Hate Getting Dressed Up

LegacyUser

I suppose this would be more suited to the Fashion/Appearance sub-forum but I wanted to go anon for this.

Basically my problem is that I'm a girl and I hate dressing up for nights out. I'm in my first year of college and I've only been out to the nightclubs in town about five or six times. It's not that I'm shy or quiet, it's that I actually feel physically uncomfortable in dresses and skirts. Don't even get me started on heels! I look like an idiot in them because I honestly cannot walk in them.

Now you're probably all thinking I don't bother with my appearance in the daytime, but I do! I actually look forward to doing my makeup and styling my hair in the morning - and I know it sounds shallow but I wouldn't even think about stepping outside the door without doing both of those every morning. I always have my nails painted and everything in order. I love my everyday casual wear (leather jackets, blouse, skinny jeans, flats etc.) because I feel comfortable and myself in them. I've no qualms about my figure, like every woman some days I like it, other days I'm meh about it.

When it comes to putting on a dress and heels I just feel completely out of my comfort zone, even when I'm drinking. I can't muck about because I'm constantly thinking my dress is going to fly up or my top is going to come down or I'm going to mangle myself in the heels. I feel like I'm on show too and people are looking and if someone compliments me, I just think "oh God, I need to change". I've tried to go half way, in that I'll keep my black skinny jeans and team it with a really nice top but then in order to make it dressy I have to put heels on and I then look like a right eejit because I can barely walk (even in smaller heels with those cushion supports).

I feel like I'm very different to other girls in this respect, anytime I see girls out, they always look gorgeous and confident while I feel like I should have a huge cape wrapped around myself. They even enjoy that aspect of getting ready, whilst I absolutely hate it!

On the regular weekly nights out in college I'll usually drink with my housemates/ friends at different apartments, have a bit of craic and then when they're going out, I'll head off to bed - which is a dampener, because I'm not in any way against nightclubs. I may not be mad about chart music but I like dancing and that.

A lot of the friends I have made in college are male, due to the fact my course is male dominated and my housemates are all guys and I just feel so comfortable when we're all sitting around having a laugh and drinking because they're just dressed in jeans and a shirt. But then girls will come in all done up to the nines, and I know that I'm supposed to look like them, not like the lads. And it's strange because I'm very feminine in appearance anyway and I love all kinds of girly stuff but the thoughts of being dressed like that just makes me uncomfortable. What's worse is when the girls ask me; "are you getting dressed up?"

Is my confidence maybe a little low? Was there anyone in a similar situation to myself who got over it and just started to enjoy getting ready/ going out dressed up?

Note: I hope this thread doesn't make me come across as some kind of woman hater! I love women, some of my best friends are girls back home and the majority of my friends have always been girls! It's just that since college started I've found that I can be 100% myself around my friends who happen to be male - because I live with them and know them inside out by now most likely. When I'm with the girls in our college I feel a bit self-conscious (not because I'm the jealous type, just because I generally want to make a good impression so we can be friends).

Sorry that this thread is overly long. Help appreciated. Thanks.

Little Acorn

You don't have to wear a dress with high heels or skinny jeans with high heels to be dressed up.

If you are worried that your dress is going to "fly up" you could choose a different type length or style of dress and wear it with some dressy style flat shoes. There are many different styles of dresses and skirts and some might surprise you by being much more comfortable than others.

I know bodycon type dresses are in fashion but there's lots more to choose from. example: skater dresses, and wrap dresses. (You can get skater dresses with either high or low cut top half, whichever you are most comfortable with)

You also don't have to wear heels with your skinny jeans/jeggings etc.
You could wear boots or flats.

I know some people who hate heels are able to walk in wedges or very chunky heels that give good balance, you could try these or you could just look out for some 'dressier' styles of flat pumps and boots. -
Some come with diamontes,or studs, or buckles, or are glittery, or have nice bright colours or you could get some really nice leather flat or wedge boots. I think flats could look just as nice as heels if paired with the right outfit.

(you probably know most of this fashion stuff already so I don't mean to go on, but just throwing some ideas out there :-) )

To distinguish from your daytime look, you could try completely new hairstyles/updo or maybe curls,
stronger or just different makeup,
fancy nails,
some great stand out accessories like a nice big bracelet, or necklace or handbag, or large ring
an interesting belt, or very dressy coat
a different perfume that is more suited to night-time etc.

You could also wear tights with skirts or dresses if they made you more comfortable. Tights come in so many funky colours designs/patterns and colours now.

