Violent / ish partner

LegacyUser

Hi boardsies. Unreg for this. Short and sweet too.

My other half and I have been together over a year. This has been a problem since I've known him - he can speak very violently about people he hates, minority groups etc.

This disgusts me, he describes quite clearly what he'd do to them etc. Wishes them dead etc.

I find this absolutely despicable and disgusting. Yeah I believe that if you've done something wrong, you'd deserve it.

He's never acted on this or wouldn't, I know. I just can't stand him to be this violent.

Saying horribly violent things he'd like to do to minority groups?

I'll keep my post short and sweet too. I'd get as far away from him as possible.

Typer Monkey

He sounds like a right charmer :rolleyes:

Where do you see his relationship going? Do you want to have children? He'll be spewing this bile in front of them and warping their little minds. Is that what you want for you and your possible future children?

Being a parent means setting an example for your children. Being an emotionally healthy adult means setting standards of behaviour for yourself and those you choose to have in your life. Those standards are yours to choose. Choose wisely.

CaraMay

The reason for going out with someone is to see if they are a good fit for you and if you actually like them. A big aspect of his character doesn't suit you so maybe you are not suited

Stavro Mueller

Have you said anything to him about this? I'm curious to know what his reaction was. Or what you think it might be.

Emme

If you have children with this man he will more than likely pass his prejudices on to them. Would you like your children to grow up prejudiced?

stargazer 68

Idontknowwhattodo. wrote: »

This disgusts me, he describes quite clearly what he'd do to them etc. Wishes them dead etc.

I find this absolutely despicable and disgusting. Yeah I believe that if you've done something wrong, you'd deserve it.

.

This should be enough for you!

heretochat

You have stayed with this guy for a year and a half even though you say certain aspects of his behaviour disgust you? Why have you stayed with him.

He sounds like a lovely lad altogether.. Pity there aren't more like him.. I would wonder why you haven't raised this with him. Are you afraid of his reaction?

December2012

You don't like him, so break it off.

This is not trivial.

Zen65

I don't think that these prejudices grow softer with age. Your tolerance of his views will shrink further in time and you grow to detest being in his presence. Hatred is not an attractive attribute.

You know already what you need to do to maintain your sanity.

ivytwine

So what happens when you go for drinks with workmates and one (or more) of them are of a different race?

What happens when you have kids and they want to go playing with someone of a different colour?

Or they repeat his nonsense and get in trouble in school?

Have you ever challenged him on his views? You say he's 'violent-ish'? Are you afraid to tell him you disagree?

LegacyUser

My advice is if a man is like this it won't change/improve over time.

If you stay with him you will worry that he will beat up some one for no reason some day.
He will open his mouth and insult friends/family/relations. Also if you stay with him and have children he will tell them I don't want you to have /// friends or something equally as nice.

Some times we get warning signals about people/situations which we can act on or chose to ignore. I have seen friends ignore certain things about boyfriends/partners in the past and they lived to regret this long term.
If your going out with a man who is saying things like this I would take it as a warning signal to end things.
You better off to being on your own than being with a man who is like this.

thegreatgonzo

Idontknowwhattodo. wrote: »

He's never acted on this or wouldn't, I know. .

But could he happily stand by while somebody else did? Would he encourage someone else to do it? Words can incite violence too. Like someone said above, this is not trivial.

deirdremf

Idontknowwhattodo. wrote: »

Hi boardsies. Unreg for this. Short and sweet too.
...
I just can't stand him to be this violent.

Despite your choice of username, I think youdoknowwhattodo.
Run away as fast as you can.
Let him find someone who "appreciates" him, as you don't and won't.

Neyite

Idontknowwhattodo. wrote: »

Hi boardsies. Unreg for this. Short and sweet too.

My other half and I have been together over a year. This has been a problem since I've known him - he can speak very violently about people he hates, minority groups etc.

This disgusts me, he describes quite clearly what he'd do to them etc. Wishes them dead etc.

I find this absolutely despicable and disgusting. Yeah I believe that if you've done something wrong, you'd deserve it.

He's never acted on this or wouldn't, I know. I just can't stand him to be this violent.

You cant know that he would never assault someone, you are with him just over a year. People can keep their violent tendencies hidden for years, decades even.

Your choice of words is interesting. Saying he is violent in what he says, when the word violence is usually associated with a physical action. To speak of what he would like to do to people he dislikes, and also that he seems to have a lengthy list of who he hates, these are red flags.

How many people do you know that "hate" others? Not many, I'd imagine. Sure, there are people we work with that we might not like very much, or family members who wind us up a bit. But hate? We may all say things in the heat of the moment like "I'd love to strangle them" but usually, its because they have annoyed you, and you'd never actually strangle them.

If his hatred is directed towards certain nationalities, ethnic groups, genders or sexual orientation then you are better off without him.