He shouts at his xbox all night long

LegacyUser

I live at home with my brother and mother. Said brother who is in his 20s is the type to stay up until really late, and wake up really late in the day. He plays call of duty and to be frank, he isn't that good which makes him extremely angry.

He shouts and shouts at the other players, cursing and blinding and threatening them. He does this at any hour of the day. When he isn't shouting, he has the TV up loud, or he's just chatting and laughing with the other players but he is constantly making a lot of noise. He has no headset when he is shouting so he avoids getting banned by Microsoft.

He is prone to anger issues so this is a big trigger for him.

This is doing all kinds to the rest of us in the house. I am in the room next to him and the walls are plaster. I can hear every single word he says. My menopausal mother is in the room across from him and can't always hear him but she is stressed out completely because of the noise he makes. She cries daily.

She's worried about what the neighbours think (they've been nice and not complained.. yet) and is constantly fighting with him every single day about different things like the noise he makes, why he doesn't go to college anymore (he was doing his LC but dropped out because it 'wasn't for him', why he doesn't try to find a job, etc. He is a lazy person who has no regard for anyone else. He's constantly angry every day. This is doing my head in. When I get home from the gym/work, I forget and expect a happy, quiet home.

We're losing sleep and hair over this guy but have no idea what to do. She has threatened everything with him at this stage.

What are our options? Thanks everyone.

Neyite

What are your options? Kick him out.

He wont get far in a flat share with that kind of disregard for fellow tenants, nor will his home comforts be handed to him on a plate. He might just appreciate how cushy he had it at home when he is broke from paying bills, rent and food for himself.

And then make it a condition of his return to the home that he gets professional help for his anger issues.

Of course all this is moot unless your mother takes a stand and takes action. Its her house after all.

Merkin

I'd tell your mother to move the TV into her own bedroom until he finds himself another place to live like any other normal, functioning twenty something year old.

fermanagh_man

To be fair it's very hard to play COD and not go crazy

I play COD and couldn't play any longer than 3hours at a time

Does your brother ever get outside, even for a walk to clear his head?

Beruthiel

hatforghead wrote: »

What are our options?

Were my 25 year old xbox playing daughter ever to behave like your brother, I would do the following:

Unplug the xbox, remove it from his room and tell him to get up off his arse and find a job.
While living under my roof you abide by my rules.
Don't like that? Then you are free to leave when ever you choose.

Your mother has basically given control over to him. She needs to regain it.
He has no respect for her, she has allowed that to happen.
It's her house.
Any legal responsibility she had towards him finished the day he turned 18.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.

He's on jobseekers allowance too and wastes his money each week on who knows what. He spent 40 quid yesterday to buy a controller for his Xbox (he's thrown things a few times, I think he might have broken a controller in a fit of rage playing it).

My mother is not someone who takes action. She's kicked him out once before and nothing came of it. He promised to change and do something with himself but that wasn't much of a success. Of costs my mother was feeling extreme guilt and practically had amo open door for him to come back.

He's also spoken about moving out in the past too to get out of the house but again, nope. I doubt he'll do anything this side of Christmas either.

fillefatale

He sounds incredibly selfish with his own issues and no regard for anyone, especially your mother who is going through her own life changes right now. For her own health and for his, she needs to take action and send him on his way. Now, he is not living in reality and its affecting everyone around him and either he doesn't care and chooses not to notice. He needs a serious wake-up call.

freshpopcorn

Just on interest OP. Are you working and could you afford to move out if it's such a problem to you?
It is often hard for parents to kick their kids out of home because they find it hard to do because they love them. Sometimes parents kick their kids out for a day or two and then they leave them back because they are worried about them. A women in my local town had a fight with her son a couple of months ago and she kicked him out. He didn't come back the next day and they found him hanging from a tree a couple of miles away. Since then the whole family has fallen apart and her other kids blame her and she blames her self.( These things sometimes happen).

Unplug the xbox and tell him to get off his backside and fend for himself

NIMAN

Op* wrote: »

Thanks guys.

He's on jobseekers allowance too and wastes his money each week on who knows what. He spent 40 quid yesterday to buy a controller for his Xbox (he's thrown things a few times, I think he might have broken a controller in a fit of rage playing it).

My mother is not someone who takes action. She's kicked him out once before and nothing came of it. He promised to change and do something with himself but that wasn't much of a success. Of costs my mother was feeling extreme guilt and practically had amo open door for him to come back.

He's also spoken about moving out in the past too to get out of the house but again, nope. I doubt he'll do anything this side of Christmas either.

.. and when the Gov cut back money on those living with parents we always hear how it will ruin them. I would say there are plenty of people out there like your brother wasting taxpayers money.

Clive

Your mother has chosen to let him live this way and you can't change that, nor can you be responsible for his lifestyle.

What you can do is minimise the impact he has on you. One option is simply to move out, but if you don't want to do that then anytime his antics wake you up, get up, flip the tripswitch for his room and go back to bed. Repeat ad nauseum until he finally gets the message.

silverharp

if that was my son I'd have kicked him out (for his own good) if he wasn't trying to better himself, anything is better than that zombie existence the lad in this case has. He needs a new start even if its a manual job abroad in the UK Canada or Australia.

