Too nice apparently.

LegacyUser

Hi all, I met a girl online recently and we texted back and forth for a fortnight or so. Anyways we really hit it off or so I thought. Everything was going great we had gone on a few dates and I really liked her. Then I got the dreaded "we need to talk". I met up with her today and she told me I'm the type of guy that belongs in the friend zone. Apparently you shouldn't hold a door for a girl, pay for anything, say nice things, ask her how her day was or walk her to her car. So we're not meeting up anymore because I'm too nice but very manly at the same time. This annoys me because in my opinion it's not that I'm nice I think I'm just respectful towards woman and treat a lady as a lady should be treated. To make the whole lot worse she ended it with " would you like to be my new best friend" So ladies my question to all of you is how nice is too nice?

Typer Monkey

Women aren't of a hive mind you know. You should view this as a case of that ONE particular woman wasn't interested in perusing a relationship with you. You weren't suited and you didn't 'click'.

She may just have been rattling off some nonsence as to why she wasn't interested in you romantically. I don't know why people feel compelled to give reasons other than 'you're just not what I'm looking for'. Maybe they think they're softening the blow in some way but really it's just mean as they're making it about what they perceive is wrong with you.

Maybe she does find manners and consideration a turn off. If so that's really her issue. Different strokes for different folks.

Just continue to be who you are (I'm assuming you are innately mannerly and considerate and not just putting on an act) and you'll meet someone who is impressed by the real you and who you click with.

LegacyUser

There's no such thing as too nice.

She gave you the polite brush off, but wants to retain a friendship with you because you're a good person, but she does not feel the famous 'spark' with you.

She probably worded it badly though. There is no 'type of guy' that belongs in the friend zone. One woman's friend zone-guy is another woman's dream man.

Don't stop being nice, but - and not saying this is you, it's just a common one - be sure to differentiate between being nice and being a doormat.

Virgil°

Most likely OP, she went on a few dates with you, decided she wasn't sexually attracted to you and then called it off.

Either that or you were acting like a doormat and she found it unnatractive. I don't know though so I'm just giving you the possibilities as i see them.

I'd be very surprised if she called it off for holding the odd door open.
Usually when a girl says "too nice" it means. Nice guy but I wouldn't fall into bed with him.

Don't become discouraged or bitter. Just make sure you're not letting yourself get walked on then try again with the next girl.

Meller

It's not a problem with being too nice. She probably just wasn't that into it.

It might be the case that women feel you're not being genuine? I think that's often what 'too nice' means. Some guys are overly nice to girls they like (and visa versa), which is definitely off-putting and just boring. Paying for stuff is nice, but don't go overboard and don't do it just because you want to get with her. Of course you should be a nice person, but also be sincere, honest and interesting! Don't be nice in place of being yourself.

I'd also be careful with the 'lady' stuff. Some girls may like it, I'd personally find it a bit annoying, patronising and over the top. Of course women deserve respect, so does everybody. You don't have to treat her like a woman, just like a person! It can just be alienating to feel like you're being treated differently, just get to know her like you would anybody else.

Matteroffact

Just be yourself and don't change for anyone. If she doesn't like you as you are then it is her loss. Plenty more fish in the sea.

maria34

She just didnt find you attractive and there was no chemistry. But she cant say that to your face that would be awkward.

She finds you great as a friend.

Dont change anything. You will find the right girl.

SterlingArcher

Hum I see were you are frustrated. You played the gentleman card and feel it blew up in your face. Can I ask were you truly being yourself? Or an image of what you thought she wanted you to be. (oh I held doors for her boo hoo)
A lot of girls do appreciate holding doors for them etc, but it helps when the guy doing it is giving a Ryan gosling smoldering look.

Most women are experts at seeing fake. Not the physical fake hell most of them are fake as in eyelashes ,hair, make up but actual fake . They have dealings with it on a daily basis with other bitchy girls fake smiles or unsults from mean girls.

So when I say be yourself I mean be yourself. Tell it like it is (unless that like it is goes something along the lines of you sometimes have dreams that you are god and can go about the streets mating with your creations as you see fit) maybe keep them type of hilarious comments between you and your football friends.
Don't agree with something she likes or has said to be agreeable it is lame. And If you still don't feel you are getting along don't still see her just for the sake of seeing someone then wonder how it all went wrong.oh and don't be needy. Nobody finds this attractive.

wallycharlo

Bad Luck OP.

Sounds like you just didn't twist her melon so to speak, but she didn't have the courage to be straight with you, so took the cowardly option of playing the 'too nice' card.

Take the high moral ground and keep the head up, she may not have been worth it anyway if she's not the type to come clean with you.

Fabric Softener

Toonice1234 wrote: »

Hi all, I met a girl online recently and we texted back and forth for a fortnight or so. Anyways we really hit it off or so I thought. Everything was going great we had gone on a few dates and I really liked her. Then I got the dreaded "we need to talk". I met up with her today and she told me I'm the type of guy that belongs in the friend zone. Apparently you shouldn't hold a door for a girl, pay for anything, say nice things, ask her how her day was or walk her to her car. So we're not meeting up anymore because I'm too nice but very manly at the same time. This annoys me because in my opinion it's not that I'm nice I think I'm just respectful towards woman and treat a lady as a lady should be treated. To make the whole lot worse she ended it with " would you like to be my new best friend" So ladies my question to all of you is how nice is too nice?

