Racist Coworker

R.D. aka MR.D

Hi all,

I'm currently working in Asia. In my company, there are only 2 non-asian employees, me and this other woman.

This is the second asian country that i have worked in and it can be very difficult. It can be draining and alienating.

I started last month and this woman seemed okay. She seemed to be very rude to the other employees but honestly i put that down to English not being her first language (she's from Eastern Europe).

In the past month she has gotten increasingly racist. She says things that i feel are completely out of line, for example 'they are all stupid', 'they are all dirty', 'they are all lazy' 'They are not civilized'.

I've confronted her on 2 occasions about it. On the second occasion, i outright said that she was being racist. She disagreed. She thinks i am naive.

We sit beside each other and have to interact because of the nature of the job. Has anyone got any advice on how i can deal with this personally? There is nothing i can do officially like go to HR or something so i would like to know how i can deal with it as a human being. I'm not the bleeding heart type but it's genuinely upsetting me.

I've tried ignoring it but what sparked the last confrontation was that she addressed me directly saying that i was naive because i wasn't agreeing with what she was saying.

Luckily, this is the first time in my life that i have met some one like this. I've dealt with others saying borderline racist things. I've dealt with people making extremely derogatory comments about irish people. But how do i deal with some one who is so racist against the country that we're living in. I feel like it's not my fight to fight but it makes me so uncomfortable!!

ivytwine

She's saying this about the inhabitants of the country she's come to?

Wow.

All you can do as far as I can see is reiterate what you've said already. Maybe point out to her that she has voluntarily moved to this country and if she's so unhappy maybe she should move home?

boomchicawawa

I feel for you in a foreign country and having to work with someone who makes you feel like this. Be firm, hold your ground but try not to personalise it with her, for instance let her know that you will not tolerate these comments but offer to pick up her lunch.

If she's still bulldozing ahead with her attitude you will have to blank her unfortunately. Can you make friends with some of your other co-workers, I know language is a barrier but generally Asian people are very friendly and welcoming and they might be more than willing to show you their country and tell you about their traditions. Don't let this woman get to you, don't let her spoil this wonderful opportunity you have to enjoy another culture. Good luck !

CaraMay

Say to her that you do not want those comments made to you in the future. Is there a boss you can talk to? Surely the locals can understand some of what she is saying - even by her tone?

R.D. aka MR.D

Thanks all for the comments so far. I really appreciate it.

ivytwine wrote: »

All you can do as far as I can see is reiterate what you've said already. Maybe point out to her that she has voluntarily moved to this country and if she's so unhappy maybe she should move home?

I did this already. In fairness to her she replied that she needs the money which i can't really argue with. I totally agree though, she needs to leave here if it's making her so unhappy.

boomchicawawa wrote: »

Can you make friends with some of your other co-workers, I know language is a barrier but generally Asian people are very friendly and welcoming and they might be more than willing to show you their country and tell you about their traditions. Don't let this woman get to you, don't let her spoil this wonderful opportunity you have to enjoy another culture. Good luck !

I am in no way intending to be friends with her. I don't want that in any shape or form. However, i do have to work closely with her. Blanking her isn't really an option.
I am of course making efforts with my other coworkers as i am eager to have a pleasant experience while i am here. But i don't like to mix work with friends.

CaraMay wrote: »

Say to her that you do not want those comments made to you in the future. Is there a boss you can talk to? Surely the locals can understand some of what she is saying - even by her tone?

Oh yeah, they can understand her! They all speak english! She doesn't care because 'they are all stupid' but really it's just that it goes against their culture to be confrontational in that way.

I can't go to the boss as there is no non-asian boss in the company and to be perfectly honest i don't know how i would even begin to explain this very 'western' problem to them!!


It's nice just to hear that people don't think that i'm being unreasonable.

I'm in no ways backwards about coming forwards as they say so i know that i won't be letting her say all that stuff again to me.
What i would really like to know is how i can still have a working relationship with her while i feel so uncomfortable?
Is it a case of i just have to put up with it for another 11months? be uncomfortable?
I'm open to suggestions about how i can maybe get a different view on the situation that allows me to be less uncomfortable.

Mick Murdock

Racism is most definitely not unique to this part of the world. Asian people are just as likely to discriminate against others they consider to be poor or those who have 'darker' skin. I lived in both Japan and South Korea and found things pretty much the same.

It's not a nice situation to be in, but if it continues you should absolutely speak to your boss, Asian or not.

She is the one who had to travel half way across the world to earn a living in their country..

bmwguy

All eastern Europeans are prejudiced, that's just the way they are

Big Bag of Chips

bmwguy, please make sure you are familiar with The Personal Issues Charter before posting again. Breaches of the Charter can and do result in a ban from this forum.

P. Breathnach

OP, one possible strategy (if your personality enables it) is to use humour. For example
- You might try a line like "there you go again, trying to wind me up" with the implication that the comments are not to be taken seriously.
- Or you might try to pick up on a comment, and add to it, exaggerating to the point where it becomes absurd.
- Or you might suggest that they are acting stupid to entertain themselves at your co-worker's expense; point out that they don't act stupid when dealing with you.

But my preference, were I in your position, would be to have a word with the boss. I would be surprised if he or she would have any great difficulty in understanding the nature of the problem. There are many race problems in Asia. While cultures differ, human nature is essentially the same throughout the world.

strandroad

P. Breathnach wrote: »

OP, one possible strategy (if your personality enables it) is to use humour. For example
- You might try a line like "there you go again, trying to wind me up" with the implication that the comments are not to be taken seriously.
- Or you might try to pick up on a comment, and add to it, exaggerating to the point where it becomes absurd.
- Or you might suggest that they are acting stupid to entertain themselves at your co-worker's expense; point out that they don't act stupid when dealing with you.

I wouldn't go for any banter with her, because in such mixed environment it might be picked up as if the OP was kind of agreeing with her.

I would just keep repeating very politely "please don't say that around me, it's racist".

P. Breathnach wrote: »

But my preference, were I in your position, would be to have a word with the boss. I would be surprised if he or she would have any great difficulty in understanding the nature of the problem. There are many race problems in Asia. While cultures differ, human nature is essentially the same throughout the world.

I agree; perhaps other coworkers are bothered too, being targets of her rants, and you could bring it up together?

R.D. aka MR.D

Thanks everyone!

I know that there is racism everywhere but i've found that it is more acceptable here in Asia than it is in the west. I don't work for a western company or even a western style company. It's kind of hard to describe the management style of the industry i work in here. An example is that there is a mouse (probably mice) in the office pooping everywhere and the mouse was hanging out on my desk the other day so i decided (against my instincts) to complain to my boss and i was just told 'the mouse has been here one year, that's just the way it is. Maybe it will die'.
I can imagine the response to me saying 'X is being racist' would be something like 'Why is this a problem for you? She is just an angry person. That's the way it is.'

I think i will just say it to her to stop when she mentions something. It's just annoying being in such an awkward situation.

Thanks again everyone. It's good to know that i wasn't over reacting or something.