Morag

The person who's name is on the bill for the internet, should unplug the router at night time and if needs be remove it, until the morning.

hatforghead

hatforghead wrote: »

She has threatened everything with him at this stage.

Stop threatening and follow through. Your mother is a mother, of course she found it incredibly difficult to see the kicking-out through last time, whereas he's lazy - waiting it out for your mother to crack is easy for him.

Morag wrote: »

The person who's name is on the bill for the internet, should unplug the router at night time and if needs be remove it, until the morning.

I don't know what the story is with internet connections to the Xbox, but could you get the password changed for the internet and keep it from your brother? Not as a "promise to do this or else" thing, but literally for good, as a way to stop him doing what he's doing. If he wants, he can always pay for his own internet, which wont help the noise issue but at least he'll have begun to take some sort of responsibility by having his own bills. Same goes for things he likes that are bought for the family but only he really eats/uses/likes. Just stop getting them. Stop supplying him with anything he doesn't need to survive.

I'm still living at home myself, and recently my sister moved out. She had a job and looked after herself and didn't do anything nearly as bad as how your brother is behaving, but she's not much of a team player, family-wise. I can't even explain to you how much calmer it is around the place now, how much nicer it is to come home from work, wake up in the morning, get things done without having to try to accommodate someone who isn't willing to compromise with you. My mother is so much happier now too. I'd fully recommend you to make his life less pleasant. Your mother wont have to feel bad because he'll still have a roof over his head and basic needs met, but he has to experience (very long term) what it's like when you don't contribute.

December2012

The only person whose actions you can control are your own.

Your mother will do nothing.

So if it's that bad you should move out.

myshirt

Take the room door off the hinges.

MagicMarker

What ever you do, don't accidentally spill water all over the xbox, could cause irreparable damage.

thefeatheredcat

December2012 wrote: »

The only person whose actions you can control are your own.

Your mother will do nothing.

So if it's that bad you should move out.

+1 on this. You need to put yourself first.

Your brother isn't going to change over night. He needs to take some control and responsibility for his life, for how he lives it, for how he spends it and how he treats others. You can't do that for him, only he can. And it's never going to happen when he is being enabled to continue as is by your mother who has made herself his doormat.

If your mother hasn't followed through by now on threats then it is unlikely she will, ever until something changes. Are you close to her? Do you talk in support to eachother about your brother? Her enabling him to be this way is a core issue, and probably denying him makes her feel guilty. But she has to wake up that as long as she enables him, he will behave that way. Sounds to me like she needs help and support as I suspect there's more going on than just your brother that leaves her crying and suffering from guilt, and that is a job for professionals and not for you to be her crutch.

If their combined behaviour is affecting your health and well being, causing you stress, detracting from your happiness, then you absolutely should move out. While you can just not engage your brother and ignore his angry outbursts, not get drawn in into conflict with him or between him and your mother, it isn't always going to be that easy or possible to live like that indefinitely, without a change occurring along the line that makes him realise the negative consequences of his behaviour.

hoodwinked

its been said before before but i agree, the best option if you can is to move out and leave them to it,


my husband is in a somewhat same predicament with his younger brother, and although it upsets him to see his parents taken advantage of he is aware they are enabling his brother's behaviour.

his brother has a degree in software development but insists to them there 'are no jobs' so he can sit at home on his playstation or computer all day while his parents fund his nights out drinking with friends, his new games, clothes...etc

as frustrating as it is op, you need to leave them live they way they want, but minimise the impact on your life by moving out and keeping contact to visits... for your own sanity more than anything else.

DaisyD2

Its your Mothers house (you don't mention Dad?) its up to her to follow through - exactly what has she treatened so far?

Pre internet days my Mum used regularily to go to work with fuse (ie Power!) & the house phone in her handbag, there was never bread or milk in house & more than once my brother walked up the road with his friends from school on lunch break to find contents of his room being flung from his bedroom window because of the stench emanating from his bed/clothes after repeated warnings to clean same!

It worked, maybe not overnight but if somebody was keeping Me up shouting screaming & generally being obnoxious I would definitely be cutting all power off going to bed & thats just the start!

The Diabolical Monocle

Just to start - before any larger actions.

Could you have him move downstairs at night when you're trying to sleep.

Its clear this is an addiction and, right or wrong, you don't want any increase of BS in your life.

Have him wear headphones, and do his gaming downstairs at night.
Tell him to quit the shouting - nag and interrupt when he breaks these rules, although time the nagging so he doesn't go berserk.

Make him realize that your sleep being interrupted = his gameplay enjoyment being interrupted/reduced. Do this subtly without an ultimatum/standoff

Let him know he's being a douche-bag and that he could be doing better more enjoyable things in the real world.

Maybe even make a bit of noise in the morning if he was a dick the night before.

halpin17

I would just like everyone to take a moment and leave the Xbox out of this, it never hurt anybody, would you pull the plug on a life support machine if he was shouting at the human, no, so do the same for the Xbox, it has a right to live too, for soon it will as all Xboxs do,develop the three rings of death and need to be sent back to Xbox for burial

ManOfMystery

The xbox isn't really the issue here, it's the person using it. Take it away and his behaviour will still be that of a spoilt child, he will simply replace it with something else. Your mother needs to take a harder line in order for him to change the way he fundamentally thinks and acts at home.