Feeling lost.

LegacyUser

I don't know what I'm wanting from this. A bit of advice I suppose. Here it goes anyway. I'm absolutely lost in my life I'm in my mid twenties with a college degree that I can't get work in. I recently moved away from home with my OH (of 9+ years) to the opposite end of the country. I didn't want to move until I could find some kind of work but my OH insisted it would be ok that I'd get on my feet when I got here. Unfortunately we're here about 3 months now and I haven't been able to find any. I'm surviving on social welfare but by the time the rent and bills are paid I'm left with about €10 to get me through the week. My OH has a great job and is on reasonably good money but he expects half from me. I'm not wanting to be a sponge off him but I'm really struggling and it's really getting me down. When I was working before we moved in together I always seemed to spend more on the things we did together and I was just hoping that maybe he would be able to bear a small bit more of the financials honestly if it was just €10 more a week I'd feel less lost. Also since we moved our relationship has changed considerably. As I'm not working and don't actually have any money to go out and do anything, I haven't met any people from the area. He has work and has met quite a few people which is great for him. But he's very aware of this and throws it in my face a lot of the time. It's like I'm seeing a different side of him that never existed before. If I ask him to put his clothes away after they've been washed and ironed he says I should do it because I'm not doing anything during the day because I don't work. It's just really starting to pile up on me now. My family are very aware that I'm not as happy as I was and they've said that I'm welcome home if I want to come back. I really wish I could but the relationship has been mostly very happy up to this point and I really don't want to lose it over me being immature.

Neyite

You are not the one being immature here. He is.

Just because you are between jobs, does not mean that you should wait on him hand and foot. You are supposed to be job seeking, not washing his smalls.

He wants a stay at home wife experience, then he can give you proper housekeeping money cant he? But no, he expects you to pay 50:50 and after washing and ironing his clothes, thinks that you should put them away too? pfft! He is pushing his luck there.

A real grown up couple support each other. I've been out of work and so has my partner at different times. We allowed for the fact that the person who was on welfare didn't have as much as the other, so assumed a bit more of the costs in our household. We made sure that they were ok for money, and discussed big spends together. When I took unpaid maternity leave I had zero income, so what was his was mine too. And he was fine with that because it was a mutual decision.

I don't have a good feeling about this man, sorry. There are a few alarm bells, namely taunting you for him being able to socialise and you not, moving you far away from your support network (and more importantly, not being your support network when you got there) and the money issue. It smacks of control, and a very unpleasant person. Nobody nice, kind and generous leaves the person they love with only a tenner a week and taunts them.

bouncyball

You poor thing, you sound so lost as you've moved away from everyone you know and you must be so lonely.
if he was insistent that you move with him then he should understand why you haven't gotten work and then pay a bit more towards the house. Surely he must see that you don't know anyone either. Has he invited you along to work nights out or anything? Are there any groups you can join during the day like Jobs clubs or a walking group or something like that? I know it's tough to find things to do especially when you have to worry about money.
He shouldn't be asking you to do everything, not fair on him. Have you had any success at all in finding a position as in an interview or anything? If not then maybe you could just get any job, even part time just to get you out there and you can at least get to know a few people.
I would though sit him down and tell him how you're feeling as maybe he doesn't realise but I would agree with above poster, he's loving having the stay at home person and he's leaving you at home while he has all the fun. He should at least be offering to include you in his social events. Also you say you're 9+ years together. I know you're still in your 20s but any talk of a further commitment from him?