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Boyfriends past...

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  • 17-12-2013 1:30pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My boyfriend and I have been going out for 6 months (I am female), and the other night he admitted that he was in a brief gay relationship a couple of years ago. Obviously I was a bit shocked... He doesnt want to tell me what happened, only that it went a "bit further". Can anyone tell me what you think that means?

    Thanks


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    #2
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,030 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Hmmmm..what wrote: »
    My boyfriend and I have been going out for 6 months (I am female), and the other night he admitted that he was in a brief gay relationship a couple of years ago. Obviously I was a bit shocked... He doesnt want to tell me what happened, only that it went a "bit further". Can anyone tell me what you think that means?

    Thanks

    I'm not sure - it could mean various things

    # It was serious
    # They had sex
    # Something difficult happened

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #3
    Goodshape
    Registered Users Posts: 8,488 ✭✭✭Goodshape


    Hmmmm..what wrote: »
    He doesnt want to tell me what happened, only that it went a "bit further". Can anyone tell me what you think that means?

    Not knowing any more than that... I'd guess it means they had sex, and he's not that comfortable spelling out his past sexual escapades to his new girlfriend? Not the easiest thing to talk about with new lovers in any situation.

    But I really don't know. Does it matter? Should it matter?

    Would you be worrying the same if he had been talking about a past girlfriend?


    Probably not much you can do but accept that everyone has a past and he's in a relationship with you now regardless of it. Or, you know.. tell him it's playing on your mind and discuss it with him.


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    #4
    Locker10a
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 4,162 Mod ✭✭✭✭Locker10a


    You are lucky to have a guy who is honest with you! Lots of guys wouldnt have told you that! He obviously trusts you and to me that shows you are in a good relationship


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here: I dont mind that he told me, or what happened. I guess I am only trying to understand.

    By sex, what do you mean?

    -Mutual masturbation
    -Oral
    -Penetration


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    #6
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Hmmmm..what wrote: »
    My boyfriend and I have been going out for 6 months (I am female), and the other night he admitted that he was in a brief gay relationship a couple of years ago. Obviously I was a bit shocked... He doesnt want to tell me what happened, only that it went a "bit further". Can anyone tell me what you think that means?

    Thanks

    Let the past be the past for both of you.
    Asking a forum "Can anyone tell me what you think that means?" is pointless.
    No one not you or anyone on here can second anything.Your BF didn't want to tell you and its his right .
    The reality is he is WITH YOU NOW and that's all that should matter


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    #7
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    Let the past be the past for both of you.
    Asking a forum "Can anyone tell me what you think that means?" is pointless.
    No one not you or anyone on here can second anything.Your BF didn't want to tell you and its his right .
    The reality is he is WITH YOU NOW and that's all that should matter

    I think your right in that we can't tell the OP anything insightful.

    However, I think the OP may need to have a conversation with her bf, now or something in the near future, if this is going to be something that is likely to weigh on her mind.

    I think in fairness her bf needs to at least explain the context to her, or what he sees as his sexuality, because it is something that can potentially impact on her. It's reasonable that should would have questions and want to know that there's not something lurking in his past which might have implications for their own relationship.

    Who knows what the answers to her questions are, or what his orientation is, but I think if that if they are in a serious relationship, or it's going to get serious with her, he should explain things for her peace of mind.

    That said, the OP shouldn't pressure him and let him explain in his own time. And she should be respectful and understanding, and not jump to any conclusions. She needs to accept going into the conversation that just because he had a relationship with a guy it doesn't mean he's gay, and she should let me know that she can be trusted to keep it confidential and that she just wants to discuss it and won't be critical it judgmental.

    If they can't manage an open, frank and respectful conversation about sex and sexuality there are bigger issues than who he might have slept with in the past.


    OP I would take comfort in the fact he told you. If he was gay and just pretending to he straight, which I suspect us your fear, then he probably wouldn't have told you. Closeted gay people guard those secrets very dearly, especially from their nearest and dearest.

    Just because somebody has been in a same sex relationship it doesn't make them gay. Heck, they might be just barely bisexual and his ex might be the only guy who has ever attracted him like that and likely ever will.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here: I dont mind that he told me, or what happened. I guess I am only trying to understand.

    By sex, what do you mean?

    -Mutual masturbation
    -Oral
    -Penetration


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    #9
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,030 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Hmmm..what wrote: »
    OP here: I dont mind that he told me, or what happened. I guess I am only trying to understand.

    By sex, what do you mean?

    -Mutual masturbation
    -Oral
    -Penetration
    I've no idea - maybe one of the above - maybe not

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #10
    Shakti
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,153 ✭✭✭Shakti


    I think your bf's the best person to ask if not the only person other than his ex that could provide that level of detail,


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    #11
    _Redzer_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,056 ✭✭✭_Redzer_


    If he was in a brief gay relationship I say he had sex with the guy realistically. No big deal tbh


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