Completely lost my way in life.

LegacyUser

Hi guy's. Even now as I write this, I'm trying not to cry and feel sick with myself.
I'm a 23 year old student, really good grades, a lot going for me, but I'm crumbling and I dont know what to do.

when I came to college first. I was fairly innocent, I was young enough, only 17, never really had any previous relationships, was shy. I went out, had a good time, good friends. At the end of my first year of college I met a guy and we started going out. It was fine. didn't last very long, but that's ok. it was a first relationship. A while later I got together with a friend of my friend. I fell for him. He was my first. He ended it after a few months completely out of the blue and I was distraught. So hurt. I went kind of mad. Going out, drinking, crying afterwards, meeting guys. I met this one guy months later who I actually fell in love with. But he was the opposite of what my ex was like. we slept together very early on, he was very bitter about things, chip on his shoulder type of guy. He would text me after nights out to come over. And shamefully I did. We would sleep together, then I might not see him for a while, he would text again, same pattern ect. Im so embarassed when I say this went on for over 3 years. it was an emotionally draining experience, I wanted to have a proper relationship and he didnt. it would end, and he would keep coming back going. I SHOULD have ended it, but I also gave in, so I have to take responsibility for that one.

Fast forward later, and I pulled the plug on it after a massive argument. he is now seeing someone. Immediately afterwards my behaviour has gotten terrible. when I go out, Im drinking way too much, and going home with guys. Im shaking with tears right now, its not me at all. It was never me, but I seem to have started this behaviour and the next day I feel so terrible. firstly I know the alcohol is a factor, I have to cut that out, but Im so upset to why I get like this when I have drinks in. I literarly crave sex when I am drunk. and the next day I feel so bad. now its not huge figures, its only been a handful of people but if I got talking to a guy I would have no problem going home with him and sleeping with him. But I do have a problem with it. I hate it. I absolutely hate it and Im so upset and scared for myself. I feel so empty afterwards. Please give me some advice. feeling so low right now and worthless.

LegacyUser

Any advice at all, guys. Really appreciate it.

Balaclava1991

First of all stop drinking and go talk to a doctor or a priest or anybody who will listen and just unload about your sadness and unhappiness.
If you have an addiction then get it sorted.
No excuses.
After you have cried yourself dry set some ground rules.
You are looking for Mr. Right - a person who loves you and respects you and is committed to you and you will accept no substitutes.
What do you want in life for yourself?
You want a job and you want to build a career don't you? Get the head down and study and work your behind off! If you have to emigrate then emigrate and leave your past behind you and face the world again as a wiser stronger you.
I presume you eventually want a home, a husband and children?
One day you are going to die and you have only one life to live.
Don't waste anymore time.
That will not happen if you don't stop the self pity and excuses and take responsibility.
You are responsible to you and you set your standards and you stick to them through thick and thin.
Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Just out of curiosity, were you out last night (the night before you you wrote this?)
And did you drink a lot?

Sounds to me like you're suffering "the fear".

All that crap your going on about ex's is kind of irrelevant to the whole thing. It's almost like your looking for an excuse...

Just relax, stop kicking yourself . As you said it's only a handful of people at the moment

Cut down on the drink to the point where you can control yourself. If you can't do that. Give it up altogether...

Good luck

FLOWERS1

Dear op just want to say your young and that lots of people go out and do the exact same thing, so don't give yourself such a hard time but as you mentioned in your post that your " feeling so low right now and worthless"
So I'm going to be honest You say after your relationship with your friend ended outta the blue you were "hurt and went a little mad drinking and so forth" this could well be the beginning of your low self worth
and then you massively reinforced this low self worth with the bootycaller guy, a very damaging arrangement, it sounds as though your trying to validate / comfort yourself through this self destructive pattern of drinking and sleeping with randomers, again reinforcing this negative self worth

Firstly I would suggest talking to a CBT counsellor to discuss your low self worth and so learn to appreciate yourself and also this might sound a bit weird but For your own sake I would consciously focus and work on something that your good at or enjoy doing or set some kind of goal and achieve it - try to validate yourself in a positive way - learn to appreciate yourself through something positive
You've been to college so obviously your intelligent and probably capable of all sorts, don't put yourself down you have a lot going for you

