much as women tend to, and many of us either don't care or are not aware that women take sex more seriously. Yes we will show interest big time until, as you say, the deed is done, then bam! No more interest. And that is not because there is anything wrong with the girl in any way, it's just due to a mix of male biology and plain old selfishness. It sucks but both genders do things the other cannot understand, and these behaviors range from the merely annoying to the truly hurtful.

Not every guy you sleep with will ditch you after in this way, but there are plenty who just have no interest in buying the cow once they've drank the milk. It can be hard for women to judge because we are capable of behaving like a prince to get a woman into bed. It's how the guy acts afterwards that will be a better indicator of his interest in you as a person and not just for your body. So in this case, I wouldn't get your hopes up with him. If he's like this on the beginning, how much of an effort could you expect him to make to spend time with you after you've been together for a long time?

beks101

I think Sligoface's post is one of the most honest things I've read around here. I wish I had read it years ago as it would've helped me to get my head straight on several occasions!

OP - this may, or may not be the case with the guy you're dating. There are men out there as Sligoface outlined, and sometimes, with the Knight in Shining Armour routine, it can be hard to spot them. For me the red flags are usually an incessant, overly-charming chase at a very early stage and an unwillingness to stick around if sex isn't put on the menu in those early days.

It's hard to tell what's going on with your guy, but all I would say is to look after yourself first, keep yourself busy and your social life active and don't be there at his beck and call. Meet him on your terms and if he's making the effort to organize something and keeps flaking on you, call him on it and tell him you're not interested in that kind of behaviour.

He knows where you are and if he's genuinely interested, he'll make sure there's no confusion. But IME ambiguous, flaky behaviour at such an early stage = time to move on. Waste of time and energy.

kjl

sligoface wrote: »

It's not a new phenomenon amongst men, some just want to 'hit it and quit it'.

In general, men don't get attached to their sexual partners as much as women tend to, and many of us either don't care or are not aware that women take sex more seriously. Yes we will show interest big time until, as you say, the deed is done, then bam! No more interest. And that is not because there is anything wrong with the girl in any way, it's just due to a mix of male biology and plain old selfishness. It sucks but both genders do things the other cannot understand, and these behaviors range from the merely annoying to the truly hurtful.

Not every guy you sleep with will ditch you after in this way, but there are plenty who just have no interest in buying the cow once they've drank the milk. It can be hard for women to judge because we are capable of behaving like a prince to get a woman into bed. It's how the guy acts afterwards that will be a better indicator of his interest in you as a person and not just for your body. So in this case, I wouldn't get your hopes up with him. If he's like this on the beginning, how much of an effort could you expect him to make to spend time with you after you've been together for a long time?

Of course I know about hit it and quit it, but they guy is contacting her after not seeing her all of Christmas. If I didn't want to see someone I wouldn't be contacting them.

The Corinthian

He's just not that into you. That's all.

Mondo123

Thanks for the replies guys... He contacted me again this evening just general banter an fun back n forth a bit never mentioned meeting up though... He does have friends Home at the mo so he does seem to be hanging with them \entertaining them alot... anyways...I'm just gonna take it as it comes, if it happens it happens we did have a great laugh together but never really looked at it being longterm... No harm done!
@Corinthian & sligoface thanks for the blunt honesty... Truth hurts but best way to go!

Meauldsegosha

Why does he have to mention meeting up? If you want to meet him, you suggest a time and place.