Shooting the messanger

HappyBalance

Hi all,

I will try and keep this as brief as possible.

A good female friend of mine has been cheated on by her boyfriend of 5 years. This has happened more than once that I know of.

My issue is do I tell her? Will she blame me?

I want her to know because she doesn't deserve to be treated like this. Is there any way I can tell her without her getting angry at me?

Many Thanks

CaraMay

How do you know? Have you seen him in action yourself?

freshpopcorn

Do you have any proof or is it just your word against his?

HappyBalance

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Do you have any proof or is it just your word against his?

Saw him outside a nightclub kissing a girl and then getting into a taxi with her

Meauldsegosha

If you have absolute evidence that her boyfriend has cheated and you tell her you have to accept that it will change your friendship.

If she breaks up with him you'll be the person who broke up her relationship. If she stays with him you'll be the one who knows she is happy to have a cheater as a boyfriend.

CaraMay

HappyBalance wrote: »

Saw him outside a nightclub kissing a girl and then getting into a taxi with her

I'd tell her tbh. If she chooses to stay with him then more fool her but she deserves the truth. Also if it were me I'd want to know.

HappyBalance

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

If you have absolute evidence that her boyfriend has cheated and you tell her you have to accept that it will change your friendship.

If she breaks up with him you'll be the person who broke up her relationship. If she stays with him you'll be the one who knows she is happy to have a cheater as a boyfriend.

That is exactly it! Should I not say anything?

CaraMay

HappyBalance wrote: »

That is exactly it! Should I not say anything?

She deserves to know.

HappyBalance

CaraMay wrote: »

I'd tell her tbh. If she chooses to stay with him then more fool her but she deserves the truth. Also if it were me I'd want to know.

Thanks. She is madly in love with him, he can do know wrong in her eyes. I don't want this to cause a rift between us

3DataModem

HappyBalance wrote: »

Thanks. She is madly in love with him, he can do know wrong in her eyes. I don't want this to cause a rift between us

A true friend should be willing to risk the friendship for the other persons good.

HappyBalance

What do people consider cheating? Is kissing cheating? I don't have evidence that they slept together

CaraMay

HappyBalance wrote: »

Thanks. She is madly in love with him, he can do know wrong in her eyes. I don't want this to cause a rift between us

I know but look at the big picture - can you wish her well if she is marrying him and you know he has been cheating on her? What if he gives her a sti? He is making a fool of her. I don't think I would stand by and let my friend be treated like that.

Stavro Mueller

Danger is that if she finds out and knows you knew all the time, it could cause a rift either. This is the sort of thread where different people have different opinions. You'll have people telling you to keep your nose out of their relationship. Then others who will tell you that you should tell her.

Personally, if it was my fella cheating on me I'd like to know. But that's just me.

freshpopcorn

It's hard to know what to do in situations like this.
Some people would want you to keep your nose out of it and say nothing.
Some would want to know the truth.
Some won't believe you if you tell them the truth without evidence(A picture/video)
If you do decide not to tell her I would keep the information to yourself!

LegacyUser

I was told once that my then OH was cheating on me.Perhaps it's just me, I am forever grateful to the person that broke that news to me. We broke up very same day,after similar length of relationship to your friend. You might do her a favour by telling her. Perhaps there's more to this "madly in love" than you know. But that's just me, been there.Forever grateful.

Maga

People cheat for many different reasons, and there are many different ways of cheating on someone (fantasising about a co-worker?/Porn?/reading a novel with a hot guy?/kissing someone when drunk?/one night stand? etc etc) - where do we draw the line? There's also people who don't cheat and are horrible to their partners and ppl who do cheat once and can be fantastic to their partner.

I do agree with others who said that no matter what happens she might resent you (=shoot the messenger).

Incidentally, I recently read a very interesting and thought-provoking article about cheating, and the take home message is 1) People cheat for a thousand different reasons, and 2) Above all, "it's better not to tell"

It's a very interesting read if anyone wants to take a look. "Why we have affairs and why not to tell"
http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1820942,00.html

In short: I def wouldn't tell her. Maaaaaaybe I'd drop a hint.

m'lady

I'd have a 'little chat' with this lovely boyfriend of hers, and tell him that if he doesn't tell her, you will.
I'd also not be telling him straightaway where/when you saw him kissing this girl, it will give him the chance to make up some excuse - let him dig his own grave.

Periwinkle!

You said you know of it happening on more than one occasion, did you see him those times also? If so he is clearly doing things like this regularly on your friend. She deserves the truth and to be with someone who is goin to be faithful and have respect for her. Telling her will affect the friendship between ye. She may not believe anything you say and choose to stay with him but at least you were honest and that's what friends are for. Good luck op.