25 and pregnant....

Lola25

Hi everyone,

I am completely new to all of this and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed! I have just found out I am about 6 weeks pregnant. To say that I am shocked is a understatement. I am 25 years old and was looking forward to spending the next 5 years travelling and focusing on my career. I am so upset and emotional that I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend (of 4 years) has really come around to the idea that we are going to have a baby. Whereas I don't feel ready at all :-( I have only mentioned it to one of my best friends and her advice was to go for an abortion. I really don't think I can go through with that.
I understand that I should feel happy and lucky that I can have a baby as I know so many struggle. I just can't seem to get my head around it. I have loads of experience minding kids and I know the amount of work involved in looking after them. I'm terrified!
I would love to hear from somebody who is going through the same emotions as me. Or somebody of a similar age.
Thanks so much girls xxxx

Spear

Moved to somewhere far more suitable than N&F.

Morag

Maybe you could do with talking to someone to sort out how you are feeling.
Crises pregnancy counseling is for anyone who finds themselves pregnant and needs to talk about it.
http://www.positiveoptions.ie/

Age is no limit to traveling, I had my two when I was in my mid 20s and I have decades to go traveling after they are grown up.

Lola25

Thank you for advise Morag, means a lot x

CaraMay

Op I'm not in your age group but have experienced an unexpected pregnancy. I had my baby a LOT older than you and wish I had him much younger. Why? Because I wish I had him in my life for longer. I'm a bit sad that I wasted so many years fluting around as I wish I had my little baby 20 years by now (if that makes sense)

Your life will change but you are better prepared for it than most as you have experience. The plus for you is that you have the energy an older mum may not have. You could have your kids reared by mid 40's and be free as a bird then. That's a nice future to look forward to.

ladygirl

Firstly I want to Congratulate you on your pregnancy

It is totally natural to feel overwhelmed when an unplanned pregnancy arises or even a planned pregnancy for that matter,

I would also suggest you contact www.positiveoptions.ie for advice

All the best
xxx

Big Bag of Chips

I got pregnant with my first baby at 27. He was planned. I was certain of my dates, so I knew I was pregnant long before I ever took a pregnancy test... It was still a shock. It was still overwhelming. And I spent most of the next 9 months thinking "what have we done?!".

You have just found out. Give yourself time to let it sink in. Right up until I left the hospital with my baby, I was terrified. I couldn't believe that we were just going to be handed this baby, patted on the back and sent on our way! But you know what.. millions of couples have managed it, so why should you be any different?! It is nerve wracking. One day, when my son was 5 months old, I as drying & dressing him after his bath, and I realised that that was the first time, after 5 months, that I just 'got on with it' and wasn't nervous about holding him or handling him, or hurting him when I put on his vest etc!!

Every single worry you have, will be the same worry that millions of mothers before you had.. and we all got on ok Take your time to let it sink in, and when the time comes, don't feel like you have to be Superwoman and handle it all. You will get loads of offers of help.... Take them!

Mrs W

I was 26 and just married when I found out I was pregnant, it wasn't planned and I was terrified.
I think I was in such shock about it and did consider that I didn't actually want it but more so because I was already in the situation rather than having a choice before it if that makes sense?

I ended up having a mc at 12 weeks anyway and another one after that before having my little girl 10 months ago. I can honestly say she is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, I can't believe how much I love her and I miss her when she's asleep.

The only advise I can give you is to take some time to yourself and consider it for a while before telling anyone else and having to deal with anyone else's opinions. Only you can make the decision

Do your family know you're pregnant? If not, it might be worth telling them at some point, just because you might need the extra support. Plus it isn't exactly going to be something that you can hide.

While the child is unplanned, you're in a better situation than some others would be - you are pregnant with a very supportive boyfriend who is going to stick with you through this. That is a wonderful thing.

eviltwin

I had my first baby at 19, totally unplanned and a complete shock. All I could focus on was what I would lose rather than what I would gain. I saw my life ending tbh but having her was the best thing I ever did. If I could go back and delay her by a few years I wouldn't. I'm 36 now and I have done everything I wanted to do but later than perhaps I had planned it but its been better in some ways because I've done it with more maturity.

And you know, when I had my second baby at 32, planned for and in a much better position I think I was even more scared!

I think support is crucial, if you have people around you and a good partner who will be happy to babysit it still gives you a life. Its the ending of one chapter but the start of a whole other and yes its scary but its wonderful too.

Please do get some counselling if you are not sure what decision to make though. Good luck xx

December2012

When I had my planned pregnancy confirmed I still felt as terrified as you do right now. The enormity of what's coming is a lot, coupled with the massive hormone surge you're going through right now.

It passes though, as the hormones subside and as you get rest (make sure you're getting rest because your body is expending so much energy right now).

You can still work on your career and travel having children. I mean think about it - you would be sacrificing travelling for your career or your career for travelling anyway. Now you just have another thing in the mix!

emmabrighton

CaraMay wrote: »

Op I'm not in your age group but have experienced an unexpected pregnancy. I had my baby a LOT older than you and wish I had him much younger. Why? Because I wish I had him in my life for longer. I'm a bit sad that I wasted so many years fluting around as I wish I had my little baby 20 years by now (if that makes sense)

Your life will change but you are better prepared for it than most as you have experience. The plus for you is that you have the energy an older mum may not have. You could have your kids reared by mid 40's and be free as a bird then. That's a nice future to look forward to.

