Partners work colleague out of line

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Maybe i'm over reacting. But I really haven't been able to shake this off.
So my other half (over 5 years) was out at his christmas party the other night and there is a new girl who recently has started with them. Anyway at the end of the night he gave me a call i asked him how was the night blah blah. he said it was great craic and a girl called him eye candy and really good looking. Anyway i went along with this and just joked 'of course he is good looking sure i'm goin out with you!!' Anyway it turns out it was the new girl at work that has said this to him and they had a really good chat at the party she has a boyfriend they split up for a while and got back together etc. At this point she says that tom (also works for company) is good looking too but not as good looking as you(my OH).

Should I be a bit alarmed, is he just trying to get attention off me. She knows about me so I really think she was inappropriate.

Merkin

He obviously doesn't get that many compliments if he felt compelled to tell you.

It was immature of him to tell you, sounds like a bit of drunken banter and he's obviously not used to people telling him but I wouldn't read too much into it.

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe he was just flattered. It's nice to hear a compliment, and he wanted to tell you that he got a compliment. Would you prefer if she had said it to him, and he felt he couldn't/shouldn't tell you? I'd be more inclined to question any motives if he was hiding things from you.

I was out one night, and a fella told me I had the most amazing eyes he's ever seen (I really, genuinely don't!! - Growing up it was always a standing joke in school, that my eyes are "no colour"!! You know those bits of work you'd do where you say "my name is...., I have brown hair. Green eyes etc... " I could never say that. Mine was "I have browney/greyey/greeny eyes"!) Anyway - this fella seemed genuinely taken with my eyes (??) And then spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures of his 8 month old and his girlfriend on his phone, and telling me how much he loved them, and how he couldn't wait to get married! I told my husband when I got home! (I wasn't trying to provoke a reaction, or get "attention" from him.)

My husband occassionally gets complimented too, and he tells me, almost surprised that someone would compliment him (!) As Merkin says - it doesn't happen often, so it IS a surprise, a nice surprise, when you do get one. I wouldn't think it immature to share it with your partner though? I trust my husband, he trusts me, so it doesn't really matter if other people think we are gorgeous But it's nice to hear, occassionally!

The girl paid him a compliment.

Not everyone who thinks your boyfriend is good looking has designs on him. Relax.

CaraMay

She was flirting with him, probably just for the crack, aß that's what happens at Xmas parties. He seemed to take it more seriously and believe what she said. Dont know why he told you and don't know what you are going to do once you get your responses on here?

stargazer 68

He was flattered by the attention and wanted you to know! Don't see what the big issue is OP. He told you about it and didn't try to hide anything.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Don't really get why you're alarmed OP. you should be happy other girls think he is hot and he is going home to you.

I would always ask the guy I'd be meeting if he got chatted up if he was out at the weekend without me or whatever. It's harmless as long as your trust him

username123

Why would you be alarmed? Partner tells you things that happened on a night out - nothing unusual about that?

Toast4532

You don't have anything to be alarmed about OP. If it's a case that your partner has a history of cheating then maybe I would be concerned, but otherwise, no.

As for the colleague, she was out of line, most definitely in my opinion anyway. Personally as someone in a relationship I would never tell another man, that I thought he is hot, and certainly not if I knew he had a girlfriend.

She clearly meant it as a compliment, but I would watch out for similar comments in future - if she continues with such compliments in future, your boyfriend needs to have a word and set her straight.

The Corinthian

christmas party saga wrote: »

Should I be a bit alarmed, is he just trying to get attention off me. She knows about me so I really think she was inappropriate.

In order:

No. Not unless you believe that your partner is likely to be unfaithful as a result.

Possibly he's looking for simelar attention from you; his reaction to these compliments at least points to a lack of compliments in his life normally.

Why is it inappropriate? Did she proposition him? Suggest anything sexual? Make anything other than a compliment one might make to a friend?

Another way to look at it is this; were a single, male colleague of yours to compliment you and say you're very attractive, would that be inappropriate too?

LegacyUser

OP here,

I thought i was being drastic here!... i just heard the story from him and in my mind i was thinking the Love Actually storyline with the receptionist!

Its not like I don't find other guys attractive.... its just i don't go and say it to their faces and i don't think my boyfriend would like it if i was so I don't think her boyfriend would like it either.

Anyway time to let it go and agree with this girl that my boyfriend is hot and I'm a lucky lady!

cloudatlas

The new girl sounds a bit immature but I wouldn't let it ruin your working relationship with her. I'd be more concerned if I heard it from a third party and b.f. hadn't said anything about it. If he told you then obviously he didn't think it was all that serious. If he had been into her he wouldn't have told you!

The only concern is if there is a worrying context. Do you and your b.f. play games with each other where you try to make each other jealous? Or is this a once off off the cuff remark?

ivytwine

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Maybe he was just flattered. It's nice to hear a compliment, and he wanted to tell you that he got a compliment. Would you prefer if she had said it to him, and he felt he couldn't/shouldn't tell you? I'd be more inclined to question any motives if he was hiding things from you.

I was out one night, and a fella told me I had the most amazing eyes he's ever seen (I really, genuinely don't!! - Growing up it was always a standing joke in school, that my eyes are "no colour"!! You know those bits of work you'd do where you say "my name is...., I have brown hair. Green eyes etc... " I could never say that. Mine was "I have browney/greyey/greeny eyes"!) Anyway - this fella seemed genuinely taken with my eyes (??) And then spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures of his 8 month old and his girlfriend on his phone, and telling me how much he loved them, and how he couldn't wait to get married! I told my husband when I got home! (I wasn't trying to provoke a reaction, or get "attention" from him.)

My husband occassionally gets complimented too, and he tells me, almost surprised that someone would compliment him (!) As Merkin says - it doesn't happen often, so it IS a surprise, a nice surprise, when you do get one. I wouldn't think it immature to share it with your partner though? I trust my husband, he trusts me, so it doesn't really matter if other people think we are gorgeous But it's nice to hear, occassionally!

The girl paid him a compliment.

Not everyone who thinks your boyfriend is good looking has designs on him. Relax.

Very much off topic but my ex had those eyes too and they are beautiful, think it's the way they change every time you look at them!

Anyway, I'd be more worried if he didn't tell you OP. And in fairness men don't get compliments as much as women do in my experience, and when it happens they are thrilled. Sure a colleague of mine posted it on Facebook when a girl called him good-looking!

It's you he came home with, and you are indeed the lucky lady

LegacyUser

op maybe boyfriend lacks confidence and this girl gave him a boost? i think its ok as long as you boyfriend doesnt get carried away or get a big head and just sees it as a throwaway remark