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Spider - Feedback welcome

  • 26-11-2013 1:29pm
    #1
    Ciaran0
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 213 ✭✭


    This is my first time to start a thread in this forum, usually I'm very private about anything I write and most of it never sees the light of day. However I reckon I should change that. Here are the lyrics:

    Last night I killed
    The spider on my wall
    Father showed me how
    The father showed me how

    He never saw it
    Coming, the spider
    He was unconcerned

    Then, when I'm to go
    Am I better off, to have known
    Or lived a spider's dream
    And not looked up at all

    Last night I was a
    I was a mountain
    To the little spider
    Stretching out my hand
    Stretching out my hand

    Then, when I'm to go
    Am I better off, to have known
    Or lived a spider's dream
    And not looked up at all

    Last night I was a
    I was a human
    I don't understand
    I don't understand


    And here's a link to the music https://soundcloud.com/ciar-ncath-in/spider-1


Comments

  • #2
    musicvine
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33 ✭musicvine


    The title already had me approach with caution, yes! ...me and spiders don't meet. Managing to get beyond that there is certainly a poet in the writing barely giving us a glimpse of his ability.

    I did listen to the music and while I'm sure it appeals to a certain audience, I found a song further down the list on your page that held my attention completely... I really liked 'Eve is The Apple of My Eye'. Though I couldn't quite make out all of the lyrics, it has something beautiful; the music, the way you sing it, it's special - from the heart.


  • #3
    Ciaran0
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 213 ✭✭Ciaran0


    Yes, 'Eve is the Apple of my Eye' is really a lovely song, and although I wish I could write like that, it's actually a cover of a BellX1 song by the same name. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5hRa_l9VAE

    And thank you for your comment, it's really appreciated :)


  • #4
    musicvine
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33 ✭musicvine


    A beautiful song. Thank you for link. You sing it so well - you have the voice.

    You'll have to excuse my ignorance on bands. I've lived a lay contemplative life and have little knowledge of the music world out there and who's who, until recent years. There you are! Every songwriter finds their space, wherever that may be. Mine is from a spiritual well of faith.

    Thanks again for comment re my own work. There are areas of vocal I need to work on - which I knew, and I've taken that on board with all the welcome feedback.

    Do keep writing, you have a rich heritage within! All the best.


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