Online Dating and Becoming Impatient

LegacyUser

Hey there,

Gay guy here.

I thought I'd go anon for this one...

I have been single for over two years now which has been a massive blessing in disguise. Been loving my time alone, sorting out some problems and focusing on work.. Recently, I've come to the realisation that I'm now ready to get with someone properly and am sick of the one night stands, drunken nights out to score and no one to cuddle.. Although I've loved my time alone, I think it's only human to get a bit lonely.

I recently decided to get going on internet dating. I'm currently home for Christmas but the guy I've been talking to recently is back where I am living (Australia). We got chatting on one of the dating sites there are around three months ago. I've met guys on blind dates before through friends and am not a shy person or whatever. I have a particular type in terms of partners and this guy seems to tick all the boxes. We've swapped pictures and been texting non stop since we started talking. Before I left Oz for Xmas I tried to meet up with him twice but both times he was called away to work. I was talking to him a few days ago and asked him would he want to meet me the week I get back to Oz. He said that he's busy that week. I then replied with 'Well, are we going to meet ever or what's the story?' kinda message.. he tells me that he feels badly bout this but that he's quite shy but that he does want to meet and whatever..

I know there's plenty of fish in the sea and that I should probably just delete and block, but this is a guy I think I genuinely could get on well with..He's also Irish btw. I'm thinking he's having problems with his sexual identity or something.. I'm in my early 30s and I don't have time to be supporting people through the coming out business, I did that before and I'd prefer not to get involved with that kinda stuff.

He has been consistently messaging me since and still seems interested. Do I continue pushing to meet up, give an ultimatum or just delete and block? What do you guys think?

Thanks,
Confucious

suicide_circus

Honest to god he sounds like a time waster, Internet dating is full of them. Stop contacting him. If he wants to arrange a date, the ball is in his court, dont bother chasing him, he probably loves it.

Penny Tration

It's been a number of months. Tell him you're not looking for a pen pal and you want to either meet or stop talking.

AJG

If I could give anyone advice about online dating it would be this...

Don't have endless back and forths, arrange to meet up within 2-3 messages, make it a simple afternoon coffee date.

You're less likely to build up an idealised picture of them in your head if you meet up as soon as possible. Online dating is simply a numbers game. Don't be offended if people are going on multiple dates. If they're interested they will prioritise you.

What you've described is way too much work. I used to use online dating quite a bit and the above is the advice I'd give anyone starting out.

miamee

To echo what others have said, you are looking for a partner not a pen pal. If he can't muster the courage for a 30 minute coffee date at this stage, how do you think you will manage a relationship? He may tick all the boxes in one way but it sounds like he is not ready for it yet.

Since you seem to like him, make it plain to him that you like him but are not prepared to wait around any longer. You started using the dating site for dates and hopefully a relationship, he hasn't managed to fulfill any of those for you so far and I'm sure there are plenty more men out there who'd like to go on an actual date with you. Good luck

LegacyUser

Hey,

think you are all right.. Going to wait til I'm back in Oz to contact him properly. It's getting bit ridiculous. I can be patient with guys.. but this is just silly. I also am getting tired of the baggage that comes with dating men.. the 'closet' and things like that. I don't want to be holding his hand through a relationship in that respect.

Thanks for the posts, will update once I get back and arrange something.

Thanks,
Confucious

Matteroffact

Just send him a one liner and tell him to message you again when he is ready to meet up and that puts the ball in his court and you are still not eliminating him altogether.