I hope this helps

LegacyUser

FLOWERS1 wrote: »

Dear op just want to say your young and that lots of people go out and do the exact same thing, so don't give yourself such a hard time but as you mentioned in your post that your " feeling so low right now and worthless"
So I'm going to be honest You say after your relationship with your friend ended outta the blue you were "hurt and went a little mad drinking and so forth" this could well be the beginning of your low self worth
and then you massively reinforced this low self worth with the bootycaller guy, a very damaging arrangement, it sounds as though your trying to validate / comfort yourself through this self destructive pattern of drinking and sleeping with randomers, again reinforcing this negative self worth

Firstly I would suggest talking to a CBT counsellor to discuss your low self worth and so learn to appreciate yourself and also this might sound a bit weird but For your own sake I would consciously focus and work on something that your good at or enjoy doing or set some kind of goal and achieve it - try to validate yourself in a positive way - learn to appreciate yourself through something positive
You've been to college so obviously your intelligent and probably capable of all sorts, don't put yourself down you have a lot going for you

I hope this helps

OP here, thank you it really does. I have a really good job, currently doing a postgrad as I wanted to , but my career is pretty much set up. So you are right, I am good at a lot of things, but my self worth is something I have struggled with. thank you, I really appreciate the post.

emmabrighton

Hey OP,

I agree with much of what has being said.

It really does sound like you have a case of "the fear". Knock drinking on the head for a while. Thats probably the last thing you want to hear but its the fastest way to get your head back in order. You are going out, getting drunk and hopping in the sack with whoever because your inhibitions have been lowered after a few drinks. You stop drinking, there is no way you will do this. You will start feeling better about yourself. You will feel you deserve more than the guys your are picking up in bars and clubs and parties. You will meet someone special and all the heartbreak from mr bootycall and the dredded ex will slowly be forgotten.

First thing first, stop drinking...

Look, many of us have been there, done that... A woman told me several years ago that if she knew that I was going to go through what she went through, she would cry for me. Lo and behold, a few years later... I went down the same path. I am sorry I didnt listen to her...

So I am telling you now, stop drinking and find a way to live and be happy with yourself...

Queen-Mise

goingdownthewrongpath wrote: »

I literarly crave sex when I am drunk. and the next day I feel so bad. now its not huge figures, its only been a handful of people but if I got talking to a guy I would have no problem going home with him and sleeping with him. But I do have a problem with it. I hate it. I absolutely hate it and Im so upset and scared for myself. I feel so empty afterwards. Please give me some advice. feeling so low right now and worthless.

The part I bolded is the really concerning part. Sexual promiscuity can be symptom/result of certain things.

Talk to a professional - all the other feelings of worthlessness, feeling low, etc., are all coming from the first.

sugarman77

. you need to humble your mind , your fine , your normal , your ok . stop looking to fill voids in your life with what you think you should have and start excepting what you have if that means **** all. your expecting externalisms or materialisms to make you at peace , but the internal you is weak and scared. This is because you don't know what to do , but that doesn't mean you cant do what you will do. relax spend sometime with your own thoughts and be honest with yourself no matter how much it scares you and take it from there. you don't need a doctor or a priest or anyone else , just believe in yourself and start listen to your gut and acting on it. Don't expect anything from anyone , you came in this world alone and you leave alone. try too get to know yourself while you can .

ivytwine

I have been there OP and the only thing that helped me was going to the college counsellor (who was a great person and a great help) and cutting out the drink. It's a depressant and it does not help.

After a while I started to drink very moderately and I have kept it up. Only once or twice in my MA year did I have a messy messy night and that was down to a situation I had been dragging around since my undergrad. Once that was over- poof- the mess disappeared!

I've been where you are OP and you can get through it x

TwoGallants

Queen-Mise wrote: »

The part I bolded is the really concerning part. Sexual promiscuity can be symptom/result of certain things.

OR a natural human need/desire suppressed by a conservative society.

Sex isn't the problem here, the OP can sleep with as many men as she wants (for some reason promiscuity is fine and encouraged for men but frowned upon for women). Her self esteem is the issue.