Advice on child being picked on

Call me Al

My little guy is 6,and is a very good natured kind child. He is in 1st class. He had an incident coming from school a few weeks back where he was hit by a "friend" who refused to apologise until he was made do so by his mother. Apparently it was an accident but my son was very upset. I made a mental note not to allow play dates until I was comfortable with that all was ok with the two for them. Things have happened since that have indicated this will ðefintely not be happening preferably ever.
Fast forward to my Ptm. The first thing my teacher asks us is if all is ok with my son and his friends in school. Suddenly all of this information comes tumbling out. The past week and half, since the incident on the bus, he had seemed very sad and seems to be out of sorts and she feels something has happened with his best friend. Since then my son has been saying he feels sick, that he doesn't want to go to school, and that he wants to stay at home with me. This is completely out of sorts for him. He is normally a good student who loves school and can't wait to see his friends.
I've spoken to his best friends mom and she's been filling me in on some sneaky goings on in the yard at play time. Things like this boy who hit my son picking football teams and putting my son on the team with all the children from the junior class while he himself is with my son's friend on the winning team, that he hates my son, and telling him that his best friend doesn't want to be his friend anymore. All of this is chipping away at him as evidenced by his teacher picking up on his sadness in class.
I'm broken hearted and am trying my best to give him him the tools to stand up to the manipulation of a marginally older child who likes nothing more than upsetting everyone around him.
Has anyone words of advice? How do I guide him through this? I've told him phrases to say to this boy if he starts on him again.
Things like "that is not a nice thing to say, now go away and leave me alone" and "you're not being nice so I don't want to play with you anymore",but he himself has started throwing the bullying word around as that is how he himself feels, and to be fair it is beginning to be how I feel this other child is behaving.
I've spoken with his teacher on this and she says she is working on this in the class dynamic, watching how they are interacting, and that she is watching what is happening in the yard.
Suggestions appreciated.

Mr.Wemmick

write everything down and be very clear - what has happened, what you've been told about the incidents in the playground, how he feels and how it is has been affecting him emotionally/ mentally. Make an appointment with your child's teacher and give her a copy of what you have recorded, ask to see the school's anti-bullying policy, then talk and work together to find set up an effective strategy/solutions (sounds to me whatever the teacher has done so far hasn't worked) And after, very important, as parents often forget to do this, keep in contact with your child's teacher as she will monitor what is going on and can feed back to you..

At home, sorry to say this, I know it is difficult to witness your kids go through theses experiences, but you need to man-up.. how are our kids ever going to deal with unpleasantness, nasty behaviour/treatment if we allow ourselves to go to pieces.. If you don't wear it, your child will learn not to as well..

Things I say to my kids when they have an unpleasant incident occur at school:

-What on earth? Who does x think he/she is?
-I am not surprised you're annoyed/angry/upset!
-They can't behave like that! What did your teacher say?
-What? You didn't tell her, why?
-What are you going to do?
-How are you going to deal with it?

This usually is followed by a good long healthy discussion validating their feelings and sorting through solutions.. One of which might very well be telling so and so to sod off like you're doing now, but the problem is that is your solution and not your child's.

I always respond/looked shocked at my kid for not trying to sort it.. I don't ever get upset on their behalf, as I want to empower not disable them. I let my kids know that a certain type of behaviour is idiotic, foolish and deserves to be rubbished etc. Then I leave it to them to sort along with teacher monitoring the situation. If the situation continues, I surreptitiously keep an eye on it: keep the discussions going, but not too much, and keep in contact with the teacher.

Hope that helps.

Bananatop

It could be just a phase the older lad is going through. Something might be upsetting him too, he could be going through a patch of uncertainty etc and he's taking it out on your son. It's a pity because they used to be friends and all was fine!
I would tell your son to say to this other boy 'I used to love playing with you, but I don't anymore because you're mean to me'. Your son should go out to play with his other friend instead. You could also have a chat with your son about making friends, changing friends, losing friends etc. It will help him to realise that this boy isn't giving him hassle for something he (your son) has done wrong. Kids can definitely be mean, but there's usually something else at the back of it which sparks it all off.

Best of luck, it's not easy sending your child into school when you know something like that is upsetting him

Call me Al

Thank you.
Can I just say I am very much all about empowering my son to handle himself with domineering personalities like this child's. He doesn't know know how upset I am and I am making sure he only sees and hears my encouragement of his good behaviour.
We have had some developments today. The teacher caught something the other child was trying to engineer and pulled the child up on it and questioned the behaviour within earshot of my son.. Despite the fact that the other boy lied to her face, my son was encouraged by this and I explained to him that telling the teacher when this stuff happened would soon nip it in the bud, if he feels he can't manage it immediately himself.
I will see how this progresses but will undoubtedly document and go the formal route if I have no success.
Thanks.