cant get him out of my head!

whynott

hi all id appreciate all opinions on this please.. im recently single, late twenties, met a guy 2 weeks ago on a night out in local bar in galway and we really clicked..
spent the whole night talking, few drinks were had so we went back to my friends house and ended up together for the night, just kissing as i didnt let it get any further, so we swapped numbers and a few texts during the week.
so the following weekend i was out for a friends birthday again and he came over the minute he saw us, again spent all night talking and we went back to a house party and again, same thing happened, he wanted sex but i wouldnt.
we text that morning after and ive heard nothing since.
i cannot get him out of my head and its so unlike me! i cant understand it!
what i do get is that if he felt the same he wouldve text by now wouldnt he?
im not naive and i dont fall for charmers easily but i genuinely thought there was something there.
maybe its cos ive been out of the dating scene for so long iv forgotten how to detect players! either that or he lost interest cos i wouldnt sleep with him? or the obvious one, just not that into me!
anyway, do you think i should just move on and forget about him or chance sending a text?
thanks and sorry i know this is trivial compared to some of the posts here but its driving me mad!!

Czarcasm

whynott wrote: »

anyway, do you think i should just move on and forget about him or chance sending a text?

I would suggest you move on already if you're not willing to contact him just because he hasn't contacted you OP.

its driving me mad!!

It's always easier being the dumper rather than the dumpee, which is probably why this is driving you mad OP - the thought you may just have been played and you're proving not just hard to get, but as far as he may be thinking - quite frankly like too much hard work.

whynott

thanks for the reply, ya i get that he probably wont contact me but im really jnterested to know, why would he think im too much hard work?
thanks

whynott

thanks for the reply, ya i get that he probably wont contact me but im really jnterested to know, why would he think im too much hard work?
thanks

Czarcasm

whynott wrote: »

thanks for the reply, ya i get that he probably wont contact me but im really jnterested to know, why would he think im too much hard work?
thanks

Well, because he tried twice and got nowhere. He's hardly worth keeping in contact with if every time you meet up he's trying to get into your knickers. You're better off forgetting about this one guy when there are plenty of guys are more interested in you as a person rather than just a notch on their bedpost.

IrishEyes19

I think you are looking at it the wrong way. Some people just want a causal no strings attached scenario. It's perfectly fine as long as both people are on the right page regarding it. This guy might have and Im only saying might have realised you weren't up for a no strings attached night and so that was that. It cant be you or thinking you are hard work. How could it? He doesnt know you, you dont know him. Just view it as something that wasnt meant to be.

TwoGallants

Why didn't you have sex with him if you clicked so well and are by your own admission quite compatible with one another? If a girl who I was clearly getting on well with wasn't prepared to have sex, despite all the kissing and bonding etc, I would assume that she was either playing games or was a prude. Both would be major turn offs for me. And most men.

Of course, maybe you have a low libido or didn't want to have sex, but not many men will be bothered finding a new best friend who he gets to kiss sometimes.

Merkin

She didn't have sex with him the second time she met him and you're suggesting she has a low libido? I've heard it all now...

Meauldsegosha

TwoGallants wrote: »

Why didn't you have sex with him if you clicked so well and are by your own admission quite compatible with one another? If a girl who I was clearly getting on well with wasn't prepared to have sex, despite all the kissing and bonding etc, I would assume that she was either playing games or was a prude. Both would be major turn offs for me. And most men.

Of course, maybe you have a low libido or didn't want to have sex, but not many men will be bothered finding a new best friend who he gets to kiss sometimes.

This is probably the most ridiculous post I've read on boards.

OP you have nothing to lose by sending him another text or calling him and suggesting a date rather than meeting in a pub with all your friends around.

Frank Black

TwoGallants wrote: »

Why didn't you have sex with him if you clicked so well and are by your own admission quite compatible with one another? If a girl who I was clearly getting on well with wasn't prepared to have sex, despite all the kissing and bonding etc, I would assume that she was either playing games or was a prude. Both would be major turn offs for me. And most men.

Of course, maybe you have a low libido or didn't want to have sex, but not many men will be bothered finding a new best friend who he gets to kiss sometimes.

Please stop speaking on behalf of us.
Signed
Most men.

You could like, I don't know, send him a text OP?

I mean that's surely less hassle and more likely to get you an answer than coming on a message board asking other people what do we think, when in reality no one has a clue what's in this guys head.

TwoGallants

I never really understood why Irish people undergo this painstaking ritual when it comes to sex. Outside of Ireland it is extremely uncommon for a woman to 'hold out'. Its like this big dance, we need to make a big deal out of it. Sex isn't such a big deal.

Merkin

TwoGallants wrote: »

I never really understood why Irish people undergo this painstaking ritual when it comes to sex. Outside of Ireland it is extremely uncommon for a woman to 'hold out'. Its like this big dance, we need to make a big deal out of it. Sex isn't such a big deal.

Have you actually been outside of Ireland at all? In Catholic countries like Italy, a lot of women hold out until they're actually engaged so I don't know where you got that notion from.