I don't think you are lacking in confidence just because you are uncomfortable in heels and some dresses.
Wear what you are comfortable in and what makes you happy , and if just tweaking a few little bits to make an outfit seem dressier for nightime makes you happier too then go for it and don't be worrying about other people being in dresses and heels.You don't have to be the same, just be you.

I'll head off to bed - which is a dampener, because I'm not in any way against nightclubs. I may not be mad about chart music but I like dancing and that.

The flats should make it easier to dance and have more fun!
Good Luck.

fits

Suit yourself OP!

Btw if you start going to gigs and maybe gather a group of friends around that you wont have to get dressed up so much, and you get to dance to decent music. I was in same position as you in college and hated college nightclubs but in my twenties I went to gigs and proper clubnights and it was way better.

m-a-i-

I've been where you've been OP and on a bad day I still am but finding a group that suits you and encourages you to be you!
I was in my mid 20's before I actually starting feeling like myself and really getting on with the "this is me" attitude.
I'm not into the drinking scene too much and although I do enjoy a night out I'm much happier playing board games with a small group and just chatting and reading. So that's what I did. I find a group in the gamers convention scene that I love to pieces and it really helps me get by.
Don't change unless you want to. If you are comfortable in yourself then why change?
Own it

MissFlitworth

I can't do heels. Admire them from a distance but I'm clumsy with dodgy knees so I can't walk in them, can't stand the feeling of them on my feet, look drunk when I try and on the couple of occasions I've worn a pair I have hurt myself. So I just never ever wear them. Not little heels, not 'they've got a platform so they're more comfortable' heels, not wedges, no heels at all. I wear a lot of jeans & flats/converse and dresses with boots going out and I look dressed up without being in pain or uncomfortable.

Just wear what you want to wear going out, you might feel a little underdressed the first few times but you're going to get to a place where you just feel gorgeous because you're dressed the way you like yourself (and you may also find that some of the girls you go out with get a little more casual when they see someone else in the group is doing it)

ladygirl

OP - regardless of what the masses are wearing - i am always of the opinion that everyone looks much better in what they are Comfortable in.

I am unable to comprehend why girls wear dresses so short that they have to be pulling them down all night - or heels so high that they are in physical pain trying to walk in them.

I wear dresses but only ones I feel comfortable in regardless of what my friends are wearing. I also like wearing skinny jeans and blouses/tops on nights out. If you feel better in flats - wear flats!! Or as another poster said - nice boots or wedges are very comfortable and stylish also..

Also the older you get - the less you will care or anyone will notice!!
But don't let it put a downer on your night just because you don't want to look like everyone else on a night out.

Go out and wear what YOU want to wear and enjoy yourself and dance your socks off

username123

MissFlitworth wrote: »

I can't do heels. Admire them from a distance but I'm clumsy with dodgy knees so I can't walk in them, can't stand the feeling of them on my feet, look drunk when I try and on the couple of occasions I've worn a pair I have hurt myself. So I just never ever wear them. Not little heels, not 'they've got a platform so they're more comfortable' heels, not wedges, no heels at all.

^^This

Cant do heels. A couple of knee surgeries, various foot injuries, just doesnt happen for me. No way am I going to enjoy a night out in pain so I stick to flats. Dont really wear dresses either.

The only area of life where I feel it impacts me AT ALL is wearing a dress for a wedding. Summer wedding is fine, you can get dressy flat sandals. Winter weddings more difficult but I have hoarded a particular pair of very very low heel court shoes that I can just about manage the church and start of hotel bit in for the past donkeys years!!

It just to drive me bananas but now I just accept that I cant do heels. Im not skinny either so Id prefer a heel to elongate me a bit - but it doesnt happen!!

Im a big fan of biker boot styles and my idea of dressed up is usually skinny jeans, fancy top, chunky boots.

Btw - wedges dont help me at all!

Neyite

I actually hate the "clubbing clobber" type of style that I think you are referring to OP. I think it tries too hard, and I see too many girls yanking skirts down and fiddling with straps and necklines, and tottering around on killer heels they actually look uncomfortable to me. And as for dancing in those heels? pffft.

My standard clubbing outfit was a fitted t-shirt, jeans and biker boots with a bit of a heel. I don't really do fake tan or nails, and makeup is a slightly smokier version of my daytime one. I felt girlie enough. And I got plenty of attention from the opposite sex. But a lot of that I think was the fact I was comfortable in what I was wearing for the night, and could enjoy myself. I do wear heels, but only ones I can walk in. Pointless otherwise.

Not all guys like the dolled-up girl with the tan in the lipsy dress. Some like the tomboy type. And if you have a nice figure, sometimes jeans show it off far better than a dress ever would.

