All Advice Welcome - Stepdaughter stealing.

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Advice needed. I've recently moved in with my long term partner, all going well. He has a teenage daughter who we have on the weekends. She is a typical teenager addicted to her mobile phone, all talk when her friends are there and doesn't say anything and they're not around. The problem is she goes through my things and takes them. At first I think I didn't notice but then started noticing things going missing/moved and then it all came to a head when I bought new expensive perfume for a present and put it under the bed to keep it out of her way really when i went to wrap it the perfume was gone.

I told her dad he confronted her and she didn't really know what to say. He told her she cant go through peoples things and to give back anything she has taken. The perfume returned. When I met the daughter again she said nothing and didn't seem upset or anything, so i asked if she had anything to say to me, she said she was sorry and I asked her to return anything else she may have "borrowed". I also said to her that we all have to get on in the house and we all should be happy and if there is any problems come talk to me i'm not a battleaxe.

Anyway moving on a few months, we were storing furniture in her room as one of the other rooms are being painted and I found something i owned on her floor. This has brought things to another level as what she took was from my stored things that I havent unpacked yet since I moved in thats still in boxes under the stairs. Since then I've gone through some of my boxes and theres over 200euro plus worth of things gone so far. Im livid.

Sorry for the long thread but if I cant feel comfortable where I live. Just looking for advice how I should tackle this with and how to stop it all before it goes too far.

Mozzeltoff

I had a similar problem with my OHs niece that sometimes stays with us on weekends. A few small bits went missing but at the same time something of great importance to me went missing and I was fuming. I knew it was her as it went missing the day she went home.I had a chat with OH and her mother and we all sat her down and told her that she can't be "borrowing" things without asking.

My advice would be to say it to your partner again and both of you sit her down and explain to her that it's not ok for her to be taking things without asking. I wouldn't be roaring the head off her but let her know firmly that it's a big no no. I know you have said you've done this before but I think a firm reminder wouldn't go astray.

LadyMayBelle

Gonna put on my play therapy hat here and wonder about the link between this behaviour and you moving in. To me, and dont get offended here, as Im trying to think of it like a child or young teen might think subconcsiouly....

But youve 'taken' something perhaps she owns (ie her Dad, her home, her living routine) and perhaps her way of trying to get her head around all of this is taking some of your things; this is not a revenge tactic but Ive seen behaviour like this before in a similar sitaution. Did someone sit down properly with her over a while and talk about the move in and how it feels to have somebody come in? The impact, what that might be like?

One question; is Mum around and are there siblings, out of curiosity..?

Of course, the behaviour has to stop but she make be acting on a level that isnt plain nastiness..

Salt001

Pick a room, put a lock on it and put all your stuff there. Put a lock on your bedroom door . Keep plugging away on your relationship with her, you don't say what age she is?.
Be firm but remember she is younger than you and she could be in your life forever.
Its really tough but sometimes you have to bend a bit before you can sort things out.
I'm not saying give in to her, again you say she is a teenager but does that mean 13/14?.

Big Bag of Chips

Moved to Teens and Pre-Teens subforum in the Parenting Forum. You might get more appropriate answers here, from parents and step parents of teenagers.