Boyfriend takes a long time to text back

LegacyUser

I know this isn't a big issue compared to other problems on this forum, but it's something that is bothering me. I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now but his texting behaviour is frustrating me.

I would text him at a reasonable hour, maybe just after work, but then he wouldn't reply for a few hours. You might think that he is busy or something, but he does the exact same thing at weekends. Sometimes I would text him early in the afternoon and not hear from him until maybe 9 o'clock that night.

I use whatsapp to text him, so I know if he has read them or when he's last been online. Sometimes he'd be on a few times since I texted him which makes me wonder if he has time to check his phone every few minutes, why won't he reply?

I love getting texts from him and I try to reply as soon as possible. It's upsetting that he can't find a couple minutes to reply.

Is this something I should be worried about or am I overthinking it?

SingItOut

Have you tried ringing him instead of texting? Most people find texting annoying and vice versa with ringing

Typer Monkey

What are you texting him? Is it 'how is your day?' 'How are you?' type generic texts? Maybe he finds that a bit boring and is trying to 'train' you out of it without actually saying it. Maybe try not texting so much or only texting when you have something interesting/funny to say or as the poster above suggests just ring him in the evenings?

Some people just aren't into texting all day. I don't particularly like chatting on the phone and only ring people if I have something to tell them or need to know something fast. I find it a bit odd when someone rings me for no reason. Maybe he's like this when it comes to texting.

Also you could always just tell him it bothers you and see what he says. You'd be amazed at the problem solving ability of an honest chat!;)

wirelessdude01

Does he have a girlfriend? This is common behaviour when they are sneaking around. Just saying is all before anyone jumps on what i SAID.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Does he have a girlfriend? This is common behaviour when they are sneaking around. Just saying is all before anyone jumps on what i SAID.

Well that's a massive massive leap of faith there. He's not texting therefore must be cheating.

wirelessdude01

donkeyoaty0099 wrote: »

Well that's a massive massive leap of faith there. He's not texting therefore must be cheating.

I asked a question. That is all. We have all heard of things like this and sometimes cheating is the reason. No point sticking ones head in the sand and ignoring it as a possibility.

I get fed up with constant texting. If someone chooses to text me, they have to accept that equally I can choose when or if I want to return the text. I get very irritated by banal conversations that go on all day through text. If something text worthy is going on, by all means tell me about it. But if you're texting about waiting for a bus or what you're having for lunch, I'm not going to think up some reply and send it for the sake of it.

It's not a reflection on the people who send the text, it's not a reflection of whether or not I like talking to them in person, it's not a reflection of how much or little I think of them. It's just my preference. Lots of people don't like all day texting. And it does come across as clingy and even as if people are keeping tabs on me, both things that put me off.

Your boyfriend is probably the same.

CBX

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

I asked a question. That is all. We have all heard of things like this and sometimes cheating is the reason. No point sticking ones head in the sand and ignoring it as a possibility.

I would rule that out in this situation as there has been no change in behaviour. As in, it's not like her boyfriend has gone from texting her frequently to not texting. He has always behaved this way (from what I gather) so I doubt it is down to cheating.

I can take hours to read, let alone reply to a text or facebook message. If I hear my phone go off I'll glance at the screen and if its not urgent I will generally ignore it till I feel like it. This can often result in me replying to a message days after I recieve.

I never understood this constant need some people have to be constantly in contact. I had one friend whom if I dont reply to instantly would keep sending messaging asking why I wasn't replying. I had his phone number blocked and deleted him from facebook as a result.

Matteroffact

What you should do from now on is quit being the first to text. In future just reply to his texts, but don't initiate any yourself and this way you won't feel hard done by.

clairefontaine

I also hate texting. It took me a half an hour today to write a three sentence text. Between the auto correct and the tiny buttons I nearly went demented. Then the recipient asked me to resend. Ugh. Eh..no. Pick up the phone and call.

Plus delays on sending an receiving.

Super annoying means of communications, hate it. I may even return straight to analogue.

This texting business in relationships, is this adult separation anxiety? What you should do is surgically separate yourself from the phone and stick it in the freezer, then bring it out only when you need it.

m'lady

Take a step back and stop initiating contact all the time.. I get what you mean, and whilst it's a bit silly to expect an immediate response, it can be hurtful when you know he has received but not been arsed to reply? Just don't initiate, trust me in a day or so he will wonder what the hell is going on!

GreeBo

m'lady wrote: »

Take a step back and stop initiating contact all the time.. I get what you mean, and whilst it's a bit silly to expect an immediate response, it can be hurtful when you know he has received but not been arsed to reply? Just don't initiate, trust me in a day or so he will wonder what the hell is going on!

Isn't that just playing silly games?

m'lady

GreeBo wrote: »

Isn't that just playing silly games?

No I wouldn't consider it playing games, if look it as letting him realise that she's not going to constantly text him when she's getting nothing back... Or OP you could just chill a bit, he may not be a texter!

ElleEm

OP, have you actually sppken to your boyfriend about this? What is his reasoning behind his delay in responding to you?

LegacyUser

I dunno guys, it doesn't sound like she's haunting him or anything.

I would text a bf every day just cos having a phone conversation with your SO every day is mindnumbingly boring after a few days ("so....what did you have for lunch?...") yet if you've been together a while checking in is normal.

