Friend acting weird

holyhead

Before Xmas my "friend" and I were planning to go for a short break to another part of Ireland next year or possibly new year if it suited. Lets call him Jim. Some of correspondences was over FB. There is person I used to be friends with that is good friends with the guy I was due to go away with next year. She would have seen some of my posts. We disconnected from each other over her misuse of alcohol. I eventually saw that the right thing to do for her was not to buy her drink.
I sent Jim a Xmas card and he was due to send me one which would include a copy of a picture of my now recently deceased dog and I in it which he took. We exchanged correspondences both private and public on fb on the 19th of Dec. I never got a post card and I havent heard anything from Jim since either.
I suspect the girl said something to him. What I dont know. I know this girl has been having mutual "friends" to disconnect from me on fb. A couple have done this alright. Two refused one of whom was Jim. She has been on the warpath determined to make my life as difficult as possible in every way imaginable.
I appreciate people can be strange. I also accept I have no concrete proof that this girl has stirred the pot. But its seems too much of a coincidence. I have not lashed out at her or dissed her to mutual friends.
She wrote that she "loved" him on fb but this guy is gay and has a partner. She would have meant she loved him as a friend as she knows he's gay.
The problem is Jim would believe her. She told me she loved me to bits too. Again I took it in a friendly context. The only reason she "loved" me or "loves" Jim is because its someone to buy her alcohol. You stop buying her alcohol and the shutters come down in record time. Jim knows she has a problem with drink.
I suspect I need to let Jim off to follow his seperate path in life. Lets suppose she said something. Surely a genuine person would give the chance of a reply?

boomchicawawa

I find it hard to follow your train of thought to be honest. You need to 'let Jim off to follow his separate path' is very cryptic, what's the bigger picture here? Do you feel that you have pushed Jim into this trip and now he's backing out? Why have you not dropped a friendly PM to Jim to touch base, why suspect the card is not on route? Why are you so caught up in this 'mutual' friend that Jim has already snubbed when she tried to make him unfriend you ?

What has Jim's partner got to say about you two heading off? Can it just be that Jim has come under pressure from him not to go ? You really need to stop second guessing this and ask Jim straight out if he's still on, but not in a confrontational way, just say that you're making plans and what to know were you stand. As to this other person, if her habits are as they seem she will run through friends and keep running as each one gets fed up with her, don't let her get into your head. You may find that Jim has just been caught up with the festive family and friends duties...:rolleyes:

holyhead

When I say seperate path it means leaving him off and not continuing to engage with him. Yes I have attempted twice to engage with him without success. This ex mutual friend is peeved because she has one less idiot willing to buy her alcohol and I had the backbone to challenge her over her drinking.
I cant be certain this person didn't diss me to him but given her general behaviour since we no longer engage I cant rule it out as a possibility.
It's not like him not to return messages either fb or text. Its out of character.
As for the card while it may arrive its unlikely at this stage given its the 28th.
His partner never entered the conversation and it was never said his going was conditional on checking with him.
I have no problem with him not wanting to go if that was the case. People are entitled to change there mind.

Mr. Incognito

I don't think anyone can follow your posts.

Try short sentences on the same topic.

I have tried to translate.

You were due to go away with Jim. You have a mutual friend. You fell out with her over her drinking. She is spreading rumours and trying to have people disassociate with you. One of the people with whom she is driving a wedge is Jim and he no longer wants to go away with you.

Should you start spreading counter-rumours or launch a clear your name campaign??

I think, on balance, no. It all sounds like a bitchy childish group. Alcoholics push everyone away over time, just sit back and stay in touch with your mates and they will implode.

Any friends that "unfriend you on facebook" aren't really your friends so dont lose any sleep

Merkin

Holyhead is this just an excuse to rant over your ex alcoholic friend? In the last few years you have started countless, ranting threads on this matter you're clearly obsessed with and I think at this stage you would do well to go and speak to a professional about the way you conduct relationships.

rainbowtrout

holyhead, if you want to go away on this break with Jim, ring him and ask him what the story is. If he doesn't answer/return your call you know what the story is.


If you want to have a private conversation with someone don't post it on their facebook wall where other people can read it. You're just creating unnecessary drama for yourself.

holyhead

Incognito and Rainbowtrout thank you for your replies. Incognito you are right best to keep turning the other cheek and just get on with life. Rainbowtrout as people can't always take a call I text Jim wondering if it would suit for me to call him yesterday evening. I heard nothing back but he has my number if he wants to follow up. Leaving well alone.