Lack of physical relationship getting me down

LegacyUser

So ive been with my gf for 3 years, in our mid 20's , for 2 of those years we've had little to no sexual contact. some background i cheated on her while on a break 1 year into the relationship we got back together and i came clean, I 100% took responsibility and paid my dues, and i assure you she didnt forgive me easy she gave me a very hard time for a lot of months. which she had a right to do.

During that time she didnt want to have sex with me or have any kind of sexual relationship with me because she felt betrayed, i understood, i never once pressured her or pushed the issue. this carried on for a year maybe again i pretty much never pushed the issue because i felt i wasnt in a position to.

fast forward to present day and were still in the same boat have had sex maybe 10 times in last two years, she does have some issues to do with sex when she was younger, and shes going to a counceller and talking about it which is good.

Im having a hard time dealing with it myself, i feel i have been stripped of my mascilinity to a degree, i feel anxious and unconfident now a lot of the time (which isnt who i am) , i feel crap in a general sence, its the first thing i think about in morn and last thing i think about at night. its extremely hard mentally to be sexually attracted to your gf but never to be able to act on it, to allways have to supress those feelings because it makes her uncomfortable and never have her "want you".

Now she has genuine physiological reasons for not being able to have a sexual relationship with me right now and she assures me it will get better. And i have been extremly understanding but im finding it extremly hard to take right now. when i tell her this she says I dont understand and if i did understand it wouldnt upset me so much! she says she has to put her own feeling first right now to get better.

I do understand BUT i cant help the way it makes me feel!!
I just want a normal relatioship I want my gf to want me, i want passion in our relationship again. I cant go on feeling this way.

Im not really sure why im putting this here im not asking any particular question just need to get some other peoples opinions / get off my chest

Typer Monkey

I think maybe your post hasn't received more responses because there has been loads of similar posts over the last few weeks. Honestly, I'd say every couple of days a post pops up where people are in a sexless relationship/marriage. If you had a look back through a few pages of posts you'd no doubt see them and I'm sure the advice is applicable to you too.

In a nutshell the general consensus of the advice usually given is that a lack of sex is not sustainable in te long term without it leading to serious unhappiness. Essentially you are friends who share a bed and sexual intimacy is a fundamental corner stone to any healthy relationship. Your girlfriend owes it to you to sort out her issues. It's unfair to expect all the trappings of a relationship and expect you to live like a monk.

Anyway, as I say, have a look back through a few pages and there's plenty of reading there to get you thinking

LegacyUser

For a start, OP, you cannot cheat on a person if you were "on a break". The be held accountable for something that didn't happen doesn't bode well for your future.

I'd say get out and move on, this baggage will be with you for ever more with this woman.

Dixie Chick

Hi OP. I agree with the above poster, a long term sexless relationship is not sustainable. People have needs. Her other issues regarding her sexuality are unfortunate, however besides these and also making you pay "you dues" sounds like a lot of withheld sex, also if she is lacking in drive anyway, the cheating gave a perfect excuse for withholding.. Maybe she needs space from the relationship to deal with these issues

castle

If you on a break with girl friend then she your ex girlfriend and then you play with another girl surely this is not cheating?
She can't have her cake and eat it. You paid dues that where not due, and if you have very little physical contact then that must not be a relationship you want to be in and I believe you deserve more