Uncle making me feel bad/guilty over my weight/diet.

junction12

Well I am a guy in my mid twenties.
When I would have being in my late teens/very early twenties my diet wouldn't have being the best(I admit) but I was never overweight.
So I just decided to improve my diet.
I went from barely eating any fruit and veg to eat loads of fruit and veg.
I cut back big time on take-away's (Except for the odd one if I was stuck)
I gave up processed/frozen food and I introduced more lean meats/ a lot more fresh fish into my diet.
I cut back on fizzy drinks big time(I do like the odd glass of luzozade) and I nearly gave up all sweets/crisps/junk food except for the odd thing.
I used drink a good bit( this might have being to college tough) now I would only have a few drinks during special occasions.
I make cook/make most of my own meals and my diet is pretty good. I lost a good bit of weight and my bmi is healthy. My upper body is stocky but that just the way my body is built.
I exercise a bit I go on a brisk walk every day, the odd jog/ play tennis/ not big into the gym but I have a treadmill/fitness bike at home.
I would be pretty happy about my weight/body and never feel self concious about it.
I have an uncle and he would often be in contact with my family. He has always being into fitness/diets/exercise and talking about it. He is very skinny. He is constantly monitoring his BMI at the moment it's 19 but it has being lower and he's trying to bring it down. I wouldn't mind him doing this but he is always saying what ever I eat saying it rubbish and he begins to list out the calories in what I'm eating I have asked him to stop. He then says he want to knock the fat off me and get me running 5km every morning. I have told him that I am doing what works for me but he won't accept it. He is always trying out new protein shakes/powders/herbs that he read about on the net. These often change. He then tries to push these on family members and often they don't feel there safe. He just says we're all talking rubbish and their good for you. He has started swimming again the last few weeks and keeps on asking me to go with him. I was never a big swimmer and I nearly drowned in Italy a few years ago. He won't accept this as an excuse, He says I am ashamed of my fat body and he says they are loads of fatties in the poor so I'd blend in. (He does similar stuff to other family members regarding diet/exercise and it'd getting annoying.)
Now the man is skinny and if he's happy with that that's fine. He has had cancer twice in the last six years but has always being into living a health life.
Any advise on what I should do?

LegacyUser

If I were in your shoes I'd be inclined to point out to him that if he's had cancer twice, his 'healthy diet and shakes' obviously didnt work out for him..

I think the easiest way to deal with someone like this is to ask them if they are happy in themselves, and recommend they evaluate why they feel the need to alter and control the fitness/diet of others. I wouldn't even acknowledge his recommendations about your 'poor' diet or 'fat' body, I'd immediately turn it back on him and ask what's missing in his life that he feels the need to pass judgement on yours when you are quite happy in yourself.

Perhaps recommending he talk to someone about why he's preoccupied with the fitness of others would quieten him.

I think if it was turned back on him and his issues once or twice, he'd stop hassling you pretty quickly and maybe think about his actions a little more carefully.

Maybe not the kindest, nicest way of dealing with it, but his words aren't exactly kind or thoughtful either.

boomchicawawa

Ye Gads...your patience with this loon is admirable. Talk about obsessed...I'd just leave the room when he comes in or blank him, but that's me. I'm sure you're giving him leeway because of the Cancer battle, but nobody has a right to slag others off, especially as it seems you have totally improved your eating and drinking habits. He sounds underweight and self obsessed and maybe he needs someone to stand up to him as he comes across as a bully, plain and simple. Don't let him get you down and don't get roped into his crazy schemes, he's a nut job. Keep up the good work:)

Dixie Chick

Ugh, what a headwrecker. He seems rottenly persistent. I think what you need to do is send him, off the bat out of nowhere a text saying that you don't think he is being helpful or respectful to anyone is the way he carries on about weight, food etc. What people do is their own business and to leave them and you alone regarding these issues

Sounds like he has mental issues to be honest

Dixie Chick

Jdnsdbsjsksksk wrote: »

If I were in your shoes I'd be inclined to point out to him that if he's had cancer twice, his 'healthy diet and shakes' obviously didnt work out for him..

I think the easiest way to deal with someone like this is to ask them if they are happy in themselves, and recommend they evaluate why they feel the need to alter and control the fitness/diet of others. I wouldn't even acknowledge his recommendations about your 'poor' diet or 'fat' body, I'd immediately turn it back on him and ask what's missing in his life that he feels the need to pass judgement on yours when you are quite happy in yourself.

Perhaps recommending he talk to someone about why he's preoccupied with the fitness of others would quieten him.

I think if it was turned back on him and his issues once or twice, he'd stop hassling you pretty quickly and maybe think about his actions a little more carefully.

Maybe not the kindest, nicest way of dealing with it, but his words aren't exactly kind or thoughtful either.

Jesus, please don't do that!!

December2012

Next time he does it, stay calm and tell him he is being rude. Tell him he's a bore and his constant rudeness turns you off listening to anything he has to say.

Tell him if he starts to speak with you with manners then you're interested, but otherwise to just stay away from you.

Then just walk away.

thefeatheredcat

Well done on your turning things around for yourself! Stick with it!

Your uncle sounds like he needs some validation re his fitness and stuff. Whatever you do, don't go following his advice about "health" stuff he has read about on the internet without getting solid advice from doctors and other nutritional experts. Not just for the sake of your own health in preventing any damage to it, but there's a lot of cons out there too.

It sounds to me that he has a huge insecurity about weight and health and is overly preoccupied about it. He's pushy about new "health" stuff he discovers, without realising everyone is different anyway, what might work for him might not work for someone else. Sounds like he gets a bit caught up on whatever new item / fad diet thing he has found and I'd be very skeptical about their positive effects. Does he have much going on in his life otherwise? Seems overly focused, is using diet and health to forge connections to others and to look for validation, attention and recognition for his perception of a healthy lifestyle. Sounds also that bit too happy to put you down and your efforts down and rubbishing your efforts and unkind remarks about your weight - that's down to his insecurity and self perception and no reflection on you btw - that I'd actually avoid getting involved in running or swimming with him, it wouldn't be about fitness and health to him, it would be about competing against you rather than being motivation and encouragement for eachother.

I'd be wary of getting drawn in, as this sounds like a person who jumps from fad to fad obsessively and then forces the new thing onto everyone. I'd try giving the validation that he wants in recognising his efforts. But then I would give him that, but not let myself get dragged into a lecture about foods and diets and stuff; I'd up and leave the room at that point. Disengage him completely with anything like that, especially if is unwilling to understand that you're happy doing it your way and he insists on talking your ears off about those things and putting you and your efforts down.