Being Blackmailed

cruasder777

I have been with someone for 2 years. She has a split personality one lovely, kind, caring, affectionate. The other possessive, jealous, vindictive, very nasty.

I dont want to be in the relationship anymore, I can no longer cope with her otherside. I am constantly accused of having affairs with women friends on facebook, if I go to the pub for a pint Im accused of going on a date, cheating on her.

When we went on holiday I sent a postcard to a female friend I have known for years, she went mental. If I send a text to someone she accuses me of having an affair behind her back.

She has a set of house keys she has taken and wont give back, she has also taken my diary and wont give it back and other stuff which she wont say what it is.

She has information on my finanical affairs, she has gone through stuff when I was out and is saying she is going to get the tax people to launch an investigation into my tax affairs and finances, she is a former revenue investigator.

Im feeling really pissed off. I swear to God I have done nothing wrong to this woman, I simply dont want to be with her.

fiload

Get Get your tax affairs in order voluntarily first, or else if you're caught you will get massive penalties.
Then get rid of her

maria34

fiload wrote: »

Get Get your tax affairs in order voluntarily first, or else if you're caught you will get massive penalties.
Then get rid of her

I suggest the same. Get your tax sorted. Change your locks. Be nice to her and once its sorted tell her where to go. Shes a serious nutcase.

cruasder777

fiload wrote: »

Get Get your tax affairs in order voluntarily first, or else if you're caught you will get massive penalties.
Then get rid of her

Its more complicated then that. Involves company law etc.

She is also highly delusional making accusations then denying she made them.

maria34

cruasder777 wrote: »

Its more complicated then that.

She is also highly delusional making accusations then denying she made them.

So what? U dont need excuse to dump her! Shes stalking u big time.

cruasder777

maria34 wrote: »

So what? U dont need excuse to dump her! Shes stalking u big time.

She could potentially cause me massive issues.

maria34

cruasder777 wrote: »

She could potentially cause me massive issues.

She is the massive issue herself tho!!!

cruasder777

maria34 wrote: »

She is the massive issue herself tho!!!

Im trying to play it low key by saying I just want to be left alone, "you have really upset me", blah, blal, blah, tonight she even threatened to call my son and tell him about the intimate stuff in our relationship.

maria34

cruasder777 wrote: »

Im trying to play it low key by saying I just want to be left alone, "you have really upset me", blah, blal, blah, tonight she even threatened to call my son and tell him about the intimate stuff in our relationship.

How she can call your son? Is he an adult? If she is a child tell her mum that your crazy gf is on the mission and to not take the phone.

cruasder777

maria34 wrote: »

How she can call your son? Is he an adult? If she is a child tell her mum that your crazy gf is on the mission and to not take the phone.

My son is 23, she has his number.

She is threatening to tell him personal details about me.

m'lady

What a horrible person, can only imagine how you are feeling, that's disgusting what she is doing. Without going into the specifics of it, can you not get your tax affairs in order or even set the wheels in motion? In relation to the set of keys she's stolen from you, I'm assuming they are from your house?, if so change the locks straightaway.

She really sounds like a nasty piece of work and to be brutally honest I'd rather face up to the issues that she's blackmailing you with rather than be put over a barrel by this psycho..

In regards to your son, ask him to block this parasite, you don't need to tell him the full details, he's an adult, and should trust you when you ask him to block her..

Lux23

Have you thought about the police or even getting a solicitor to write a cease and desist letter?

maria34

Your son is an adult and will problably laugh if she rings him. So what she tells him, her loss.
Think you are so afraid of her so you would stay in this relationship just to keep her quiet. But she wont. She will get worse.
Once you get strong she realises that she has no power and cant do nothing. At the moment she has the power and feels great.

By the way shes a nasty piece of work, you are so worth so much better!

cruasder777

Lux23 wrote: »

Have you thought about the police or even getting a solicitor to write a cease and desist letter?

Yes I would, but she holds documents which she has taken could harm me.

m'lady

Lux23 wrote: »

Have you thought about the police or even getting a solicitor to write a cease and desist letter?

Was about to suggest the guards myself.. But I guess the op is afraid of what trouble he may get into over the tax affairs she is blackmailing him over.. Out of curiosity what's a 'cease and desist' letter?

Lux23

cruasder777 wrote: »

Yes I would, but she holds documents which she has taken could harm me.

