Ex boyfriend is worryingly obsessive, need advice

comfortseeker

My ex and I were together on and off for 7 years, we split most recently a few weeks ago because I had enough of his controlling obsessive behaviour and lack of trust in me. He was always accusing me of cheating and rang the whole time to check on me. He was also obsessed with checking my snap chat numbers and who my "best friends" were. I snap chat a guy quiet a bit but it is 100% platonic and I don't fancy him in any way.

This morning he phoned me to see if I was ok because I hadn't sent any snap chats today, he rang back ten minutes later accusing me of been on the phone to his mate because he went off viber. This is kind of worrying me now which is why I posted. I know he has ADHD and doesn't take his meds anymore and I have tried getting him to see a doctor but he won't. I don't know what to do or think anymore?

Stojkovic

He rang you twice today and you answered BOTH times !!!!

You've got the problem dear, not him.

comfortseeker

Stojkovic wrote: »

He rang you twice today and you answered BOTH times !!!!

You've got the problem dear, not him.

That's a bit unnecessary to be fair I asked for advice on the situation, he just keeps ringing if I don't answer anyway

strandroad

comfortseeker wrote: »

That's a bit unnecessary to be fair I asked for advice on the situation, he just keeps ringing if I don't answer anyway

Block his number, cut him off. He has no business harassing you.

Meauldsegosha

comfortseeker wrote: »

That's a bit unnecessary to be fair I asked for advice on the situation, he just keeps ringing if I don't answer anyway

Block his number then he can't ring you. Then delete all his contact details. You were poking some other guy on FB yesterday so you obviously want to move on.

comfortseeker

Yes I do want to move on I want to get out more and have a life, I am only young and want to make the most of it. His behaviour has worsened over the past year and I feel I have missed out on so much. He's not going to change and I feel his behaviour is inappropriate and potentially dangerous

Typer Monkey

So stop encouraging him by communicating with him. Cut him off completely. He rang you to check why you hadn't sent any snap chats (I'm assuming that they're like texts?). Why are you texting him and taking his calls?

Tell him you don't want to communicate with him anymore and mean it. Delete him from all social media, block his number and dont respond to him ever. He's not your responsibility but your own actions are

comfortseeker

Victoria Fortescue wrote: »

If you want to move on why haven't you ended it? It sound's like your boyfriend did have something to worry about after all.

I have ended it a few weeks ago hence I use the term "ex boyfriend" in the post

Meauldsegosha

comfortseeker wrote: »

Yes I do want to move on I want to get out more and have a life, I am only young and want to make the most of it. His behaviour has worsened over the past year and I feel I have missed out on so much. He's not going to change and I feel his behaviour is inappropriate and potentially dangerous

You have to be strong and cut contact with. If you answer a call or reply you are feeding his obsession. I'm not victim blaming here just stating fact. He is an adult and responsible for his own actions and for taking his medication.

If you must, contact his relatives and let them deal with his non-medication but after that step away from the situation completely. Sometimes you have to be completely brutal and only think of yourself.

Big Bag of Chips

Do you have kids together? I'm just wondering why you are still in daily contact with an ex? I know you are getting a bit annoyed and defensive by the advice people are offering you - but you came here looking for advice on how to deal with/change the situation you are in.

If you continue doing the same thing, then nothing will change. And you will spend another 7 years, off and on with this fella. You have split up. Do you want to be split up? Do you want a relationship with him? If you are serious about breaking up with him then you have to "break up" with him. Break contact. Block his number. Tell him you cannot be in contact with him anymore, and then stop being in contact with him!

For as long as you reply to him, and keep contact he thinks he has some sort of right to know what's going on in your life. He doesn't really see it as you've broken up - he sees it as another break, and that you'll be back together again.

The only option you have is to stop humouring him.

SpaceTime

Some breakups can revert to 'just friends' but they're the exceptions. Most ex's are better off remaining ex's!

You need to just stop communicating with him or he'll continue to think he's in with a chance.

Sorry to be harsh but : block, delete, remove...

Otherwise neither party will move on.

Chara1001

But you're broken up op, why answer his calls? Why answer his questions or engage with him at all??
I think this is how you've been on and off for so long- you never cut contact.
What you do now is literally none of his business- but if you think he's potentially dangerous, you need to have a chat with the guards

Wompa1

Your ex-boyfriend didn't trust you and suspected you were or might cheat on him....you just posted that you fancied some guy on FB. It sounds like he was picking up vibes that you weren't that into him. Do him a favor and stop taking his calls and block his number.

He'll be heart broken for a while but then he'll move on and find somebody else