Husband says he will kill himself

eatprayblahhh

After many many years of a marriage that has torn me to pieces and several grown up children, I cant take it any more.
I have told my husband I want out. His reply .... He will kill himself.
We live with the children coming home every now and then, from work, college etc.
Im scared he will do something stupid, but also cant bear to live like this any longer.
I fell like I have to fix him to be able to move on, but that cold send me into a downward spiral. I am SO sad and exhausted with this.

LegacyUser

You sound worn out. And not just from your husband's recent announcement. It sounds like you've being going through years of hardship. I would advise you to get professional help for your husband if possible, and a shoulder/listening ear for yourself. Is there anyone you can talk to about your situation?

Virgil°

9 times out of 10, Its an empty threat designed to guilt you into staying.

Even if it were true, its not your job to "fix" him or maintain his wellbeing.

I'd just go ahead with your plan on leaving and if he tries to pull this card out again then contact his family with your concerns and advise him to go to counselling. That's all you can do really.

TwoShedsJackson

It's emotional blackmail of the worst sort, don't give in to it.

You don't have to fix him to move on, and you probably never would be able to fix him at this stage. I would leave anyway, and if he feels that's worth killing himself over, well, he is a grown man and can make his own decisions.

I know that sounds harsh but you cannot let your life be controlled by the threats of another.

eatprayblahhh

His family would be of no help and would only make the matter worse.
I know its emotional blackmail, I think just typing it here made me realise how pathetic he is being. i know he isnt well, but the verbal abuse he is able to dish out ... well that leaves me sick to the stomach.
Im terrified of what would happen if I just walk out. Ive been protecting my children for so long from his mental state, but they do have some understanding.
Even this helps because the loneliness that all this has caused is a killer ....

username123

Listen, you are actually preventing him from helping himself by staying. Go. If he kills himself or he doesn't, your actions won't change that. Even if you staying meant he wouldn't, what life is that for you? You can't be someone else's life support machine. Nothing changes as long as you stay, things can begin to repair if you go.

And if your kids are old enough to be in work or college, they already know, and probably wish you would leave.

loalae

Would you consider getting a mental health professional involved? Could you tell your concerns to a GP? Or better yet, a social worker in a primary care unit? All should be equipped to support you (and him).

You've already decided that you want to leave him and there's no reason you should have to stay with him if you're not happy. If the only thing stopping you walking out is the concern that he may harm himself - include someone who can help with that. If it's the fear of what people might say, well f**k them - it's your life and your happiness at stake.

Chara1001

You poor thing op, i'm sorry that you're going through this.
You want to leave, and my honest opinion is that if you need to, you must. Its terrible emotional blackmail, but maybe you could relay your concerns to a mental health professional, they'd be better off advising you.
Don't stay for this reason, you're only going to be trapped

Abigayle

eatprayblahhh wrote: »

I have told my husband I want out. His reply .... He will kill himself.

Heard that one for years myself; We're about 4 years living apart, marriage dead several years before - but he's alive and well. And bitter and abusive as always.

eatprayblahhh wrote: »

Ive been protecting my children for so long from his mental state, but they do have some understanding. ....

If you moved out, would they come stay with you after work / college? I suggest that they do if possible. Sounds like they'd be made piggy in the middle by your husband to try guilt you into coming back.

You need to leave. Women that don't leave or end things think they're protecting the children; when in fact staying is likely to be causing problems for them with so much toxicity in the air.

Go go go OP..

freshpopcorn

This is my opinion.(Just being honest)
I have heard a good few people saying that they would kill themselves if somebody did something that would effect them. Normally these are empty threats/only trying to guilty the person.
I also experienced a situation when a women left her husband.(Children in college/working). The husband threatened to kill himself and he actually did a couple of weeks later. Some of the women's children/people in the town did turn of her because they did not help the man out in his hour of need. So the family did fall apart totally and she regretted not telling the children that she was unhappy in the marriage and about when her husband said when she left him. She also said that she didn't have a go at going to marriage counselling to see would it work.
If your think marriage counselling might work give it a go.
If your sure you want to leave, Leave but try and let people/your kids now about his treats and a lot of people would see that he's really trying to guilt you.
Good luck.

kylith

He says that he will kill himself if you leave. Tell him that you'll kill yourself if you stay, then leave. You are not responsible for what he does.

December2012

A roundabout way to introduce mental health professional is for you both to go to a relationship counsellor to talk about yourselves and your relationship.

It may be a threat that's empty or it may be a cry for help.

Either way you will still be in each other's lives for the rest of your life, however long that is.

So go talk to a relationship counsellor to start to ease some of the tension.

LegacyUser

This man will not go to relationship counselling. Your are miserable and unhappy and he knows this. He has realised that if he tells you I will kill myself that you will stay.
Perhaps he knows as well that you are entitled to half of everything you both own and he does not want to lose the lifestyle he currently has.

I would gather up all your financial information. You need to get bank statements and information on the following if you have them - savings, investments, pension, savings certs, prize bond ect and bring these with you when getting legal advice.

In the past would have paid his tax ect? One woman I know was splitting up from her husband and he was not willing to treat her fairly. She told him well it's me or the tax man and suddenly she got what she wanted.

I would tell the older children what is happening when he is not around. Let them know what he said to you about leaving. I am sure they know what he is like and want you to be happy.
The next time he tells you that he will kill himself if you leave I would tell him that's great me and the children will get everything you own.

You need to remember that you are entitled to your own life with some happiness in it.