I found something...

LegacyUser

I hope this isn't too long or too silly a 'problem' but here it goes...

The wife and I with two children are married 5 years, together 8. OH late 20's me early 30's. We have a good relationship and both are happy. Sex has been good. I've always had a higher sex drive, in the honeymoon period we would have sex twice a week (I always would want more but found this ok) give and take blah blah... Now its like once a fortnight on average, I would like more but with work/children/life I just take what I can get. I've discussed making more us time but she is happy enough and to be fair I probably wouldn't be able with my work load ha ha.

She has always been the shy type not too adventurous but that's who she is. I know she is satisfied as she would be too embarrassed or the type to fake, also without getting too graphic... well there is physical evidence if you know what i mean.

Now this leads to my, problem is too strong a word but here it goes...

After a night out last weekend, i lost my car keys, we searched high and low without success in the usual places. I had to get the bus Monday morning. So Monday night i got an inkling i had put them somewhere in the bedroom and began to search. Couldn't find them so went through wardrobe then on to my chest of drawers. I searched my side and then on the off chance i might have flung them into one on her side. I searched her pants drawer and as i fiddled around i found a vibrator. Something like a rabbit.

Now i know this might sound silly but i was a little shocked. I am no prude and i know women do have 'alone time' too maybe more so younger or single women idk.

Now i didn't say anything to her. I wouldn't embarrass her and or let her think i was snooping but this has made me very curious and i was a little bit f**cked up for some reason.

Firstly i am thinking where did she get it, i know she wouldn't go into a sex shop and she is totally computer illiterate so i don't think she'd order it online. I'm not so much suspicious but maybe a wee bit but i don't think it would be a male gave it to her like.

Two, she has a low sex, i think she would get away with sex once every second month if i am honest. I feel lied to or cheated a little in a strange sort of way.

Three, i feel so stupid typing this, thank god for anonymous posting, but i feel a little intimidated by this little contraption, a little confused maybe, why not with me?

I have nobody in my life i could ask about something like this, particularly a woman point of view. Is this common?

I feel daft typing this but should i be worried? I typed a lot of detail as i don't want to get into too much a discussion about this but i do want peoples perspective so i gave as much information as i could.

I know maybe i should talk to her but i do not want to embarrass her and I'm maybe a little afraid what she will say.

I just wish i didn't find it to be honest, i feel a bit stupid about this.

Merkin

One question for you. Do you masturbate?

JaneeMack

Firstly, I think you are a very considerate husband and genuinely a nice guy so fair play to ya!

Secondly, I think you have nothing to worry about. I want to ask, how honest and open are you with your wife in terms of intimacy? I'm sure during your courting period, you talked about this but are you very open with each other? I understand that she is shy from your post but surely you guys have a few kids so I'm sure you are quite open with each other?

I think it is a good sign that she has a vibrator - she has needs and she is making her needs met. I have friends and family members who are married with kids and they have all told me that sex life becomes second priority once you have children - simply cause you are so busy and tired.

Also from a woman's perspective, I think female libido goes up as they reach their 30's and I think women usually get higher sex drive in their 30's. So I'd say she's probably following the nature's course herself.

I'd suggest, just bring it up playfully, 'Oh I was looking for my keys in the bedroom cuz I was sure I left them there and I was looking through the drawers. And guess what I found! A rabbit, haha!' then see how she reacts. I really dont think it is a big deal.

Can I also suggest, plan a nice little weekend getaway without the kids for a night or two. Treat her to a romantic meal, some wine, some jacuzzi, and make her feel like a woman. She may seem like a shy lady but she might be finally coming out of her shell.

Please don't be feel stupid. Just talk about it with her and tell her you want to be part of her fantasy, and that you'd like to use it with her (if she wants)

Mr.McLovin

I think you are getting your knickers in a twist over nothing dude, you trust your missus so what is the problem?

Sometimes its easier to sort yourself out rather than the effort of sorting somebody else out too if you know what I mean.

By the way did you find your keys?