And I wouldn't call not shagging someone on the second date "holding out". When exactly would you expect a girl to do it? At the bar as soon as you meet her? Off to the toilets for a quicky? Behind the wheelie bins?

And in any event, it is a woman's prerogative exactly when she chooses to have sex with someone. If she fancies a guy and wants to have sex with him a few hours after meeting him then that is fine if that is what she wants. Likewise, if she wants to wait months until she is in a committed relationship then that is fine too. To suggest that there is something wrong with women who decide not to have sex too soon for THEIR OWN CHOOSING is naive and extremely immature and would suggest that you know absolutely nothing whatsoever about what goes on between men and women.

Meauldsegosha

TwoGallants wrote: »

I never really understood why Irish people undergo this painstaking ritual when it comes to sex. Outside of Ireland it is extremely uncommon for a woman to 'hold out'. Its like this big dance, we need to make a big deal out of it. Sex isn't such a big deal.

The only person making a big deal out of sex here is you. Please stop with the generalisations, in Ireland or outside of it people do what feels right for them. If you think someone is game playing or a prude for not having sex with you on a first/second date then you could be missing out on a lot.

Atletico56

whynott wrote: »

hi all id appreciate all opinions on this please.. im recently single, late twenties, met a guy 2 weeks ago on a night out in local bar in galway and we really clicked..
spent the whole night talking, few drinks were had so we went back to my friends house and ended up together for the night, just kissing as i didnt let it get any further, so we swapped numbers and a few texts during the week.
so the following weekend i was out for a friends birthday again and he came over the minute he saw us, again spent all night talking and we went back to a house party and again, same thing happened, he wanted sex but i wouldnt.
we text that morning after and ive heard nothing since.
i cannot get him out of my head and its so unlike me! i cant understand it!
what i do get is that if he felt the same he wouldve text by now wouldnt he?
im not naive and i dont fall for charmers easily but i genuinely thought there was something there.
maybe its cos ive been out of the dating scene for so long iv forgotten how to detect players! either that or he lost interest cos i wouldnt sleep with him? or the obvious one, just not that into me!
anyway, do you think i should just move on and forget about him or chance sending a text?
thanks and sorry i know this is trivial compared to some of the posts here but its driving me mad!!

Personally if it was me I'd still want to keep in contact with you if I liked you, but you would be struck off as potential monogomous girlfriend material because I like couldn't be with a woman who doesn't have sex when she wants sex. He could be of a similar mindset, he might feel you are sexually inhibited or car3 to much about not being "slutty".

JoeA3

I can't speak for all guys, but if I liked you enough I'd definitely have contacted you again by now. Having said that I'd also be very flattered and my interest would be re-kindled if I was to get a text / call from you too. I wouldn't particularly expect sex on a plate after one or two casual meetings either but I know a lot of guys would.

So I would suggest sending him a text, ask him is he around this weekend, that you'd like to meet up again, maybe be a little extra flirty with the text, etc, etc... if he doesn't reply then you'll know where you stand!

Pawwed Rig

OP take control of your life and contact him if you're interested. The worst that can happen is that he ignores you. If that does happen then no harm done and you move on.

I lived in 4 different countries in my life and Ireland is definitely not the only country where people (not just women) sometimes hold off on sex. It is vitually unheard of in most parts of Asia for example to contemplate sex early in a relationship. US is similar to Ireland where some folks do, some folks don't. UK is not too different than here either. I am not really sure what countries are being referred to.

TwoGallants

If people stopped being outraged for a moment it would be great. My suggestion is that if a woman appears to be sexually inhibited or sexually conservative, its a big turn off for a lot of men. I live abroad and they don't have these kinds of sexual hang ups over here, its quite a liberation really.

Merkin

TwoGallants wrote: »

My suggestion is that if a woman appears to be sexually inhibited or sexually conservative, its a big turn off for a lot of men.

The implication being that a person is sexually inhibited or conservative because they choose not to sleep with someone the second time they meet them?

Purleeeease :rolleyes:

TwoGallants

Merkin wrote: »

The implication being that a person is sexually inhibited or conservative because they choose not to sleep with someone the second time they meet them?

Purleeeease :rolleyes:

If she didn't want to, then thats fine.

