Online dating nonsense

LegacyUser

So, I'm doing this online dating thing the last few months.

I've done about 5 dates. From what I have heard I seem to have been fairly lucky. No complete weirdos to date.

Some there was no no chemistry fine, some I liked, but didn't like me, and also vice versa. As you'd expect I suppose.

What I have noticed is that there does appear to be a complete lack of emotional investment from both sides, obviously because if it doesn't go anywhere there's a thousand other potentials where that one came from. This I find hard to deal with.

So, the last guy I met I really liked, we seemed to click, started texting, then we met up after a few days and he brought me to a lovely restaurant. He seemed invested and we got on great. He was away with the lads all weekend but texted me throughout his trip, even drunk texts which were a little premature but he's great so I was flattered.

So, last night I met up with him again in his house, again, we got on great and this one felt like a "fit" so, when things got heated he suggested going upstairs and I said no, "it's only my second time meeting you" this seemed like an acceptable response. So, we chatted and kissed till it got near midnight, I was going to be up early for work so suggested I get a taxi home, he said "I wish you could stay" I said "Maybe next time, then realised what I'd said and said "If that's not too presumptuous" he laughed but made no effort to reassure me, which I didn't read in to (till now). We joked, played around and teased till the taxi arrived. I sent him a text when I got home saying "Home now, thanks again for tonight" He replied "Thank you, you're good company Sleep tight x" I replied "sweet dreams x"

He's off work today so assumed I'd hear from him first thing, like I really like him and this morning was feeling like I couldn't wait to see him again. Now I'm not sure he's even going to contact me at all. His pattern since we started texting is really to be in touch a few times a day, definitely by now, especially after last night.

Is this normal for online dating? I think I just don't understand men

(I'm 32 and he's 29 if that's relevant - not kids)

ibarelycare

It's only been a few hours since the date, you really need to chill

If you're really that concerned, why aren't you texting him anyway? Maybe he's wondering why you haven't been in touch with him!

alias06

You're panicking prematurely. It hasn't even been a full day without contact yet. If he hasn't texted by tomorrow you could start to worry.

Czarcasm

herewegojoe wrote: »

So, I'm doing this online dating thing the last few months.

I've done about 5 dates. From what I have heard I seem to have been fairly lucky. No complete weirdos to date.

Some there was no no chemistry fine, some I liked, but didn't like me, and also vice versa. As you'd expect I suppose.

What I have noticed is that there does appear to be a complete lack of emotional investment from both sides, obviously because if it doesn't go anywhere there's a thousand other potentials where that one came from. This I find hard to deal with.

So, the last guy I met I really liked, we seemed to click, started texting, then we met up after a few days and he brought me to a lovely restaurant. He seemed invested and we got on great. He was away with the lads all weekend but texted me throughout his trip, even drunk texts which were a little premature but he's great so I was flattered.

So, last night I met up with him again in his house, again, we got on great and this one felt like a "fit" so, when things got heated he suggested going upstairs and I said no, "it's only my second time meeting you" this seemed like an acceptable response. So, we chatted and kissed till it got near midnight, I was going to be up early for work so suggested I get a taxi home, he said "I wish you could stay" I said "Maybe next time, then realised what I'd said and said "If that's not too presumptuous" he laughed but made no effort to reassure me, which I didn't read in to (till now). We joked, played around and teased till the taxi arrived. I sent him a text when I got home saying "Home now, thanks again for tonight" He replied "Thank you, you're good company Sleep tight x" I replied "sweet dreams x"

He's off work today so assumed I'd hear from him first thing, like I really like him and this morning was feeling like I couldn't wait to see him again. Now I'm not sure he's even going to contact me at all. His pattern since we started texting is really to be in touch a few times a day, definitely by now, especially after last night.

Is this normal for online dating? I think I just don't understand men

(I'm 32 and he's 29 if that's relevant - not kids)

Just highlighted a few things there that for me OP suggest that online dating just may not be your thing. You're already emotionally invested in this though you may not have realised it. Online dating shouldn't be this much work, and you really shouldn't have to be consciously checking yourself every time you say something.

It could be that perhaps he thinks too he may have pushed his luck with you last night and might think to give you some breathing space. Perhaps you could text or call him instead this evening? Ask did he get up to anything on his day off, would he like to meet up for lunch during the week, etc.

Basically you could wait too long and he may think you're not interested, the very same as you're thinking of him!


Really men and women aren't that different, you'll often see it on here male posters tip toeing around a girl, but you'll see it with girls too - tip toeing around a guy. If you're wondering why they haven't contacted you by now, the best thing to do is contact them! Then take your cues from there.

osarusan

Perhaps he's decided not to text you so as not to seem to be pressurizing you in any way. It's only been a matter of hours.

I honestly think that people spend waaaaaaay too much time analyzing texts/emails that have or haven't been sent.

m'lady

Have to say I agree with previous posters, texts/emails are over analysed and can cause problems that weren't there in the first place! He is possibly waiting on you to text him, perhaps he feels he's done all the initiating and wants to see if you can do same?

Just text him and see what happens, in the meantime STOP ANALYZING!

miamee

If he had a day off, he probably had plans. You've only been on two dates, he really doesn't 'owe' you daily contact even if it has been that way so far. Perhaps he's had a less busy than normal week/few weeks since you first started texting and had the time.

As others have said, maybe he was waiting to see if you would contact him after his proposal that you stay over, he migth think he has f***ed it all up by pushing things too fast.

(On an aside, if you want to ask the advice of people who have been there and done that, PM me for access to the Online Dating forum - it's a private forum. So long as you have been a member for 3 months and have 50 posts on your regular account, you're in )

tallaghtmick

He's probably a bit embarrassed about asking so early, that or as you said its his day off he is probably having a day to himself relaxing.

LegacyUser

Thanks all!

Yup, I'm a dope

I'm having a really busy time in work at the mo and he waited till after 5 to get in touch so as not to be disturbing me.......

I also agree I'm not suited to online dating.....AT ALL

Anyway, I'll see where this one goes - thanks for all the reality checks

You guys are great