This is a lovely sentiment CaraMay and I agree with it totally. I think every expectant mom is anxious of the big changes coming. I know I was. I am so happy I got to have my little boy but at the time I was terrified about how I was going to cope. Having a supportive family was key for me.

But now, having read your message CaraMay, I am wondering if I should forget about planning my next little one and just go ahead and get pregnant. The idea of having x amount of years less with your child because you "waited" never even occurred to me. I will inform my OH when I get home that I am ready for baby number 2 now. Forget about saving...

homerjay2005

Lola25 wrote: »

I have only mentioned it to one of my best friends and her advice was to go for an abortion.

first thing you need to do is get new best friend - this one is not exactly good for you. thats appaling advice to tell anybody.

best of luck - plenty of people have children and go on to have a happy life and successful career. will be hard work for the first few years, but if you get a little bit of help, it does get easier.

Morag

homerjay2005 wrote: »

first thing you need to do is get new best friend - this one is not exactly good for you. thats appaling advice to tell anybody.

I disagree, it's one option which most women would know about.
Everyone who's had an unplanned pregnancy thinks about the option of abortion, even if it's just to rule out having one.

CaraMay

Morag wrote: »

Everyone who's had an unplanned pregnancy thinks about the option of abortion, even if it's just to rule out having one.

Not everyone - I suspect it wouldnt enter a lot of peoples minds.

Emmabrigton, you will have to call baby after me

cletus van damme

i had my son at 25. unplanned and wasn't with his mam that long.

it was hard , we'd sod all money ( jobs but no savings ) so had to save quickly so took a job a bouncer as well as my day job.
was tough.

It'll be different and you and your partner will probably kill each sometimes - cos the dynamic of a relationship changes. It goes from all fun and parties to serious stuff - where instead of being idle and naturally spending time together to having to make time together.

but my son is 11 now and we've had a wonderful life together.
I'm not with his mam anymore but he stays half the time with me and my life is infinitely better for it all

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Lola25 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I am completely new to all of this and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed! I have just found out I am about 6 weeks pregnant. To say that I am shocked is a understatement. I am 25 years old and was looking forward to spending the next 5 years travelling and focusing on my career. I am so upset and emotional that I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend (of 4 years) has really come around to the idea that we are going to have a baby. Whereas I don't feel ready at all :-( I have only mentioned it to one of my best friends and her advice was to go for an abortion. I really don't think I can go through with that.
I understand that I should feel happy and lucky that I can have a baby as I know so many struggle. I just can't seem to get my head around it. I have loads of experience minding kids and I know the amount of work involved in looking after them. I'm terrified!
I would love to hear from somebody who is going through the same emotions as me. Or somebody of a similar age.
Thanks so much girls xxxx

Im 27 and currently 7 months pregnant and although our baby was planned and took quite a while to concieve, I can honestly say that I still spent the first 3-4 months of my pregnancy feeling overwhelmed and terrified and in mourning for all the things that I would never be able to do. I think it's normal to feel these emotions whether the baby is planned or not. I would strongly recommend some counselling, at the time I fell pregnant I was seeing a therapist for an unrelated issue and she was great, she went through all my worries with me, reassuring me that it was perfectly normal to be feeling the way I was.

Just remember that in the very early stages of pregnancy the news still hasn't sunk in and after the fog clears and you can see the situation and options clearly, you might feel totally different. Good luck

Suucee

I had my daughter at 25. She was planned but happened so quick I was totally shocked. OH was more excited than I was when the positive came up on the test. It took a few weeks to sink in and by then I started feeling rotten. Hormones were raging and I was really beginning to think what have I done.
As time went on I came around to the idea more and more and started to get excited. My life was turned upside down when she was born but for the better. She really is my whole world and I cant explain the love I have for her.
I'm now 27 and expecting no 2 .

I disagree with comments about your friend. She was just advising you of your options. My 17 year old niece recently fell pregnant and decided to tell me before her parents and to be honest that was one of the options I mentioned to her too. Her answer was the exact same as yours . We organised an appointment with positive options and she went to see them along with her parents.
She came out feeling a lot better about it so I would recommend them to you just for a chat to clear your head.

You will be fine and as others have said you will have so much more energy for running around and playing games.
Best of luck and congrats.

LegacyUser

Lola25 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I am completely new to all of this and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed! I have just found out I am about 6 weeks pregnant. To say that I am shocked is a understatement. I am 25 years old and was looking forward to spending the next 5 years travelling and focusing on my career. I am so upset and emotional that I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend (of 4 years) has really come around to the idea that we are going to have a baby. Whereas I don't feel ready at all :-( I have only mentioned it to one of my best friends and her advice was to go for an abortion. I really don't think I can go through with that.
I understand that I should feel happy and lucky that I can have a baby as I know so many struggle. I just can't seem to get my head around it. I have loads of experience minding kids and I know the amount of work involved in looking after them. I'm terrified!
I would love to hear from somebody who is going through the same emotions as me. Or somebody of a similar age.
Thanks so much girls xxxx

My friend got pregnant about the same age as you and it was unplanned. She was in the middle of a professional course and thought it was the biggest disaster ever for her career and she said felt like the first person it happened to. Obviously she wasn't! 5 years later she is qualified, working a good job, married, on baby number three and very happy. She said it didn't really affect her study or career.
I know a lot of people who are 30+ and pregnant and still say they don't feel ready to be a parent so I don't think that feeling is related to your age, rather more related to a big lifestyle change. They also are afraid of certain things so again you are totally normal in that regard.

Best of luck op!