He keeps flirting with me....its driving me crazy

wurzlitzer

This guy I work with who has a girlfriend keeps flirting with me. The problem is I fancy him back, he's funny, charming, kind. But when he flirts with me I get mad coz it makes me uncomfortable, I feel my feelings are getting stronger for him, I feel it's unfair on me to be toying with my emotions.

However today across the table at lunch He looked at me for over a minute, my heart was racing, i held his stare. I swear I think I fell in love with him there & then.

So when I left work this evening I said goodbye and he wished me a lovely evening, but felt so dejected as I know he is crazy about his girlfriend, that he is just flirting with me coz he may be bored.

So I feel I need to leave my job. As I feel if anything happens between us it is doomed. Its the first time I have been this so in love with someone that I have not first met in a pub. I have tried to avoid him but despite this we have gotten close.

So do I leave my job? How do I move on from this situation. How do I forget about him and of any possibility of anything happening. Basically I want him to lose interest in me for good.

What a fix

You're not in love with him, you're infatuated with the attention. Even if you did get with him, which he's made sure you know is never going to happen, you'd never feel secure knowing that he led you on while claiming to be crazy about his girlfriend.

He doesn't need to lose interest in you - and he sounds like a git - you need to lose interest in him.

Flirting takes two to work, so quit your end of the transaction and chances are he'll play with someone else to pass the time. Chat with someone else, don't try to be his friend.

wurzlitzer

You are right, stop flirting back it's harder than you think.

Originally I would ignore the banter so he would try & try again until I would loose my temper. So I quit that now I just try & be civil & smile.

Yep, will cut out flirting back of the little I do, do. But when it's when we are just being neutral that's when we seem to get closer.

You are right I should just cut out the flirting back. Stop encouraging him. I need to get real.

Thanks

GreeBo

Try to spend little to no time together when it's just the two of you. When there is previous even a funny look across a table can cause teenage level reactions.
In group situations, if he starts this, just get up and talk to someone else, another guy maybe. Don't try to make him jealous, just neutralise the situation.

LegacyUser

I was in a very similar situation a few years back, fell for a guy in work, he flirted like mad and was very quiet about the fact he had a gfriend all along. They eventually broke up, I was with someone else. This back and forth went on about two years, mind games, intense flirting and even dates (during both being single periods) until it came to a head I committed to a serious boyfriend, he met someone travelling and they moved in

His flirting continued and he would drop mean things about his gfriend into conversation regarding her weight, how he's not that into her etc all the while I knew he was mad about her and living with her! I came to realise he is an ass and thrives off female attention, any attention, the type of guy who can't handle not pleasing everyone or being liked by all. I think he said these things to make himself seem attainable but he came across as totally insecure.

I changed departments and haven't looked back, I'm very happy with my other half and we are working on building a strong and solid future together. I have cut this person out of my life for the sake of my relationship as I realise we could not be friends no matter how much he insisted we were great 'mates'.

If I were you I would do the same move departments if possible or cool off the friendship if possible. I would never usually give the advice of running away from an issue but in this instance I know it works.

ivytwine

wurzlitzer wrote: »

This guy I work with who has a girlfriend keeps flirting with me. The problem is I fancy him back, he's funny, charming, kind. But when he flirts with me I get mad coz it makes me uncomfortable, I feel my feelings are getting stronger for him, I feel it's unfair on me to be toying with my emotions.

However today across the table at lunch He looked at me for over a minute, my heart was racing, i held his stare. I swear I think I fell in love with him there & then.

So when I left work this evening I said goodbye and he wished me a lovely evening, but felt so dejected as I know he is crazy about his girlfriend, that he is just flirting with me coz he may be bored.

So I feel I need to leave my job. As I feel if anything happens between us it is doomed. Its the first time I have been this so in love with someone that I have not first met in a pub. I have tried to avoid him but despite this we have gotten close.

So do I leave my job? How do I move on from this situation. How do I forget about him and of any possibility of anything happening. Basically I want him to lose interest in me for good.