That's a crime in itself? But to be honest if you have done something that is illegal then it's either put up with this mad woman's threats or admit to the cops that you did something that isn't entirely legal but that this woman is blackmailing you.

I don't see what else you can do.

Lux23

m'lady wrote: »

Was about to suggest the guards myself.. But I guess the op is afraid of what trouble he may get into over the tax affairs she is blackmailing him over.. Out of curiosity what's a 'cease and desist' letter?

http://thompsonhall.com/cease-desist-letter-template-example-sample-forms/

blatantrereg

cruasder777 wrote: »

She could potentially cause me massive issues.

She already is causing you massive issues.
You might be surprised at how little anyone will listen to her. Crazy vindictive people tend to come across as crazy vindictive people when they are gunning for someone.

Lux23

It would be best to make the first move, just go to your local Garda station and say you want to make a complaint about someone who is harassing you. You never know she might back down after a quick chat with a Guard.

The really stupid thing is though, what does she think she can achieve by doing this? It's not lim you will magically fall in love with her again.

LegacyUser

OP, if you have broken the Law, or done anything illegal, you have to face up to it.

Secondly, you need to document what is happening and get this piece of work (woman) out of your life. Record some of her tirades and keep as evidence.

LegacyUser

Yeah, I'd go to the guards and ask them to have a word with someone who's harassing you.

In my experience, a guard coming to your home and warning someone to "stop all this now before ye get in trouble" can scare the life out of someone.

Also, and no disrespect to the guards, but they're not gonna touch a complicated tax issue. So even if she shoots her mouth off, I'd say they won't be overly interested. Particularly if you tell them beforehand that you're a bit mixed up tax-wise & are in touch with Revenue to sort it out (even if you're not). They'll give you the benefit of the doubt - tax is messy.

I'm guessing you do not live together? And she has your stuff in her home and thats why you can't search for it? Thats theft. The guards might be interested in that, alright. They could well get her to hand it all over if they visit her at home.

First thing to do though is change the locks.

You may also have to warn your son that she's gone a bit doolally and may be harassing him "giving out" about you (no need to tell him what she's planning on saying). Ask him if he can block her mobile & landline with his provider. He'll be worried about you, of course, but you can reassure him. Better that than she actually starts harassing him. She could start ringing him all hours. She needs to be blocked at his end.

The Corinthian

cruasder777 wrote: »

Yes I would, but she holds documents which she has taken could harm me.

Things are not so bad, because you are still in a position whereby nothing has yet happened and you can prepare. The situation between you two may also be appalling, but it's still relatively stable, which means she's unlikely to act until you do by leaving her.

In chess, there's a tactic known as a discovered attack. In short, the attacking player sets everything up quietly in the background, and their preparatory moves go unseen, until in one move the trap is sprung and because of that preparation their opponent cannot do anything to counter it.

Go somewhere relatively quiet, like an empty pub or hotel lounge, with a pen and paper. Then begin to list out all of the things that she could do, from nuisances (such as contacting your son) through to things that will cause you legal issues. Then list out what you can set up in advance to neutralize or limit damage for each of those things. Do keep that list safe where she can't find it though.

For example; see a solicitor and/or accountant and discuss your options regarding the potential legal and tax issues you may face. As has been discussed pre-emptively coming forward may go a long way. Try and imagine you did end up with the ire of the revenue or even in court - what can you do now before the s**t hits the fan that will aid you later there? This is something that those caught without warning often see as the benefit of hindsight, only you - unlike them - have the opportunity to take advantage of it before it's too late to do so.

For nuisance issues, speaking with your son just before you act will likely neutralize the problem. If warned, not only will he be prepared for her carry on, but if your warning is merited, it'll further turn him against her. The predictability of crazy people is often their greatest weakness, after all.

Another point is whether you have children with this woman or not. If you do and have passed the two year mark, the Cohabitation Act means that she will have a claim twoards your assets and for maintenance. If not, then you should be OK as she would have to cohabitation with you for five years.

On a side note, if you are still having sex with her, do not leave her in charge of the contraception. I presume I don't need to explain why.

Then plan the practicalities of your departure; everything from having enough suitcases to pack your clothes present, to having an alternative place to stay, to changing locks and so on.

