People in my Life

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I kinda have two separate problems so I apologise if this is a long one. I'm a college student at the moment, in my third year and quite a distance from home so evidently, most of the company I keep are my friends.
I was never one to be close to people. In primary and secondary school, I could nearly say I didn't have friends, just people I stayed with during lunch times. Although, in secondary school, my "friends" were quite nasty to me at times. However, that's a different story. In first and second years of college, I had one set of people I lived with and went out with and knew quite a few others. The one's I lived and went out with, we were never the same people but we got on well enough. This was until second year, mostly, when we started being quite distant in that, they would organise events without me and talk about how excited they were about it with me in the room. They still do this on facebook where they talk about previous times together where they include everyone except me, despite me being there. One of the girls got with a guy I was sort of seeing (it wasn't a serious relationship, yet they knew about it) in front of me and was congratulated for it and various other things. They also had different interests to me such as make-up, new clothes, finding boyfriends where-as I'd happily walk around without make up and preferred a new jersey to a new dress. My friendship with these girls was never going to really work, so I let it fade out, leaving it on mutual terms whilst getting closer to the girls in my course. It just felt as though the only reason these girls were friends with me at all was because I don't drink yet still enjoy going out so I could make sure they got home okay on nights out.
This year, I lived with a few girls on my course. We were much more similar from hobbies to music taste to sense of humour and so on. However, even this is presenting problems recently. We are similar yet there are quite a few differences. I think the main problem is how shallow and bitchy they've become, even about each other. I really don't like talking about other people yet it seems that's the only lasting conversation I can have with them and it's getting worse as the semester progresses. The last day I bumped into an acquaintance and somehow, we got talking about the pros and cons of including religion in the modern life. Two of the other girls were with me and were talking among themselves as I was talking to the acquaintance (we all knew each other, it just so happened I ended up talking to the acquaintance the most), but when we started talking about religion (a subject I had an interest in and liked the psychology behind) they started making comments about it. We tried to involve them in the conversation but was met by "oh no, it's boring and pointless" so we continued talking by ourselves. Instead of resuming their own conversation, the girls started saying things like "are you still talking about that?" and interrupting. We invited them to join in again but they refused and instead preferred to interrupt to make comments about how what we were saying was stupid. Our acquaintance got fed up and left shortly after.
They are also making me hate going out. They are nearly all violent, messy drunks yet take no responsibility for this. I've often taken a hit, trying to drag them away from some other people or had to carry them home as they'd have passed out. They insist on jumping into the middle of the dance floor, despite the fact it's packed and there's no room to actually dance. We get pushed and shoved a lot which they get angry at, and refuse suggestions to moved to the side of the dance floor where there is room to move and less chance of being pushed about. This usually ends in me acting as a barrier between them and other drunk people as it's easier than having to stop them hitting someone. I have been told by others I should just stop taking responsibility but I don't like seeing them or anyone else getting hurt or in trouble. The last few occasions, I just haven't bothered going out.
I'm also on medication which, coupled with the stress of approaching exams and many current project deadlines, have left me quite tired. However, any chance I get to sleep, they interrupt in some way or another. When I try to explain to them that I'm exhausted and need a nap, they just roll their eyes and continue shouting or whatever they're doing until I get up.
Other than the above, we usually get on quite well however, the shallowness and inconsiderateness makes me think twice about living with them next year. Next semester is not a problem, as we all are away for work experience, but at this stage, for fourth year, I just feel like living on my own. Like I said, I've never been a people person but I can't tell if it's something I'm doing consistently wrong that I can never get close friends or I just had bad luck in finding friends. I'm quite a shy person so finding friends at all isn't easy for me and all the clubs and societies I am in, I'm only really acquainted with the people in them. This is except for one person in a club I've joined, which leads me to my next problem.

Myself and this guy I met through a club we are both members of have become quite close. Like I said above, I don't drink generally but on the vary rare occasion, I do. The first night I did drink just happened to be the night after our first training together in September last year so I waved and we got talking and I ended up taking him home (well, he ended up half carrying me home) where we kissed but nothing else happened. Fast forward a semester and a half of leaving it at that (this was in April) and I realize that I had started to develop feelings for him, despite nothing happening since the time we kissed except the odd conversation. As a bit of background information, I rarely ever develop feelings for guys. I'm not sure why, but nearly all of my experiences before that were one night stands and friends with benefits which ended when they developed feelings for me. I do have one ex, however it was a trainwreck of a relationship which ended badly. This may be a contributing factor as to why I rarely develop romantic feelings for men.
Due to this, I found it odd I had not only developed feelings for a guy but it was a guy I had only ever kissed once. Fast forward to May and I finally built up the courage to kiss him again on a night out. It turned out he was a virgin but did want to lose it to me, which I was honoured by.
Since then, we had been seeing each other every few weeks. At the start, for various reasons (such as being at other ends of the county during the holidays), it couldn't be more often. However, as time went on, things started to get more confusing and now, I don't know where we stand. We still are only together maybe once every two weeks if I'm lucky but when we are together, the way he acts makes it clear he likes me as much as I like him but when we're not together, there is just about zero contact unless I initiate it. He often prioritises his work over me which, I don't mind every so often but it's constantly. It seems he cares more about getting consistently high grades than his relationship with me and yet, when we are together, he's lovely and we get on so well. I can't tell if his constant prioritising of work is because he's no longer interested or it's because he's still quite inexperienced with women but knowing other on his course, he doesn't have as much work as he seems to be doing. It has gotten to the stage, I don't bother asking if he's going to training or going anywhere else, cause the chances are, he'll be doing assignments. I could be completely overthinking things or being silly but it upsets me. Especially because I won't be about next semester and want to spent time with him before exams.
I don't know. I guess I'm just starting to get quite lonely and I have no idea where else to turn so I came here. Is it me? Am I overreacting about everything?

Idle Passerby

The answer to the first problem is the friendships your speaking of seems to have run their course. You are interested in completely different things and they seem pretty insulting and immature to boot. Why not join some societies or clubs where you might meet people with similar interests?

The second problem: Its impossible for me to guess if your boyfriend is loosing interest but my guess would be he is quite college focused and prefers to concentrate on that when he has time to himself. You would obviously prefer a bit more contact though, so maybe sit down with him and explain that since you see each other so infrequently you would appreciate it if he made more of an effort to keep in touch while your apart.

Best of Luck!

OttoPilot

For the second problem, I don't know enough about the guy to tell whether he really wants a relationship with you as much as he needs to for it to work. If he is a really shy person maybe you could try asking him out straight about how he feels and if he wants a more serious relationship, but make sure he realises he must want to spend more time with you and take the initiative from time to time.

thegreatgonzo

I think you have just been unlucky with the friends you have made. The friends I feel closest to now are ones I made in my mid 20's onwards. Many young women can be very insecure and some are addicted to drama so it can be difficult maintaining a close friendship with some despite the fact they have some very good qualities too. So don't see this as some failing on your part.
About the guy, maybe he is just very focused on college? Can you talk to him about how you feel?