Help !! Sister problem..

missygalaxy

Hey, so i've got one sister who i really really don't get on with but she reckons i'm gonna ask her to be my bridesmaid, this is not gonna happen!! However i know my mom will be upset if i don't give her some role in the wedding. i'm looking for ideas besides readings, prayers etc.. Something that sounds important but really is not !! Thanks

dangerus06

had the same prob with mine ,she ended up been my chief bridemaid

Addle

Could she make the cake?

Why won't you give her a reading to do?

Toots

Could she be an usher? Does she have any musical talents that could be put to use during the ceremony ie could she sing a piece while people are getting communion etc?

Honestly, other than a reading or prayer of the faithful there's not a whole lot to give her. AFAIK it's usually the mums who bring up the gifts, so that would be out. Unless you wanted to make her a ring-bearer or something, but that's a job usually given to children so it might offend her. Also if ye really don't get on is there a chance that she'd get the hump at not being asked to be bridesmaid and 'lose' the rings?

If your relationship is that bad with her, I'm surprised she would expect to be asked to be a bridesmaid. If I were you, and the above options weren't possible, then I'd sit down with your mum and explain to her why you won't be asking your sister to be a bridesmaid, tell her you understand that she might be upset but that you've made up your mind. Stick to your guns and don't let anyone guilt you into changing your mind. It's your wedding so do it the way you want.

shinny

Toots* wrote: »

If your relationship is that bad with her, I'm surprised she would expect to be asked to be a bridesmaid.

This is the part I don't get. I wonder if your sister even knows you don't particularly get on with her. Or your Mother for that matter. Maybe she's oblivious. Maybe they are both oblivious.

Not much else I can say that hasn't already been said except I think that's terribly sad. Especially if she doesn't see it. It'll be a right shock to her though, if she's as unaware of your true feelings towards her. Personally I feel like either ask her to be involved or don't. Half measures will only make it worse.

anmhi02

dangerus06 wrote: »

had the same prob with mine ,she ended up been my chief bridemaid

Had to laugh when I read this....exact same thing happened to my sister and I, we don't get on but she still asked me to be her chief bridesmaid even though there were two other sisters to ask. Suppose it comes down to how badly ye don't get on our is out just you're usual sibling fighting / annoying the hell out of each other. Is she your only sister??

Toast4532

Hi OP,

A cousin of mine didn't want her sister to be chief bridesmaid for a number of reasons and instead, the bride's best friend was chief bridesmaid, however the bride's sister was still a bridesmaid and did what other bridesmaids did, but just wasn't chief bridesmaid.

Not sure if it would be feasible option for you, but might be worth considering so that the fall-out wouldn't be huge, and your sister would still be included in the day and preparations.

dori_dormer

Why do people bother with the chief bridesmaid thing? I have 2 sisters, one I get on great with and the other is incredibly demanding and difficult (all problems/headaches regarding my wedding involved her somehow) but to keep the peace I had both of them as bridesmaids, as well as my husbands 2 sisters ( way too many but thats another story)

Everyone was just a bridesmaid, different ones helped me at different stages based on their skills, availability. some didnt get involved at all.

They went down the aisle based on how they would come up the aisle with the groomsmen (who knew who best etc) same layout at the dinner table.

I didnt distinguish anything with labels and there were no upset feelings. Maybe you could try something like that OP?

solerina

dori_dormer wrote: »

Why do people bother with the chief bridesmaid thing? I have 2 sisters, one I get on great with and the other is incredibly demanding and difficult (all problems/headaches regarding my wedding involved her somehow) but to keep the peace I had both of them as bridesmaids, as well as my husbands 2 sisters ( way too many but thats another story)

Everyone was just a bridesmaid, different ones helped me at different stages based on their skills, availability. some didnt get involved at all.

They went down the aisle based on how they would come up the aisle with the groomsmen (who knew who best etc) same layout at the dinner table.

I didnt distinguish anything with labels and there were no upset feelings. Maybe you could try something like that OP?

Whether you like it or not you need someone to sign the register...that's really the only difference between the chief bridesmaid and other bridesmaids...

Addle

solerina wrote: »

Whether you like it or not you need someone to sign the register...that's really the only difference between the chief bridesmaid and other bridesmaids...

A witness signs the register. It can be anyone at all.

missygalaxy

Hey thanks for all the replies ! It's the first time i've posted on here and wasn't expecting so much help.
She is my only sister and there is a 10 yr age gap plus we are like chalk & cheese so different in every way, she's highly strung where i reckon i'm the chilled out one.
I spoke to my mom last nite about it & she understood why i didn't want my sister as bridesmaid.
We will be having a civil ceremony i've asked my best girlfriend already to be bridesmaid so my sister & my fiance's sister(who is more like a real sister to me) will each to a reading and will be our witnesses on the register.. sorted, i think !?
Thanks again for all the help (",)

tinkerbell

missygalaxy wrote: »

Hey thanks for all the replies ! It's the first time i've posted on here and wasn't expecting so much help.
She is my only sister and there is a 10 yr age gap plus we are like chalk & cheese so different in every way, she's highly strung where i reckon i'm the chilled out one.
I spoke to my mom last nite about it & she understood why i didn't want my sister as bridesmaid.
We will be having a civil ceremony i've asked my best girlfriend already to be bridesmaid so my sister & my fiance's sister(who is more like a real sister to me) will each to a reading and will be our witnesses on the register.. sorted, i think !?
Thanks again for all the help (",)

You only need 2 witnesses to sign the register - the best man and bridesmaid. You don't need your sister and sister in law to sign it also.

dori_dormer

Or you could have one of each of your parents sign it and leave bridesmaids/groomsmen out of it altogether. We had the mums sign and my sister had the Dads sign at hers.

I had no idea it was traditional for the bestman/ chief bridesmaid to sign. Just thought you picked anyone for the job like the readings etc.

ronjo

tinkerbell wrote: »

You only need 2 witnesses to sign the register - the best man and bridesmaid. You don't need your sister and sister in law to sign it also.

I read it as they are the two she wants to be the witnesses and not the best man/bridesmaid.

All sounds like a good compromise OP