Once you've everything covered, as best as you can, then you can begin to put things into motion (warn your son, declare unpaid tax, etc.) and shortly after make that single move that defines the discovered attack.

cruasder777

Thankyou for all your replies.

The crazy part of this for me is the fact this woman can go from being the kindest, gentle, caring girlfriend to a crazed maniac in hours, with no drink in drugs involved. I saw her 2 weeks ago, we had a lovely day together, before I left her place she gave me a massage and baked me a cake ! She begged me not to leave, but I told her I had a very early start the next day.

I called her when I got home, the next day I got texts saying I was ignoring her and that I never loved her and I was, "up to something". Completely crazy.

She is also the most manipulative person I have ever met, and thats going some, she even has the ability to do something wrong and when you bring it up turn the tables and make out it was you that did wrong, very convincingly.



She had a problem with me having an contact with any female, yet was still in contact with her ex. We once had an argument when away at my favourite hotel for the weekend, I told her I was going home and she could come if she wanted, she said no, I said I will come back in the morning for you. The next day I got weird looks from the hotel staff, after I left she had called the Garda, they arrived and told her no offence had been committed.

I arrived in the hotel room and she was on the phone to her ex telling him all about it, she told me she called the cops cause she was having a panic attack cause she throught I was not coming back for her. I had not even raised my voice to her, thats not my way. On the way out, the manageress of the hotel called me over and told me I was banned from the hotel, which was my favourite, I told her I not done anything wrong, God knows what had been said to her.

She once told me a previous boyfriend threatened to shoot her.God knows what she done to him.

I am very disappointed the way things have turned out, I should have not gone back to her when I split with her 6 months ago.

Two days after we split she phoned me saying she had chest pains and could not breath, what should she do ? I told her get an ambulance, she called me from the hospital and said they were doing tests and was really scared, I drove 2 hours to the hospital, there was nothing wrong with her.

I have loads of work on up until Christmas but the stress of this has given me a chest infection.


In the last year I "lent" her 1k for a deposit on a car, she promised to pay me back and never did.

I took her to Spain and Portugal, we also went on a cruise to Norway(she paid her own fare on that trip), after 4 days she had spent all her money, once again I lent her money I never got back, she has a spending problem, she cannot manage money.

Anyhow its turned into a bit of a dog fight, she has a big insurance claim from a car crash going through, she has exaggerated her injuries, I have told her if she does anything to me, I will sabotage the claim.

Its the only language she understands.


I always wondered what it was like to go out with a maniac, now I know.

Penny Tration

If I'm being brutally honest - you've loaned her a lot of money, you've brought her on a few holidays, so I'd imagine you can get your backside up and pay the taxes you owe before she reports you.

Cut contact, sort out your legal affairs and if she continues to harass you, go to the police. She's clearly unstable but you're enabling all of it right now.

Floppybits

OP, What have you to fear from the Revenue if you are all paid up and everything is in order? Ok it would be a pain to have the revenue looking at your accounts because of false alligation but let her do it and then you have more proof of just how unstable she is. As for you son, you can just sit him down and tell him the truth about her. you maybe protecting him from her but he deserves to know what is happening to you and what to be prepared for.

If you are clean and have done nothing wrong I dont see what there is to fear, let her make her allegations, the only reason why she is carrying on like this is because you are letting her by not standing up to her. Stand up to her and make her go through with the allegations, then when you come out clean get a barring order and tell her to take a hike.

The Corinthian

cruasder777 wrote: »

Anyhow its turned into a bit of a dog fight, she has a big insurance claim from a car crash going through, she has exaggerated her injuries, I have told her if she does anything to me, I will sabotage the claim.

Don't. From your description of her, she's not the full shilling and would be the type who'll do self destructive things simply because she cannot control her emotions. As such, such a threat won't act as a deterrent and the only thing you may achieve with it is an escalation.

Focus on what your goals are, not pointless tit-for-tat.

chefwes

Okay firstly you need to log everything that's happened , secondly you need to sit down with your son and explain your situation he will understand and do what he can to help. Thirdly you go and speak to your solicitor and accountant and see where you stand with the tax and finance breaches. Then bring your solicitor to speak to a member of the guards with you and get advice from them, you don't havta disclose your business issues to them and to be honest a lot of guards will sympathise with your situation , you havta remember tax and finance issues aside YOU have done nothing wrong to this bunny boiler and she needs to be stopped. If she is in line to get a big payout and you could jeopardise that she may be inclined to walk away if given the facts . Alternatively hire somebody to dig a little deeper into her past you could be suprises what skeletons you could dig up about her

cruasder777

Happy Endings...

