A very bad situation. Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

LegacyUser

Ok, so I don't really know where to start. I failed my first year of college last year and my grandparents paid for me to repeat this year. I passed most of the first semester so I'm not really back full time until January. As of now, I sit at home and do literally nothing. I sleep, then I wake up, then I might go online for a bit, then I sleep, sometimes I make dinner for everyone, sometimes I just sleep right through dinner. I have had mental issues in the past but since becoming a bit of a recluse, things seemed to have subsided in that department (less anxiety, paranoia, depression, freaks outs, binge drinking, etc.)
The thing is, I'm 20 years old, have never had a job, and when I try to pull things together in my head, I get too overwhelmed and just zone out and go asleep. I live with my mum and older sibling and they don't push me to get out of the house or anything so I just kind of sit here and vegetate. I recently took and overdose, but I don't know if I actually wanted to die or not. I just couldn't deal with something that was going through my head (something that happened a few months ago) and sitting at home doing nothing just made me snap. If I knew I was just looking for attention, I would rather admit that to myself, but to be honest I don't really know if I was or not. I just did it. Things have only gotten worse since because now everyone is afraid to upset me. The guilt is tearing me apart for doing that to my parents but again, whenever I start to think about it, I just zone out or else I won't feel anything, or distract myself with dumb stuff online.
As far as money issues are concerned, I don't really go out anymore so I literally have no income/outcome. My grandparents won't let me pay the money back to them for the repeat year (which I don't have anyway) so I guess I don't have to worry about it, but I just feel helpless taking money off them. I feel helpless in every respect because I just can't seem to pull it together. I know this sounds horrible, but I'm even considering prostitution (not in a brothel, just once off's) just to have some kinda of income to pay for my bus tickets/basics really. You'd be surprised how many students do that (or so I've heard), but I don't really know if I could do it or not.
Anyway, any advice would be of help. I know I sound pathetic, helpless, desperate and just really an all-round **** person, but trust me, I feel it too.

thegreatgonzo

You need to speak to a doctor about your depression. Whether or not your overdose was for attention, the fact you would harm your body in such a way is extremely worrying. I would get down to your local clinic tomorrow and ask to speak to someone immediately. All the other stuff, college, money worries can be dealt with one at a time but start with the doctor.

jamesdiver

This is sound advise. You can also take advantage of the free counselling service at college. Most uni's have a great service for which you are paying through your fees so make them work for it

Getting busy and stuck into semester 2 will be a great help. Find a society or club that you like the sound of, try something completely new you would never have considered before.

Ask your family and friends to keep an eye out for part time work. You will be surprised how people can find a few hours here or there to help a friend in need. Otherwise there are plenty of charities needing volunteers.

You will c

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

You need to speak to a doctor about your depression. Whether or not your overdose was for attention, the fact you would harm your body in such a way is extremely worrying. I would get down to your local clinic tomorrow and ask to speak to someone immediately. All the other stuff, college, money worries can be dealt with one at a time but start with the doctor.

certifiedcrepe

You and I are quite similar OP. I'm also repeating first year after bombing semester 2. I'm also not sure if I passed this semester so I could be potentially droppng out, but I'm not here to hijack your thread

I feel the same in some aspects- my life is mundane and it's always the same things. Where are your friends? Would you be able to see them more often to get you out of the house? Some company can be great but make sure to not lay all of your problems on your friends because negativity can drive them away (personal experience).

Also, you say you've never had a job, would you try volunteering? I know a few people that have volunteered and they say it brings more happiness and structure to their lives, as well as being something new and exciting to do.

I'm sorry to hear that times have been hard and I truly hope you start feeling better soon. xx

Merkin

DesperatePerson wrote: »

I recently took and overdose, but I don't know if I actually wanted to die or not. I just couldn't deal with something that was going through my head (something that happened a few months ago) and sitting at home doing nothing just made me snap.

