Grief after miscarriage

Isolt

I lost my baby on Dec 6th. I found yesterday (New Years) very tough. Sometimes I feel fine and then it hits me like a tonne of bricks that everything that 2014 had in store is now gone. And there's nothing to show for it. I feel as though everyone else is fine now but I'm stuck in this grief for somebody who was never born.

I should have been around 13 weeks now but feel so empty instead.

Quality

It's a very difficult loss to cope with, and I am sorry for your loss. I miscarried 6 years ago. At the time my grief was over whelming. I took to the bed for a few weeks.

I found some people didn't understand and brushed it off with stupid comments, as if I had lost a set of keys.

But for me the minute I started planning that baby to the time we conceived and beyond, well that was MY baby I was planning and looking forward to, part of me, my family and my future.

Take your time to get over it and grieve your loss, I found talking to women in the same situation helped.

Do something nice to remember the baby by, I planted a rose.

Time is a great healer, and it will take time. Look after yourself.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

You poor thing my heart goes out to you I miscarried last year and was overwhelmed by the sheer physical force of the grief I felt. To make matters worse, a close family member had just had a baby so naturally there was a big buzz around it and although I was happy for them, it was very hard to deal with.

The first 6 weeks were the hardest, I basically withdrew from the world and wanted alone time to help me process what I was feeling. My partner was the opposite, he wanted to throw himself back into work to try and forget about it. We got caught somewhere in between and I lost sight of the fact that he had lost a child also. After a few arguments, we sat down and had a heart to heart and once we both realised that we were dealing with the same grief in different ways, it made things easier.

People will say stupid insensitive things, usually out of ignorance or just sheer awkwardness. Don't take it to heart. Anyone who makes silly remarks has never been in your situation, feeling what you are feeling.

I found that when the initial fog of grief began to clear, I would be fine for a few days but then again it would just spring out of nowhere and hit me like a train. I was also surprised to find myself angry and resentful towards pregnant women but after a bit of research, I discovered that this is totally normal. The only advice I can give you is to accept that you are grieving, be gentle on yourself and take each day as it comes. A friend of mine who had also suffered a miscarriage suggested to me that when I felt ready, I should carry out some sort of a goodbye ritual like releasing a baloon into the air or planting a flower in memory of the baby. If you have a partner, talk openly with him and lean on each other for support. Take care x

iusedtoknow

my wife miscarried a very longed for pregnancy a few weeks ago .

Feel what you need to feel. Grieve if you want to grieve, and don't feel guilty if you feel like smiling or laughing. We done a bit of both, and ended up basically skipping Christmas by being on vacation for the time.

She's now back full pelt at work, taking an opportunity that she wasn't going to, due to the pregnancy. We have our low days and our good days, but they never seem to coincide.

Simply feel how you need to, the pain will lessen, and remember that you are not alone in this. Your partner is there, and there are probably a lot of people around you that have gone silently through the same thing

ronnie88

Hi Op, i could not read your post and not reply. I miscarried on 10th Dec, it was our first baby and i lost it at 5wks. The grief and loss i feel is so huge i could never have imagined before. Initially i was took to the bed, felt physically drained from the emotional pain. The emptiness made me ache and feel like i was dead in inside if that makes sense. I pulled myself through christmas and new years crying for the loss of my baby and the hopes i had instore for 2014. I got back to work, managing to wear a happy mask most of the time. But the grief is still there and can as other posters said hits me like a train at times. I don't know if time is healing or if i am learning to cope but im getting through it, i hope your getting through it.

CathyMoran

It was 5 years last Tuesday when we had our first miscarriage, the fact that we are parents to a 2 and 3 year old does not lessen it. I always get upset this time of year but have finally found a focus, I allow myself one day to be upset. I was upset the day before too but it did help, rather than dismissing the whole month of January.

At this early stage how about the month anniversary and then move to longer.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Isolt

Thanks for all the replies.
A few weeks after I posted this the doctor stunned me with the news that I had fallen pregnant again, very soon after the D&C. I am 25 weeks now with a healthy, active baby.
I am still terrified of something going wrong. If I don't get a kick for a few hours or I read something about pre-term labour etc. The scars from losing the first baby are definitely still here.

I am thrilled to be having this baby and can't wait to hold him/her and snuggle them close to me.

The due date for my lost baby is coming up soon and I'm really conflicted on what I should be feeling, I am so happy about this new baby. I still think about the first one at times and feel like I shouldn't. It's a strange one.

ronjo

Isolt wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.
A few weeks after I posted this the doctor stunned me with the news that I had fallen pregnant again, very soon after the D&C. I am 25 weeks now with a healthy, active baby.
I am still terrified of something going wrong. If I don't get a kick for a few hours or I read something about pre-term labour etc. The scars from losing the first baby are definitely still here.

I am thrilled to be having this baby and can't wait to hold him/her and snuggle them close to me.

The due date for my lost baby is coming up soon and I'm really conflicted on what I should be feeling, I am so happy about this new baby. I still think about the first one at times and feel like I shouldn't. It's a strange one.

Everyone deals with it differently of course but when we lost our first to miscarriage I firmly believed that she went back where she came as she wasnt strong enough to survive and then came back to us the next year.

inlikeflynn86

I miscarried November 2012 at 10 weeks, and found out I was pregnant the following February. I now have a little boy who is 8 months. I love and adore him.

But there is not a week that goes by where I dont think of my little angel. I would have been celebrating my angels first birthday the end of this month. This month so far I am constantly thinking of the "what ifs"

Its only natural to think about your own angel and dont feel bad, you are not doing anything wrong.

I wish you well with your little bean xx