I realised I had some very dodgy pics of her on my phone, which I had forgotten about, (a great form of security in any "modern" relationship).

I pointed this out to her(and the possibilities), suddenly her threats have now gone quiet.

Theres an old saying, if you wrestle with a pig its going to get dirty.

The Corinthian

How is this a happy ending?

You're still in the relationship, despite you stating from the onset that you don't want to be. She may have gone quiet when you told her, but that is likely only a temporary respite, while she considers her position. You think she'll stay quiet when you announce you're leaving her?

And when she does consider it all, she'll probably find out that your possession of such photos is pretty dodgy legally, I've known of police paying visits to estranged partners/husbands who have been accused of possessing such photos (not in Ireland, admittedly), for example. Even if you're not doing anything illegal, you've just weakened any case you may have against her for blackmail, by blackmailing her yourself!

As I said, focus on what your goals are, and cover your ass rather than sticking it out further in the wind. If you don't approach this with cold blood, it's all just going to become a car crash, with you in the driving seat.

Penny Tration

Do you not think you should have sorted it like an adult, by getting your tax affairs in order, rather than resort to childish, petty and frankly vile antics like you've done?

OP, I'd take a long, hard look at yourself. She's threatening to out you to Revenue, which you can fix by paying what you owe. what you're threatening could destroy her life both personally and professionally if anyone she knows were to see those photos. Aside from that, I'd question the legality of it.

She sent you those pictures because she trusted you. Honestly, you sound just as bad, if not worse than her.

heretochat

green_screen wrote: »

Do you not think you should have sorted it like an adult, by getting your tax affairs in order, rather than resort to childish, petty and frankly vile antics like you've done?

OP, I'd take a long, hard look at yourself. She's threatening to out you to Revenue, which you can fix by paying what you owe. what you're threatening could destroy her life both personally and professionally if anyone she knows were to see those photos. Aside from that, I'd question the legality of it.

She sent you those pictures because she trusted you. Honestly, you sound just as bad, if not worse than her.

Agree 100% with this. You have just lost the moral high ground (to the extent that you ever had it)...

Delete those pictures and have a bit more self respect is what I would advise.

And as green screen says, pay what you owe to the tax man...

maria34

green_screen wrote: »

Do you not think you should have sorted it like an adult, by getting your tax affairs in order, rather than resort to childish, petty and frankly vile antics like you've done?

OP, I'd take a long, hard look at yourself. She's threatening to out you to Revenue, which you can fix by paying what you owe. what you're threatening could destroy her life both personally and professionally if anyone she knows were to see those photos. Aside from that, I'd question the legality of it.

She sent you those pictures because she trusted you. Honestly, you sound just as bad, if not worse than her.

I dont think he does something wrong as long as he doesnt reveal these pics. Just thhreatening is ok with that kind of lunatic who went and stole from his house. He trusted her too. And whats worse she thinks he has to be in a relationship with her?

But i agree with the advise about sorting out your legal stuff.

fungun

green_screen wrote: »

Do you not think you should have sorted it like an adult, by getting your tax affairs in order, rather than resort to childish, petty and frankly vile antics like you've done?

OP, I'd take a long, hard look at yourself. She's threatening to out you to Revenue, which you can fix by paying what you owe. what you're threatening could destroy her life both personally and professionally if anyone she knows were to see those photos. Aside from that, I'd question the legality of it.

She sent you those pictures because she trusted you. Honestly, you sound just as bad, if not worse than her.

he isnt actually going to use them, just as a defence. imo thats ok.

i think the op has made it quite clear its a business tax affair, and not as easy as 'just pay it off'. If the only way to have her stop threatening you is to have something that she knows you could use in return, then so be it.

But dont let things linger - sort yourself out and get her the hell out of your life

Borderfox

Would it be possible to record what she is saying covertly to have something to fall back on?

LegacyUser

Go to Revenue, sort your stuff out. Block her email and phone number. Job done.

You are just engaging in her crazy world with your current actions. Mainly, you need to sort your issues with Revenue.