What a fix

Come on OP, really? If it's a career would you risk it for a crush, and if it's just to pay the bills, you have noticed the spot of bother the country's found itself in over the last few years?

You have a crush. And I know what it's like to be around someone so attractive you can hardly breathe, but you have to realise that being mature is to realise that you can't always get what you want.

Put distance between yourself and this guy. Come in, do your job and go home again. He's got a girlfriend. There are another 3 billion men in the world, go find one of them.

Sorry if that all comes across harshly, but you're not a teenager, so stop acting like one.

Lauzzy22

I was in the exact same boat! I was 18 at the time though and it was my first real job. Flirting constantly then eventually him and the girlfriend broke up silly me thought it was for me obviously not cause once he got what he wanted after a month he got bored and went back to his girlfriend and I was devestated for ages after it cause the build up to it and then to be so let down! When I look back all I think is how could I of been so so so stupid and what was goin through my head!! Look at it this way he has a girlfriend and he's carryin on like that with you what's not to say he'd do the same thing on you?? Clearly this does not bother him! I wouldn't approach him about it or anything I'd just not entertain him and. If he ends up breakin up with the girlfriend leave it as long as ye can to know there broken up for definite if he asks ye out cause you don't wanna be a rebound either let him chase you if that's what it comes to, but steer clear of the flirting.

The Corinthian

wurzlitzer wrote: »

This guy I work with who has a girlfriend keeps flirting with me. The problem is I fancy him back, he's funny, charming, kind.

What makes you think he fancies you?

I flirt a lot. I flirt with women I have absolutely no interest in or find in the least bit attractive. Why? Because a lot of people like the attention, the compliment of being flirted with - especially when they're not attractive and don't normally get the attention. Because it's fun. Because people flirting back is fun and flattering to me.

And because I profit by it; if I flirt a little with a barmaid, I'll more likely get better service, just as if a barmaid flirts with a customer, she'll more likely get better tips. I've had my flights upgraded for free, had fines or deadlines overlooked and gotten freebies, more than once, at least in large part due to flirting.

Now, I will avoid flirting if it's with someone who'll likely feel uncomfortable or misinterpret my intentions, but this isn't always self-evident. So if I do flirt, without realizing, with someone who doesn't like the attention and they don't flirt back, I'll just stop flirting with them. After all, flirting is supposed to make the other person feel good, not bad.

So to you, I'd suggest; don't presume there's anything romantic or sexual behind his flirts and if it makes you ultimately feel uncomfortable, don't reciprocate and it'll quickly stop.

strobe

Is he even flirting? I'm a friendly kinda lad, make the odd cheeky joke, give a compliment when I think someone would appreciate it The amount of times over the years women have read that as more than it was is unreal. There may be much less of an issue here than you think.

sligoface

Going to HR and saying he's enjoying the power is a good bit OTT. She likes him and has flirted back, if a girl is unreceptive to flirting a guy will usually stop to avoid looking stupid. And leaving the job over this would be silly. Focus on your work and make no effort to flirt back and he will probably lose interest, if he continues he will look pretty dumb.

Flirting with you doesn't mean he would leave his current gf or that he wants to be with you, flirting is natural and can be relatively innocent fun, or at least it should be as long as both parties realize it is not meant to be taken as a serious advance. Talk about other guys you fancy, find an available guy to date and casually drop the fact you have a date into conversation, make the whole thing up if need be, and encourage him to talk about his gf/relationship, that way you can steer the relationship with him into the 'friend zone', where conversations are less about you and him and more about you and another guy or him and his gf. Fwiw, I have a gf, I flirt and so does my gf, usually without even realizing it, for some people it just comes natural, but we are committed to each other and it would never go any further.

It might seem like a tough situation, but if you think him flirting makes you want to leave work, imgine what it would be like if you were to be dating someone you worked with, or if you got with him and things didn't work out and he went bck to his gf. Waaay more awkward.