What happened a few months ago hon? Do you think you could tell us about it?

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

December2012

Please go and talk to a dr. You can get help starting there.

simone000

My heart goes out to you ı am 34 now and have always had alot of hard tımes and at ur age ı dıd what u dıd and took an overdose because ı wanted ıtall to go away and not have to feel sad r worrıed but ı got myself to my doctor and ı swear to god help ıs there they wıll put u ın touch wıth people to help u sort out ur worrıes please dont struggle alone so many people dont go ask for help and get severly down please go to ur doctor ul c that thıngs can be sorted ur just ın a rut so ask for help ı dıd and ım so glad ı dıd ı am sendıng u a hug :-)

gomamochi1

Yo lots of sound advice and identification here! Went through the same as you in the past and accessed college counselling which was deadly help.
Lots of community mental health team out there now where you can drop in! Cfeck it out through your Gp or online! College seems like a distant memory to me now and u would not believe the life I have had with a career now and young family etc! A life beyond what I thought was available to me when I was your age! Keep the head up and keep trucking!

Taltos

Can I remind posters that text speak is not welcome here. If users persist in posting in this manner as well as causing our eyes to bleed they will lose posting rights.

simone000 - please have a read of our charter before posting again, this forum is strictly moderated due to the nature of the issues here.

Thanks
Taltos

Wednesday Addams

Hi OP.

Firstly, you are only 20 years old. And I don't mean that in a patronising way; what I mean is that you are barely out of your teens and it's not at all shameful to need a bit of support in finding your way in life. To lead on from that, you do have your whole life ahead of you - this is just the beginning, and I know things are bad now but I also know that you have within you the strength and determination to get through it. There must be things that you used to enjoy doing? Things you feel you're good at? I know depression steals that enjoyment from you, but sometimes if you just start 'doing', you can find that enjoyment again. I've found that pushing yourself even just a little bit can make you feel all the better just for trying, even if nothing else changes apart from how you feel about yourself; to be honest, sometimes that's the most important thing to change.

I'm sorry to hear that something happened recently that's been stuck in your head, I know all too well how difficult it is to deal with things that just won't go away and leave you be. Counselling would really be the way forward in dealing with this, and with your previous mental health issues which by the sounds of it are still there beneath the surface.

Prostitution is not the answer, it will make things a million times worse and I think you realise that. It's just another form of self sabotaging and it's not the way forward. Don't go there.

You can do this. You can. You're not helpless and you're certainly not pathetic. You're trying and that's so commendable for someone in so much pain.

thedeadp0et

I was in precisely the exact situation at your age now that I recall. It took focusing on myself, CBT and general therapy as regards my anxiety. Throw a PM my way should you ever want to talk - I can throw you back some recommendations. No one should be in that situationn at your age; no-one.

Magicmatilda

Hi,

I really felt compelled to reply. As someone who has experienced depression I can identify a lot with what you are saying. My advice is firstly don't worry about the money for your grandparents, maybe in a few years you will be in a position to help them either financially or some other way. For now don't worry, allow then the opportunity to have helped you. It probably makes them feel good.

Secondly try and arrange some counselling, your college should be able to help. Also go and talk to your GP. This is much more common than you think and your GP can help.

Then I would suggest setting some achievable goals for yourself. Set a goal, for example, to go out for a 20 minute walk tomorrow. This is free and can be done. You may be anxious about going out but if you can do that, the fact of achieving the goal will help. Excercise releases hormones which improve your mood, so exercise based goals are a good idea.

Have you many friends, maybe a goal to call or text a friend would be easy to achieve and will help you. It's easy to isolate when we feel down but it is not good for us.

I am also a big fan of journaling and writing about my feelings so you could try that.

As for the prostitution - I would advise against it, it might seem like easy money but it is not. There are other ways of earning, far easier ways.

I wish you all the best. You are worth being minded and cared for. You are worth being looked after, do that for yourself.