how do I let go?

LegacyUser

Would love some advice. Variation on a theme that regularly pops up here.

Early thirties with a distinct lack of any relationships to date wondering whats going on and how can I change this? Everything else in life is moving along well so its time to try resolve this. Being home for Christmas and my perma-single status really puts this to the fore of my mind. Day to day I tend to brush this off but of course I would like to meet someone like most of my friends.

I know I can be shy at times, the initial small talk is challenging for me so I figure sometimes this can come across as standoffish. Once I do know someone or get going the chat comes easier. I am very guarded about personal details and afraid to let down some barrier.Recently a friend (who I could quite like) tried to kiss me and I politely brushed off his advances. I have done this with guys a bit. I can get quite flirty/chatty and then at sight of an advance shut-up shop. Its often like I don't know my own mind. Even with alcohol taken I am afraid to lose control and i do think this is probably due to my lack of experience.

I'd really like to change, get out and meet new people in 2014. I am considering going to see someone to talk about this but even typing this out has been helpful.

Any suggestions on how I might let go and enjoy a healthier relationship with the opposite sex in future?

Thanks

Call Me Jimmy

I'm in a similar situation but I'm afraid the answer is too simple. Letting go means letting go, recognising that everyone is the same and nobody wants to get hurt and that other people put themselves on the line just as much as you do in order for a relationship to happen.

There are dickheads and then there are good people in both sexes so everyone has to be vigilant in a sense if they don't want to be hurt but letting go fully it's much harder to get hurt because you can see things for what they are and just carry on to the next bunch of stuff you're going to do.

Insecurities are not your own unique terrain and you are not perfect nor is anyone else thankfully. If you play a game with yourself and say 'For x amount of time (say 2 months) I will let go and let things bounce off me and into me and after that if it doesn't work I can go back in an instant to how I usually am, more protective'. The mind can change as easily as a new thought pops into ones head.

The heart will stop pumping inside our chests and we will feel very empty in that moment and there will be no protecting it, compared to that the psychological effects on it pale into insignificance in reality.

I'm talking to myself as much as you, I wish you all the best.