Holsten

I've had girlfriends on the two complete opposite ends; dolled up to the nines, loves going out to completely dresses down and hates the social scene, it doesn't really matter.

Whatever YOU feel comfortable in matters, be it heels, flats, mini skirt or a pair of dungarees.

fillefatale

Neyite wrote: »

I actually hate the "clubbing clobber" type of style that I think you are referring to OP. I think it tries too hard, and I see too many girls yanking skirts down and fiddling with straps and necklines, and tottering around on killer heels they actually look uncomfortable to me. And as for dancing in those heels? pffft.

Not all guys like the dolled-up girl with the tan in the lipsy dress. Some like the tomboy type. And if you have a nice figure, sometimes jeans show it off far better than a dress ever would.

I agree! Don't follow the crowd, I didn't wear heels and lipsy dresses going out in college and I got complimented for putting my own type of effort in! Plus I had time to relax before heading out while the other girls were putting their fake tan on and blow drying their hair - sure we all ended up looking pretty worn out at the end of the night anyway! Its about finding a style you're comfortable with, and don't feel pressured to do the heels thing, I did it for a while and just wasn't feeling it. When I do wear heels its a pair of shoe boots I got on sale in BT2 years ago with a chunky, comfortable rubber heel and I always get complimented on them!

ams

Hi OP.

I used to be like you until I went clubbing in Berlin and noticed all the girls there were dressed so casually that you would have stuck out like a sore thumb if you were wearing crazy heels etc. Going to festivals etc. in Europe has really influenced the way I dress and have no problem now heading out for the night in a pair of trainers if it means I can stay dancing all night with no foot pain!

I think getting a bit older helps you to be more comfortable in yourself. Your style sounds great to me.

I would advise reading the "scandi" style fashion blogs where a more casual pared back style is the way to go. Two of my favourites are:
http://passionsforfashion.dk/ and
http://lovelybylucy.com/

Whatever you do don't change yourself just to blend in!

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks guys for the replies, they made my day! Sorry I can't reply to all of them individually, I appreciate all the advice given though. It's good to hear there's others like me.

Yeah, feck it, I'll wear what I'm comfortable in - life's too short. I will take the boots into account though, it strangely never crossed my mind to try them.

Mysteriouschic

I'm a little similar to you I feel more comfortable in jeans and I'm not a massive fan of wearing heels either , I own heels but I stopped wearing them as you can't walk in them by the end of the night. Instead I find biker boots are easier to wear I'm not extremely girly . Although I don't mind wearing dresses I just go used to them possibly wearing tights might help you feel comfortable in a dress you don't need to change an wear a just just because everyone else is. You can still be dressed up wearing trousers/jeans.
Just wear whatever you are comfortable wearing. I'm not sure what sort of style you have but you mentioned leather jackets maybe this is the kind of style you like http://www.pinterest.com/queenbeedizzle/biker-chic-fashion/ or could possibly give you inspiration if you're stuck for outfits or need some ideas.

meeeeh

There is nothing sadder than a girl who tries so hard to be dolled up: too much make up, orange fake tan, plastic shoes they can't walk in and so often badly fitting dresses. There is nothing wrong being dressed more casually, as long as it is presentable and it fits you well. I don't think you need to change how you look, I think you just need to be more comfortable with your own style.

Someone once said to me, it doesn't matter what you wear, it's how you wear it.

December2012

ams wrote: »

Hi OP.

I used to be like you until I went clubbing in Berlin and noticed all the girls there were dressed so casually that you would have stuck out like a sore thumb if you were wearing crazy heels etc. Going to festivals etc. in Europe has really influenced the way I dress

I was just thinking that the OP has a very cool Amsterdam type style. Go out there and it's not the skimpy clothes that you see here at all!

You sound like you really know your style OP - and that's great. I love the sound of your daytime look and wish I could do the same.

Please don't feel bad about your fashion - you clearly have fashion sense so go out in your jeans and enjoy yourself. Maybe change your eye make up or lips to something more statement-y if you want to differentiate.

Tramps Like Us

OP I don't know how women do it at all.

I mean the amount of them who wear heels and then have a pair of flats in their bag which they immediately change into when they get to the club - why not just wear them in the first place?

Just dress in a way which you feel comfortable. My ex gf didn't "dress up" she would usually just wear jeans and whatever, and only used a minimum of makeup, no fake tan either. I never found her unattractive or less feminine. However she would sometimes get the comments like you get "are you dressing up", this used to piss me off because I felt that a lot of these comments were not genuine and were just snide put downs from other women.

Just dress how you want and feel comfortable. Life is too short to care what others think about things like this - stuff which has ZERO impact on them.