Czarcasm

WhatYouThink? wrote: »

Now i know this might sound silly but i was a little shocked. I am no prude and i know women do have 'alone time' too maybe more so younger or single women idk.

You're right OP, it does sound silly, as do your ideas about the sheer numbers of women who enjoy using sex toys to pleasure themselves.

Now i didn't say anything to her. I wouldn't embarrass her and or let her think i was snooping but this has made me very curious and i was a little bit f**cked up for some reason.

Sounds like you two have a lot more to talk about than just the discovery of a vibrator tbh. You're together eight years with two children, and you never even thought to ask about these things?

Firstly i am thinking where did she get it, i know she wouldn't go into a sex shop and she is totally computer illiterate so i don't think she'd order it online. I'm not so much suspicious but maybe a wee bit but i don't think it would be a male gave it to her like.

It sounds like you don't know your wife as well as you think you do, but you place the idea of a man giving it to her above the fact that she may just have walked into a shop and bought it for herself? Come on now. It's not beyond the bounds of possibility that a man gave it to her (I gave one of my mates a vibrator as a present at her divorce party), but it wouldn't be the first conclusion I'd jump to.

Two, she has a low sex, i think she would get away with sex once every second month if i am honest. I feel lied to or cheated a little in a strange sort of way.

Three, i feel so stupid typing this, thank god for anonymous posting, but i feel a little intimidated by this little contraption, a little confused maybe, why not with me?

I have nobody in my life i could ask about something like this, particularly a woman point of view. Is this common?

You have your wife OP, and yes, it is quite common.

I feel daft typing this but should i be worried? I typed a lot of detail as i don't want to get into too much a discussion about this but i do want peoples perspective so i gave as much information as i could.

I know maybe i should talk to her but i do not want to embarrass her and I'm maybe a little afraid what she will say.

I just wish i didn't find it to be honest, i feel a bit stupid about this.

Why would you be afraid of what she might say? Are you more embarrassed yourself that your wife has a side you may not have known about? What CAN she say really?

You shouldn't feel threatened by this at all OP, you should use it as a means to open a discussion with your wife about your sexual relationship and maybe she may just surprise you.

LegacyUser

WhatYouThink? wrote: »

............ i know she wouldn't go into a sex shop and ...............

It's fairly obvious you do not, in fact, "know" as much as you think you know. She's shy. It's entirely possible for two people who are so intimate top still have reservations about sharing fantasies etc.

Foxhound38

It's not a big deal OP. Most women start masturbating as teenagers just as men do (slightly later than men on average, but only slightly). It's a life-long, healthy and generally harmless habit. Some women find it difficult to masturbate using just hands and fingers, and so use vibrators to get themselves there. Many just like the different sensation. Vibes are very, very common.

You shouldn't feel threatened by this. Sex is a different experience to masturbation, generally a superior one. You shouldn't feel any more threatened by her rabbit than she would by the fact that you can masturbate whenever you want.

Mention it to her if it's bothering you. The vibrator could even spice up bedroom antics!

FLOWERS1

Hi op

I think I'd be curious myself and I can understand that you might be a little bit jealous, but your completely right to be as rational as you have been about it - it really isn't a big deal!!!, don't push her for when, where, how, as we all come from different back grounds and have different comfort levels of communicating about sex, some people never speak about it!

but as it was in her draw - I don't think it was a big hidden secret from you and maybe she wanted you to find it -maybe a sign that she wants to be a bit more adventurous. So look at this positively this could just be the ticket to open up conversation and spark up your sex life

As you sound a little sexually frustrated and neglected - I would tell her you found it and tell her you found it a bit of a turn on! and suggest a cheeky weekend away to explore her new found toy / libido that she was simply a little too shy to communicate with you



Best of luck!

ivytwine

Maybe a friend bought it for her? I know plenty of women who have done that as a joke. Fair enough, we're a good bit younger and attitudes are different, but still!

Don't be jealous of it or freaked out, it's a machine! No match for the touch of a man Maybe ye can even incorporate it from time to time!

FLOWERS1

Maybe she got it at an Ann summers Girly Party