Looking for views

heretochat

I am about 4 months into a relationship arising out of a previous thread I posted on here. Things are really great between myself and this girl and I couldn't be happier.

However, around late November she told me that her father had been diagnosed with a life threatening illness. As things have developed the prognosis has got a little bleaker..

Anyway I have been trying to get the balance right between being a support to her while also giving her the space she needs to deal with what has come as a huge shock to her.

Christmas was a particularly bad time for her and I have not seen her as low as she was over the past couple of weeks.

Anyway on to the main point - it is her birthday at the end of the month and I was thinking of bringing her away for a couple of days to try to cheer her up (temporarily at least).

The thing is I do not want to come across as insensitive or trivialising what she is going through.

So I guess I am looking for some views from the good people on here.

Thanks

Tigger99

I would absolutely ask her. She could love the idea or hate it.

P. Breathnach

It's a difficult one to call unless we have a good deal more information, and I can understand that you might not want to give much more.

If her father's prognosis is really bleak, and the end is likely to be sooner rather than later, I would expect that she would not want to plan days away. She might not even want cheering up: there is nothing wrong in feeling low about the impending death of a parent. Bear in mind also that a child's birthday is often seen by a parent as a special day, and her father might like some of her time that day.

I think you should talk to her, and tell her that you want to mark her birthday by doing whatever she feels would be best for her. If that means standing aside for the moment so that she can spend time with her father, give her that.

heretochat

While my girlfriend is not on boards, I am still conscious of not betraying her privacy by divulging too much.

I should have said that there is no chance of an imminent demise or anything like that. Initially the prognosis was cautiously optimistic but after the first round of treatment they are being more guarded. I can only reflect back what she has told me and her natural worries are bound to impact on her own assessment.

I am in no way thinking selfishly and I totally get what has been said about her father wanting to share her birthday with her. I do not think I should deny him that.

December2012

The simplest and kindest thing to do would be to ask her outright. Even if she says no I'm sure she will appreciate the offer.

3DataModem

Tell her that you were thinking of taking her away for a break for her birthday, but under the circumstances she might prefer not to, in which case you'll donate the cost (say 100) to the Irish Cancer Society (or whatever) in her name as a gift instead.

Win / win

GreeBo

December2012 wrote: »

The simplest and kindest thing to do would be to ask her outright. Even if she says no I'm sure she will appreciate the offer.

+1
but I would ask in such a way that she knows you are asking because you are aware she might prefer not to go at the moment due to her dads situation.

Best of luck.