Wedding present dilemma

Ballfro

Hi guys,
Basically my good friend is getting married in February in the UK. I am obviously travelling over with my OH for two nights etc they put a note in the invite saying they don't want presents they want money instead. Maybe it's a culture thing but i find this quite rude, a very large portion of wedding party are travelling to be there, he is American so a lot from there too. I am getting married abroad in a few ye ars and if people can make it then we absolutely do not
want any gift one I would be horrified that they would think I would expect that.
My OH went back to college this year too so to even make it to wedding is big deal.
Am I alone in thinking this is rude? How should I handle this?
Thank you

stickybookmark

Ballfro wrote: »

Hi guys,
Basically my good friend is getting married in February in the UK. I am obviously travelling over with my OH for two nights etc they put a note in the invite saying they don't want presents they want money instead. Maybe it's a culture thing but i find this quite rude, a very large portion of wedding party are travelling to be there, he is American so a lot from there too. I am getting married abroad in a few ye ars and if people can make it then we absolutely do not
want any gift one I would be horrified that they would think I would expect that.
My OH went back to college this year too so to even make it to wedding is big deal.
Am I alone in thinking this is rude? How should I handle this?
Thank you

Good news for you- wedding presents in England could be something like a set pf pillowcases, they don't give the 100 euro per head present that we do in Ireland, nowhere even close! First off I agree, how rude! Give her 50 euro in total from the two of you is my advice

Penny Tration

I find it exceptionally rude.

I always give money as a gift because to be honest, most people prefer it as a wedding gift. However, I would find it extremely tasteless and tacky for someone to specifically ask for money.

If you can afford to give them a gift, choose a gift ir give them money, your choice. If you can't afford it, give them a card and a bottle of wine or something snall. If they're friends, they should be taking peoples' circumstances into consideration.

Scortho

At the same time there's only so much toasters, kettles, serving platters, nice bowls that one can fit in their house.
Nothing worse than getting something you already have.
If it was me I'd give the cash equivalent of the gift you were going to give.
If you were going to make a gift that would have lots of sentimental value to te bride and groom, I'd give that instead of cash, but I'd give cash to them instead of an unwanted gift.

No one gets married to make money.

fussyonion

Scortho wrote: »

At the same time there's only so much toasters, kettles, serving platters, nice bowls that one can fit in their house.
Nothing worse than getting something you already have.
If it was me I'd give the cash equivalent of the gift you were going to give.
If you were going to make a gift that would have lots of sentimental value to te bride and groom, I'd give that instead of cash, but I'd give cash to them instead of an unwanted gift.

No one gets married to make money.

Except Katie Price/Heather Mills/Kim Kardashian.....:D:D

JuliusCaesar

Ballfro wrote: »

Hi guys,
Basically my good friend is getting married in February in the UK. .....
My OH went back to college this year too so to even make it to wedding is big deal.

If they are a good friend, you should be able to say to them that you are a bit strapped and can't afford to give much as you are having to travel too. Then give a bottle of wine and a few quid (very few).

I'm sure they would prefer to have you there than a larger cash gift.

ABajaninCork

A decent money present at home is £25. Give them that.

midnight_train

Hey OP, I think you've gotten some good advice on this thread, but I just had to chime in!!

I went to a wedding several years ago, friends of my boyfriend at the time. The couple were from Dublin, but the wedding was on the Aran Islands, so, needless to say, every guest had to travel (including people from UK and Australia), book accommodation, etc. All fine, it was a lovely location. But I couldn't believe what they included on the invites!! They requested no gifts, but they did request money for a house deposit, and even included their account number in the invite! I'd never seen anything so tacky.

Anyway, I'd give them some money if you can afford it, but if you can't, a nice card with a handwritten message ... I always think framed photos are a lovely gift, people take millions of pics these days but no one takes the time to print them out and frame them, so if you've a nice pic of you and your friend, that might be an idea, too.

Good luck!

The Princess Bride

Hi OP.
I have gone to a lot of weddings in 20+ years and have never ever given a money gift, and I don't intend to start any time soon .
I only give vouchers or a present.
I have never fallen out with anyone post wedding because of my choice either.

Go, enjoy yourself and give what you would've given before they included that note with the invite.

stoeger

Get them a lotto ticket but check the number first

Scortho

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Hi OP.
I have gone to a lot of weddings in 20+ years and have never ever given a money gift, and I don't intend to start any time soon .
I only give vouchers or a present.
I have never fallen out with anyone post wedding because of my choice either.

Go, enjoy yourself and give what you would've given before they included that note with the invite.

Vouchers are worse than money. Reads "oh I wanted to give you a gift but couldn't think of anything so I got you this voucher that limits money you could have put to better use elsewhere".

Then you may end up with a minuscule amount left on the voucher because you can't think of anything else to buy.

Then you have the issue that the place the voucher is for goes bust, or the voucher expires, at least cash doesn't go into liquidation or expires.

midnight_train

Not necessarily. I love getting vouchers, absolutely love them. Would rather have that than a gift that I won't use.

thegreatgonzo

I usually give an all for one voucher they can be used in lots of places.

ABajaninCork

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

I usually give an all for one voucher they can be used in lots of places.

It's for a UK wedding. One For All vouchers don't work there...

I've just thought of something else, OP. M & S vouchers would be acceptable. You can buy them here and they can be used in the UK, and vice versa. Irish Debenham vouchers can only be used here though.

thegreatgonzo

There are probably lots of vouchers you can buy online for UK stores. My friends that got married recently live in Australia so I got them a voucher for Myers online.

R.D. aka MR.D

Are you upset that they are asking for cash or that they are asking for anything?

were you planning to give them anything at all?

If you weren't then i would say you know them best. Would they be upset if you didn't give them anything?

Personally, i wouldn't give them anything if i couldn't afford to. They've decided to ask you to their wedding to be with them on their special day and the associated costs with that.

Ballfro

Thank you all for your replies, of course I was planning on giving them something but found it in very poor taste that they ask for money directly. It is not something I agree with and feel embarrassed that people actually do this. I am going to give them something and have an idea that I am happy with and I think she will be too. I just can't justify giving them money when the cost is high enough just to be there.

Ballfro

Thank you all for your replies, of course I was planning on giving them something but found it in very poor taste that they ask for money directly. It is not something I agree with and feel embarrassed that people actually do this. I am going to give them something and have an idea that I am happy with and I think she will be too. I just can't justify giving them money when the cost is high enough just to be there.

tinkerbell

I think it is in very poor taste to ask for money and as a result, I'd be less inclined to give them anything since it's a wedding abroad. It's already costing you money for flights / ferry, 2 nights accommodation, etc to get there - that is a present enough for them. Just get them a nice card and leave it at that.

Maura74

tinkerbell wrote: »

I think it is in very poor taste to ask for money and as a result, I'd be less inclined to give them anything since it's a wedding abroad. It's already costing you money for flights / ferry, 2 nights accommodation, etc to get there - that is a present enough for them. Just get them a nice card and leave it at that.

I agree it is in poor taste, couple normally make wedding list and sent it out to the guests, on the list it would have had voucher/money, this way the couple do not get items that they do not want.

Lando Griffin

ABajaninCork wrote: »

A decent money present at home is £25. Give them that.

For added effect give it as 1 x £20 note and 5 x £1 coins.

Paddy Cow

midnight_train wrote: »

Not necessarily. I love getting vouchers, absolutely love them. Would rather have that than a gift that I won't use.

I love vouchers too because I actually have to buy something nice for myself. If I get money I spend it on bills etc.