If she didn't because she felt that it was part of some ritual, or because 'it was too soon', or for any reason other than she didn't want to, then its by definition a sign of sexual conservatism and inhibition.

whynott

hi all really appreciate your replies,
and to answer the question, its not that i didnt want to sleep with him persay, i totally fancied the pants off him!!
i dont think im a prude at all just the whole no strings attached sex is not my style if i actually really like someone...
my reasoning for this is going on previous limited experience and the experience of some friends, iv seen them sleep with guys on 1st night and not one of them ever heard from the guy again so they felt like crap afterwards if they did really like him.
not generalising as i said this is just based on experience, but it seemed like they were automatically put on the easy list and nothing further developed!
he told me he goes to the same bar every weekend that i regularly go to so i dont really know what to do if i meet him again knowing that he hasnt text me!

whynott

hi all really appreciate your replies,
and to answer the question, its not that i didnt want to sleep with him persay, i totally fancied the pants off him!!
i dont think im a prude at all just the whole no strings attached sex is not my style if i actually really like someone...
my reasoning for this is going on previous limited experience and the experience of some friends, iv seen them sleep with guys on 1st night and not one of them ever heard from the guy again so they felt like crap afterwards if they did really like him.
not generalising as i said this is just based on experience, but it seemed like they were automatically put on the easy list and nothing further developed!
he told me he goes to the same bar every weekend that i regularly go to so i dont really know what to do if i meet him again knowing that he hasnt text me!

whynott

ps sorry for posting everything twice my phone has a mind of its own

Meauldsegosha

whynott wrote: »

hi all really appreciate your replies,
and to answer the question, its not that i didnt want to sleep with him persay, i totally fancied the pants off him!!
i dont think im a prude at all just the whole no strings attached sex is not my style if i actually really like someone...
my reasoning for this is going on previous limited experience and the experience of some friends, iv seen them sleep with guys on 1st night and not one of them ever heard from the guy again so they felt like crap afterwards if they did really like him.
not generalising as i said this is just based on experience, but it seemed like they were automatically put on the easy list and nothing further developed!
he told me he goes to the same bar every weekend that i regularly go to so i dont really know what to do if i meet him again knowing that he hasnt text me!

whynott, you don't have to justify your reason for not sleeping with him to anyone here. That was your choice to make as you see fit.

If you fancy the pants off him I reiterate my previous comment, pick up the phone and ask him out on a date. If he says no, forget about him and hold your head high next time you see him in the bar. If he says yes well happy days.

Atletico56

Well you could sleep with him and then if yo7 don't hear from him you know he's not the guy for you.

face1990

Atletico56 wrote: »

Well you could sleep with him and then if yo7 don't hear from him you know he's not the guy for you.

Jaysus, people here have a weird attitude to sex. 'If you don't have sex you better have a good reason not to', 'have sex with him to find out if he's "the guy for you!",...



OP, if you like him text him. You've nothing to lose, and you'll regret it if you don't!

loalae

Do you know what - it would probably be pretty empowering for you if you made the move to ask him out! I know this sounds counter-intuitive but waiting around for someone to let you know if they're interested can feel a lot more like rejection than knowing for sure that they're not interested.

If you like him and you want to see him again, ask him out.

If you don't feel like you're ready to have sex with him for whatever reason, don't.

If he doesn't want to meet up with you unless you have sex with him, it's your choice whether or not you're willing to accept that. But at least you'd know what the story is and you could make an informed decision about what to do!

Steintreppe

face1990 wrote: »

Jaysus, people here have a weird attitude to sex. 'If you don't have sex you better have a good reason not to', 'have sex with him to find out if he's "the guy for you!",...



OP, if you like him text him. You've nothing to lose, and you'll regret it if you don't!

There's nothing weird about having sex with an attractive person when you are horny. Its weird not to. Life is to be enjoyed.

thegreatgonzo

There is no harm in sending a text. If he don't reply it's no big deal it's just a text. From what you said though...he doesn't sound very promising.

Sparkle82

Text text text As everyone else has said, if no reply, then you know where you stand, and might find it easier to suck it up and move on. Or, he might surprise you with a positive reply, and you might end up on a good thing. Either way, at least you will know......

Good luck

Legs.Eleven

TwoGallants wrote: »

If she didn't want to, then thats fine.

If she didn't because she felt that it was part of some ritual, or because 'it was too soon', or for any reason other than she didn't want to, then its by definition a sign of sexual conservatism and inhibition.

1) Having lived outside of Ireland for 9 years, you're talking rubbish. Its certainly not the case with women here in Spain and it wasn't the case in Argentina, Chile, Peru, Bolivia or Colombia when I spent a good bit of time in each country. Hence why local men here and in South America tend to target European/American backpackers. The UK and Ireland would have a much bigger culture of going out and having a one night stand than probably all other European countries. Just because it didn't happen for you while living in Ireland, doesn't mean it isn't happening. Believe me, it is.

Anyway, that's either here nor there but I've seen you post this garbage on here before and wanted to correct you.


2) I've read countless posts on Boards judging women quite harshly for sleeping with someone too soon. More posts of that kind than not, in fact. I suppose you couldn't possibly have any understanding of what a head-melter it is when a woman is classed as a) a prude for not sleeping with someone or b) a slapper for sleeping with someone too soon. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Text this guy, OP. Take your destiny into your own hands so you can get an answer and avoid any more wreaked head.

Chara1001

This thread has raised some really unsettling attitudes towards sex. The op doesn't need to justify herself. If this guy has been put off for not having sex by the second date- he's not the man for her.
If she did have sex with him and he never got in touch again- would the same posters encouraging her to have sex now be telling her he probably doesn't see her as girlfriend material because she put out too quickly??