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  • 01-12-2013 8:50pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi all, hoping to get some perspective on my relationship.

    We've been together 2 years and were planning on emigrating next year. I've just moved in to his house. Wed been having some petty arguments before which we both agreed wed be sure they wouldn't happen when we live together.

    how wrong!

    its been 3 weeks now and we are constantly at each others throats. We are both to blame for these. I feel like I have so much boiled up anger towards him. that I now can't help snap at whatever he says. I really do love him and when we aren't fighting we are both so happy together.

    Are these petty fights signalling the end, has anyone been there before? I really don't want to break up but I feel one of us may snap soon.

    would love to hear some opinions

    thanks


Comments

  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,914 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Wed been having some petty arguments before which we both agreed wed be sure they wouldn't happen when we live together.

    That was a bit ambitious, wasn't it!!?!

    All relationships go through patches. I love my husband dearly. I can't imagine ever not being in love with him... but there are times when we drive each other up the wall. And it can go on for weeks! Nothing serious, just generally getting on each others nerves. We even laugh now when things are really good between us that "it's all going to go wrong soon"!!

    A relationship doesn't have to end because one of you "snaps". Sometimes you need to snap, clear the air and then move on. Arguments are inevitable in any relationship. Sometimes full on blazing rows are involved.. but it doesn't mean that you have to break up.

    If you snap at him, and you realise you are being unfair, apologise to him later on. Do you have any interests that get you out of the house any evening? Or do you just sit around annoying each other ;)


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Ah no it's probably just a phase which is heightening due up the 'it must be perfect' pressure of living together.

    Think about the rows - are they really that important?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    You say the fights are petty and I think that's a good sign tbh. If you tend to agree on the really big and important stuff then you're already at an advantage.I've had BLAZERS with Mr.Merkin and am sometimes left wondering what it was we were fighting about again, usually something ridiculous! All couples argue and bicker so I wouldn't worry, it's a normal and healthy part of a relationship.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    OP I'd be more worried if you weren't having arguments tbh. There doesn't seem to be anything malicious being said between you both, and moving in together with the prospect of emigrating soon is bound to be causing you both as much stress as it is excitement.

    You should probably sit down with each other and talk about things when you're both calm and try and sort out how you're both feeling, so you can both work together again towards your common goal.

    Just like the other posters here though and many couples I've met, even my own relationship with Mrs. C, we've had weeks there when things were tense and we'd drive each other up the walls, things would come to a head, and it was either a head melt of a row, or we'd sit down and try and work things out to get back on track.

    If you're still in doubt about where you see the relationship going, it might be best to talk about postponing the move out of the country for a while as neither of you will have the same support system abroad that you have here, and being in a foreign country with only each other for support is bound to be stressful for both of you, so try and work out what you both want before you go rather than hoping it'll all work out when you emigrate.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,734 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    It is hard to say without knowing just how much time you used to spend together, but the problem is hopefully just moving from the 'special time we make to be together' to the 'around each other all the time'.

    I remember after my then GF and now wife first lived together, I started the amount of (from my perspective) absolute sh!te she watched on TV. She started to notice my contentment to watch sports all the time. Before moving in together, we'd usually have rented a DVD, or found something to watch together (or been in the bedroom!), and making more effort to enjoy the limited time.

    As long as they're over trivial things, try not to let them fester and turn from molehills into mountains. When that happens, you end up snapping over something that is utterly unimportant (an improperly washed spoon comes to mind from our past) and blowing things out of proportion.

    You're probably spending much more time together than before - maybe too much right now. Get out for a couple of hours - go for a walk or something, and come home feeling more refreshed.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 941 ✭✭✭Typer Monkey


    I'm going to go slightly against the grain here but myself and Mr Monkey never bicker and we're never at each other's throats. I never feel anger towards him like you describe. I'm not saying we spend every second in each other's company in a haze of loving bliss ;-) but we co-exist without fighting/bickering.

    We have a ten month old and I would hate for her to be witness to constant bickering or growing up in an atmosphere where we were at each other's throats like you describe. What kind of things are you bickering over? What is making you angry with him?


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I'm going to go slightly against the grain here but myself and Mr Monkey never bicker and we're never at each other's throats. I never feel anger towards him like you describe. I'm not saying we spend every second in each other's company in a haze of loving bliss ;-) but we co-exist without fighting/bickering.

    We have a ten month old and I would hate for her to be witness to constant bickering or growing up in an atmosphere where we were at each other's throats like you describe. What kind of things are you bickering over? What is making you angry with him?

    Same here. We dont really bicker, but then we are both quite laid back. Yet my sister and her husband bicker constantly and they seem happy.

    It depends on what you are arguing about, and whether or not its healthy arguing is the key issue. Its grand to argue over a petty issue, but as long as you both are able to see it as petty, move on and put it behind you. Different if you are holding grudges, dragging up past "crimes", shouting or calling each other names, or being more interested in being right than a mutual resolution - that's the stuff that damages relationships.


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