I'd hazard a guess you didn't display sexuality and masculinity. You need to view yourself as the prize, what can she do to prove she deserves you. You need to know how to take charge and be decisive. In simple terms, you need to be cooler than her.

You need to have personal boundaries that you don't let people cross.

thegreatgonzo

dicey_riley wrote: »

your probabley ( like myself ) an average looking guy , good looking guys can be both inconsiderate or pain in the ass polite ( pulling out chairs , opening doors etc ) and women will still swoon

average guys have to get it just right , that she said you " are too nice " only proves one thing , this girl was pretty unoriginal when it comes to delivering news

I think his looks were probably irrelevant. A good looking man isn't necessarily an attractive man to a woman.
It's a pity she used that terrible cliché but it sounds like she just didn't feel any sexual chemistry between you. Just be yourself not what you think someone wants you to be

LegacyUser

Toonice1234 wrote: »

Hi all, I met a girl online recently and we texted back and forth for a fortnight or so. Anyways we really hit it off or so I thought. Everything was going great we had gone on a few dates and I really liked her. Then I got the dreaded "we need to talk". I met up with her today and she told me I'm the type of guy that belongs in the friend zone. Apparently you shouldn't hold a door for a girl, pay for anything, say nice things, ask her how her day was or walk her to her car. So we're not meeting up anymore because I'm too nice but very manly at the same time. This annoys me because in my opinion it's not that I'm nice I think I'm just respectful towards woman and treat a lady as a lady should be treated. To make the whole lot worse she ended it with " would you like to be my new best friend" So ladies my question to all of you is how nice is too nice?

She was just too chicken to tell you that she didn't fancy you. All that 'too nice' stuff is just a way of trying to let you down gently.

I'd be a bit wary of the 'treat a lady as a lady should be treated' though - be nice to her because she's a person, not because you think she's a fragile little woman - lots of women find that quite off-putting, we are people with minds of our own too you know!

heretochat

Different strokes for different folks OP. This lady wasn't in to you after going out with you a couple of times. And she was at least nice enough to you by bowing out giving you a compliment.

I would not change your nature one little bit. Plenty of women like to be spoilt and you sound like you have a good nature about you and are respectful.

There is one out there for you don't worry.

deise08

Sorry to hear that op. please don't be discouraged and don't ever change who you are. God knows there's enough gobs..tes out there and I've met my fair share. some day you'll meet someone who appreciates you for being you.

LegacyUser

hi OP.

It seems this girl did like you however maybe she didn't feel that ''spark''. I have been on dates with guys and have really liked them, but if full blown chemistry is not there I am wasting my time and his. With one guy I tried a few dates willing it but it didn't happen :-(

You sound like an absolute gentleman any girl that you meet will be lucky to have some one so kind and caring. Yes some girls go for the bad a$$'s however they will grow tired of this. I used to go for jerks but now some one simply can not be ''too nice'' :-)

Sometimes dating online can have too much expectations IMO. I think chemistry is a complicated yet wonderful thing yet I have found it a few times now :-)

Brush it off, get yourself out there and meet another girl, no point in wasting time on someone that thinks your ''too nice''..... wtf.....when you think about it , it does not make sense

Asbury Park

Hi OP,
People seem to come up with all kinds of excuses as a way of avoiding saying 'I'm just not into you.' I know this mightn't make much sense on one level, but the best thing to do is not to take it personally (difficult I know) and move on to find someone who wants to be with you. Best of luck

ShaShaBear

To be honest OP, any woman who tells you that you're too nice to date but then asks you to be her new best friend is a girl that found a nicer-looking (to them), badder boy on the same online dating website and is keeping you on the back burner while she pursues him first.

I'd believe that she were chickening out if she didn't ask to be "best friends", as most girls know right well that friendships can't work when one person has invested romantic feelings toward the other. She asked you to be best friends because she has probably established that you have these feelings.

Ave Sodalis

Hi OP,
I have to go slightly against other posters here and say that it is possible to be too nice, if you go by what I would consider to be too nice.
I've never used "too nice" as a reason before but what I would consider to be too nice is the forced niceness you see a lot. People that are only being overly nice to be noticed and rewarded for it, instead of it just being who they are.
For example, if someone were to open a door for me, let me through and say nothing more about it, then I would consider that a nice person. However, if someone were to make a big show of opening the door for me and expects me to make a show of gratitude, then I would consider that too nice.
I don't know if that makes sense but it's basically if someone is a genuinely nice person, they just do nice things and that's that. Someone who (to me) is too nice, does nice things and expects a pat on the head for it every time, as such. I find that many of the "nice" guy are the latter and finding someone who is genuinely a nice person is the difficult thing.
Maybe that's what happened here? I'm not saying it is, it's just food for thought

Atletico56

OP the problem here is your character, your sound like a person with no balls and someone who walks on egg shells for fear of offending a woman. Be yourself, you need to learn to out your needs first and not care what other people think of you.

czechlin

I don't think that you being too nice was the issue. I'd say she just wasn't into it and gave this crappy speech. Move on, you deserve better. And please, do not change your manners just because of this. Like stated above women aren't of a hive mind. You sound like a gentleman and there are women, who appreciate that! A lot

December2012

You were being let down gently