And I would expect them to get back to me in an hour or so during a work day - more than that if he was up the walls, or less if they were just at home watching TV. It depends on what they were doing/how busy or distracted I knew they were.

BUT if a bf habitually took about four hours to get back to me even if they were just at home watching TV? When they were messing on their phone the whole time?? Ah here....!

And yeah, we all have friends who take a day or so to get back to them - but these are generally not people we are in a romantic relationship with.

Put it this way....if he gets back to his mates quicker than he gets back to you? That says something about how lackadaisical he thinks he can be with you.

Look, say something to him. Make a joke if you have to, but if you don't say it it won't change. We all have our peeves. You're not unreasonable to have this one, imo.

Tasden

I could take ages to reply to my boyfriend and vice versa, we'd send the odd x to each other every once in a while just to let each other know we're thinking of them if we hadn't spoken in a few days but actual back and forth conversations are a bit boring over text. Trying to think of a response, not being able to convey tone unless you use smilies which all seems kind of juvenile, limiting characters so you're not writing a novel without resorting to text speak which makes it impossible to read, its a lot of hassle. We'd e mail regulay enough to catch up with what's going on if we havent time to see each other that week but often one of us would stop and then start again another day. Life gets in the way. Also, it depends how often you see him, if you're going to be seeing him later that day he probably doesn't feel the need to tell you all that's happening through text when he's going to see you soon anyway, I mean what are you gonna talk about then! If he's not mad about texting then there's no real point in trying to get him to reply to your messages as its just going to be out of obligation. Nothing against you.

GreeBo

I dunno, I'd be a frequent texter, phonecalls are very stop/start,you ring, say what you have to say and then hangup.
With a txt or msg you can just fire one out as you think of something or see something on TV etc.

I'd be pretty miffed if I was sending stuff and being ignored, unless I had been specifically told, "hey, im not really into texting"

Tasden

Would you text a question though or just an observation? A lot of people only text back if asked a specific question because they don't have anything to say, I mean writing back haha/lol or whatever can seem a bit tedious, but replying by asking a question or starting a conversation that you really didn't intend to otherwise is not much better, especially if you don't want to be continuing it over the course of the day. It really depends on the person though and without him knowing its an issue for you he may not even think about it.

Op, the chances are he's just not interested in texting. Not everyone wants an ongoing one-line conversation. I'd personally be very irritated if someone expected me to text replies all day, regardless of whether I want to or not, because they've decided it's rude if I don't. I think the opposite is true, and it's rude to keep engaging someone in something they obviously aren't interested in. Give him a bit of peace.

Leave off the texts. If you get on well when you're together that's whats important. Putting this much investment on a 130 character message and the timing of it's reply is trivial and unnecessary. He's just not a texter, don't make it into a huge thing.

GreeBo

I can see how some wouldn't be into it, but I'd be having concerns if my partner in a relationship found interacting with me tedious and didn't have much to say back to me.

If they weren't into it they should say, as it should be pretty obvious that the one who keeps texting is...
If you care about someone you either reply or you explain.
Ignoring an issue isn't terribly mature or a good way to stay together imo

Tasden

But its not really interacting with someone to some people, its letters on a screen. I get what you mean though but in his eyes it may not really mean much, same with me, I'm not on Facebook or anything and I just don't find any technology based communication very personal or meaningful so don't put much thought into the whole thing. Which leads me to my next point, that he may not be ignoring an issue as he may not even realise its an issue, he might enjoy her texts, not think they warrant a reply and that's the end of it as far as he's concerned. Like if op said it to him why aren't you replying then obviously its rude, or if she's asking questions or whatever, but he may just not even be aware that she expects replies. If its hurting you op then of course discuss it with him but he's not a mind reader so don't attribute any reasons or motives to his behavior when so far he may not see it as hurtful or rude etc. That would be my take on it anyway but like I said I don't really view it in the same way others would.

GreeBo

Each to their own. I get a warm fuzzy feeling if I pick up my phone and see a txt from my partner. I know they are thinking about me, even if they are busy or whatever.

For me the partner who is not replying should be aware that obviously the other person likes texting and would appreciate a response

LegacyUser

Ah lads, seriously?! Are ye 14?

Maybe he just doesn't like texting? I don't understand these couples who feel the need to be in constant contact with each other. I text my boyfriend the odd time and he usually texts back about 3 or 4 hours later. Sometimes he doesn't reply at all. Ah well.

Just ring him and have a proper conversation..

GreeBo

mmsdasd wrote: »

Ah lads, seriously?! Are ye 14?

Maybe he just doesn't like texting? I don't understand these couples who feel the need to be in constant contact with each other. I text my boyfriend the odd time and he usually texts back about 3 or 4 hours later. Sometimes he doesn't reply at all. Ah well.

Just ring him and have a proper conversation..

You don't like texting? Seriously, are you 80?

Some people don't like calls, each to their own.

LegacyUser

^ But why should be boyfriend be obliged to text him back everytime he texts her? Maybe she is used to other guys who are more into texting, so it could just get a bit of getting used to!

I don't think you have anything to worry about OP. I would bring it up with him, don't give out to him about it thought, just ask if he likes texting or not!