Are you sure its his

yoloc

Very controversil thread and one that ive noticed hasnt been talked about on here.

Let me explain why im making such a thread. You see, i have a close cousin who has been dating a good friend of mine and shes fallen pregnant but im not sure he would be the real father of this baby. My friend is a good decent hard working guy, even works 2 jobs to provide for him, my cousin and her first child. My cousin on the other hand doesnt work apart from tge few homers she does on the side doing girls hair/nails.

Shes very sociable and likes going out a few nigts even if its not for drinking. Ive found out that shes been meeting up with people from online for sex, women and men! i pulled her and shes swore never to do it again. She actuly tried to justify it all by saying she has a very high sex drive, has needs andher boyfriend wouldnt be into sex like her. I told her i didnt give a f*** because its wrong. She swore never to do it again (which i didnt believe) then i find out shes pregnant. Sitting this last while not knowing what to do. Will i get involved in this and tell him or just wait untill i see what the baby looks like and if its hia, say nothing .

This actually happened to another friwnd of mine only he had his oqn suspisions, got a dna test and the child wasnt his. Turns out his girl was sleeping with others when out at tge weekends .

Remember reading up on it at the time my friend found out the child.wasnt his and statisticly theres suppose to be a high rate of fathers raising kids they thinks their own. Remember reading about some guy who caught his wife cheating 12 years inro their marraige witg their long term neigoubour and turned out all his 4 kids werent his. The guy next door was secretly sneaking into his house when the guy was at woek!

They werent actually doing a study in the US, something to do with DNA mapping. They were taking the dna of parents and new borns for a study and had to scrap doing it because it caused so much break ups because a high % was coming back showing tge wife was having affairs.

Im now sitting here not knowing what to do concerning this pregnancy. Do i tell or should i leave it. Dont really want to cause stress for a pregnant women incase she looses tge baby. Just wondering has anyone here know of anyone in this situation, been found out while pregnant and it turned out with not stressing the baby much when tge trurh came out. Id hate for to be tge one to cause a miscarrage, hence why im making thia thread. I hope you understand.

January

Moved from Parenting as I think you will get better advice here. Please note the forum charter before posting.

judgefudge

Could you give her some kind of ultimatum, as in if she doesn't tell him or get a DNA test then you're going to tell him what happened?

It's not easy to put yourself in the middle of someone else's business but he deserves to find out if a child he will be paying for for 18 years is actually his or not.

Taltos

Have closed your other thread OP.

Cheers
Taltos

username123

Do nothing. Other peoples relationships are not your business and you are not the self appointed DNA police. You have no idea what goes on in someone else's relationship or what is allowed or not.

Nor is it your responsibility to monitor and approve fathers supporting children depending on if the children look like them. I suggest you stay out of it altogether and find some other interests because frankly your level of interest in someone else's relationship is disturbing.

Neyite

A child may resemble neither parent, as evidenced by the fair haired child that Gardai removed from a roma family recently. The only way to find out is through DNA. So you waiting to see what the child will look like is open to massive error.

You either can go with family or friend here. If blood is thicker than water here, then you shut up and say nothing. If on the other hand, you dont mind falling out with your cousin, (and possibly your friend if he disbelieves you) you can mention your suspicions and the rumours you have heard to him. Its up to you.

I dont think it would be morally right for a man to be duped into parenthood and bond with a child they believe is theirs only to find out down the line otherwise. The fallout for the man and the child is immense.

MagicMarker

If this guy really is your "good friend" then you should tell him, you should have told him about her cheating on him also.

Anyone who would keep this from their friend is no friend at all.

DeltaWhite

Hey OP

If I was in your shoes I would tell your friend instantly.

I was friends with a guy who had an 8 year old daughter who he doted on and loved with all his heart.

Himself and the Mrs had a MASSIVE falling out one day and she proceeds to tell him the child isnt his....

So he goes to court and battles with her, does a DNA test and what do ya know?? The child was in fact not his... So he spent 8 years bringing her up and had no clue that she wasnt his daughter.

Very cruel stuff and I think you owe it to your friend to at least tell him what herself is like and her "high sex drive"

Just my take on it if I was you!

emmabrighton

DeltaWhite wrote: »

Hey OP

If I was in your shoes I would tell your friend instantly.

I was friends with a guy who had an 8 year old daughter who he doted on and loved with all his heart.

Himself and the Mrs had a MASSIVE falling out one day and she proceeds to tell him the child isnt his....

So he goes to court and battles with her, does a DNA test and what do ya know?? The child was in fact not his... So he spent 8 years bringing her up and had no clue that she wasnt his daughter.

Very cruel stuff and I think you owe it to your friend to at least tell him what herself is like and her "high sex drive"

Just my take on it if I was you!

Not to go jeremy kyle on this but this man raised the child, loved the child with all his heard, taught the child right from wrong, read stories, wiped away their tears...

he was the childs father....

Saying that, if there was an opportunity for a man to avoid getting emotionally attached to this degree before finding out he was not the father then you should give him this opportunity... baby is not even born yet...

LegacyUser

To be honest, if I were that guy I would want to know. tbh, most people would rather not get involved and it is a risky thing to do but if it were me, I would be forever grateful. How you do it though is the key. I would try be subtle about it or maybe drop some sort of hints.

Sleepy

Set up an anonymous email account and send a link to her on-line profile to him with the subject "you need to get a dna test".

If he knows already and theirs is an open relationship (though her actions in the past wouldn't suggest it is) it won't bother him.

If he doesn't, he'll take the advice.

Try use language in the email that wouldn't match that which you'd normally use (e.g. avoid phrases or vernacular that you might use with him regularly) and you have plausible deniability when she inevitably accuses you.