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How do I make her believe?

  • 26-11-2013 10:30pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My ex & I are separated about a year. Our daughter is 7. He only gets to see her a few times in the year because of where he lives and works. When he comes to see her, she's in heaven, they have a great bond. The problem is, when he is around, it's like the perfect happy family, where all our daughter wants is for us to do family things together. As nice as it is for her, it's giving her mixed signals and making our separation harder.

    We are on relatively good terms but hanging out together as a family, messes with our thoughts. Neither of us want that. So we've decided family time is not ideal for any of us, apart from Santa gits & birthday.

    What is the best way to tell her that Mommy & Daddy are no longer together etc. I'm avoiding the obvious words to protect her, but I could be doing more harm than good.

    I personally would rather keep it as it is, but my ex is moving on and wants our daughter to know what's happening in black and white. He feels she's mature enough to handle it, whilst I disagree.

    Thoughts??


Comments

  • #2
    CrazyRabbit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,659 ✭✭✭CrazyRabbit


    Have you tried asking your daughter what she thinks the situation is, and what it is she wants/expects from her parents?

    Might be a good idea to get input from the one person most affected by all this.


  • #3
    goz83
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,035 ✭✭✭goz83


    A mature 7 year old should be told the truth, in the simplest terms, while being assured that both you and your ex love her very much. Playing happy families is what is sending the wrong signals. She knows everything is not all rosey, so it's unhealthy to pretend it is.

    I have been in a very similar situation when my eldest was 7 and we also had a 3 year old. The 7 year old was told and was able to process it. Thankfully we managed to save the relationship, but we both wanted to save it, which is not the same as your situation.


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