Separated/Divorced & Dating

frightrabbit

Long time reader & poster but just using a different user name to ensure sensitivities are protected.
I know people in this forum will be at different stages in the process and different emotional states but I'm hoping there may be some people able to share their experiences & possibly put my mind at ease!

I'm separated amicably and will be eligible to apply for a divorce next year. I've been dating in the last year or so & while the scene hasn't changed much from when I was on it in the past, I'm fearful of a stigma attached to being separated. I don't tend to broadcast it but at a certain stage, usually sooner rather than later, it feels like something I should bring up. I've never been dumped directly because of it but I sometimes sense a bit of unease about it, despite the fact I have a lot less baggage than a lot of my single friends.
This could just be me being a little sensitive to it but would appreciate if anyone has any experience of this? What are your thoughts?

username20131

I am in the same boat but I am separated for only about a year now. The one person that I have dated in the interim was an old friend who heard that I had separated and got back in touch. It didn’t seem to affect him to be honest (or he hid it very well) . I think the first date that we were on he asked me whether I thought I was over my ex now and a few details of how I found out the ex was cheating etc. That was it, I explained that I had no more contact with my ex and was the better for it. (i.e. baggage free)

It never came up after that, which was a relief. The only problem now is that I have been out of the dating scene for over a decade and I have no idea what I am doing – I have no moves!
One issue that has come up for me though is that I no longer know what I actually want out of a relationship. Just trying the - this is fun for now attitude and going with the flow to see what works for me. It has worked well so far.

Hypocrite that I am, I will be honest and say that when I was single, the first time around, I would have run a mile from a guy who said that he was separated the first night we met. It would have been a red flag and the longer that he held out and didn’t tell me the bigger the red flag. I used to think these guys had a wife back at the house that had no idea what they are up to or else that one bat of the eye lashes from the ex-wife and it would be reconciliation and I would get the door. Then again I was only a student at the time so a bit immature.

Anyway life experience changes ones outlook on life. Good luck with your future dating. I am green with envy that you are almost there in the divorce timeline. Roll on 3 years for me!

frightrabbit

I agree wholeheartedly with the fun for now sentiment. I'm still not entirely sure what I want but I certainly know what I don't want. Certainly throws the "in a hurry to settle down" stereotype on its head & rightly so.

Interesting about the red flag, I would have had reservations too, maybe even still would, totally depending on the circumstances then.

Trust me, it will fly by, though I still wholly support a reform of the divorce law. Living apart for a longer period than you were married for, in order to get a divorce is a little harsh but you live & learn I guess.