I ended the relationship, and now I feel terrible :(

Stary_Sky

I'd really appreciate some advice on this issue. I'll try to keep my post as short as possible.

I was in a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend for approximately one year. Our relationship started off perfectly, he was everything I looked for. We got on great together and had so much in common. He was very gentle-manly and had a great sense of humour.

However, as time went on, things started to deteriorate between us. It was like my ex became a completely different person. He became moody. When we'd have an argument, he'd refuse to talk about it and try to resolve it. Instead, he become cold and distant and barely speak to me at all. It was as if he was trying to punish me because he believed that something I had said/done was wrong.

He also became very un-supportive. In recent months, there were one or two days where I'd felt really sad and down (failed an important exams and a close family member's anniversary of their death). My Ex never made any attempt to visit or even call to see was I alright, despite living about a half hour away from me.

I started to feel like things weren't 100% right between us. I talked to him about these issues on a number of occasions and he became quite verbally abusive towards me as he didn't like what I was saying to him.

I let things go a while longer and things continued the same way. I talked to him again saying that I was unhappy and I became very emotional but he didn't seem to fully engage with me.

Despite this, I just hoped that he would somehow snap out of it and things would change and he would become the person he was at the beginning of the relationship, but that never happened.

One day, he was moody (for no apparent reason or any reason that he was willing to discuss.) I just snapped, I ended it with him saying that I had enough and felt like I was the only one making the effort. That was about 3 weeks ago and ever since I've done nothing but beat myself up over the relationship we had. Did I expect too much from him? Was I unreasonable? Is it all my fault?

All in all, I did love him and I think I still do, but I got tired of dealing with certain aspects of his personality. But I'm finding it tough to come to terms with the break-up and I find myself reminiscing on the good times in our relationship. I just don't know how to come to terms with this.

LegacyUser

At this time of the year some people find it hard to be single.
I think the reason you feel bad that you ended this relationship is that you tried hard to make it work.
From what you told us you were going out with a man who acted like a bold child when he was not getting his own way. Also when you were going though a bad time he did not ring you or call to see how you were.
You told him how you felt and give him several chances to change how he was acting towards with you which he was not willing or able to do.

I have to be honest here you did the right thing ending things with him. All relationships require give and take but if you are doing all the giving your so called relationship won't last. Why stay with someone who had not even the decency to ring/call to see you when you were going though a bad patch.
I would look on this relationship as one where you learned the following:
a) I deserve to be someone who treats me with some respect and is there for me through some bad times.
b) I want someone to understand what I am saying and be with someone who is willing to change/improve thing about themselves so we have a better relationship.

I know woman out there who think they are nothing without a man and will put up with been treated as total doormats to have a boyfriend/husband.
Life is to short to be a bad relationship that is going no where. Rather than thinking if I stayed with him for a while longer he would have changed look on you this well I did the right thing in ending things with him. You need to remember that it is his lost not yours when you broke up with him.
One of my friends was engaged to a man who sounds like your ex. A few weeks before the wedding he told her that he did not want to get married. He waited until he got certain things sorted out in his life before doing this. My friend was very upset at the time but within a few years she meet another man who treated her so differently.
They got married a little over 2 years after they met and over the past number of years they had some tough times but they got through them as a couple.
Look on 2014 as the start of a new and better year for you and look forward to better times which are coming for you.

He was moody, passive aggressively punishing you, unsupportive and verbally abusive. Of course you made the right decision.

Life is far too short to be treated badly by people you treat well.

whiskeyman

Sounds like you did the right thing and had the guts to do it early before the relationship went any further.
There will be lots more good times with someone who values you a heck of a lot better.
Perhaps think about the bad times with the ex to back up your decision that it was never going to work for both of you.
Over time, you'll realise this even more.
Best of luck.

Matteroffact

He made no effort and any time you tried to improve the relationship by chatting to him about it he didn't want to know so the writing is on the wall that he is not as interested in the relationship as you are and became aggressive when he was faced with the truth because he didn't want to have to admit that what you were saying was correct. You were perfectly right to break up with him and see the way he has made no effort to get you back. You are well rid.

Gokei

Sounds like he had depression. Hopefully he gets the help he needs and the two of you can live happy (albeit separate) lives.

freshpopcorn

Ye're finished now and I think it's for the better. I don't think he was that into you by the sounds of it.

Sephiroth_dude

Sounds like he wanted you to break things off so he wouldn't have too,maybe I'm wrong,anyway by the sounds of it your are way way better off without him in your life.

dannyc31

Sounds like he wanted you to break things off so he wouldn't have too,maybe I'm wrong,anyway by the sounds of it your are way way better off without him in your life.

i would agree with this. he most likely knew it was over but was too coward to sit down and talk about it with you. instead he treated you badly and hoped you would press the nuclear button on the relationship, which you did.

i would not feel bad about this at all. this was doomed for failure and just be happy that it happened after only 1year rather wasting 5 years or more going through the motions and putting up a false front to everyone around you. you are in the bereavement stage of the end of a relationship so just give yourself time and start by setting some nice goals to aim for in 2014. a change of career, a new car, a trip away with the girls etc etc.

evenually you'll realise it was the right decision. best of luck with everything.