alone and worried

LegacyUser

Hi all
im living away from home with my boyfriend in a big city in another country! We have a lease on a house and cannot get out of it until the middle of next year.

I truely love the boy but last night he went out and when he came home drunk he was really awful to me. Calling me names and saying he had cheated on me. He got me really upset and stupidly I hit him and walked out of that room to our bedroom ten mins later he came storming in and hit me on the face. I could have dealt with that I probably deserved it but then he punched me 4 times on the arm, put his hands around my throat, spat at me, punched the wall twice and threw my stuff around the room telling me to get out. Except ive nowhere to go.

This morning he came in and said sorry but he said that I provoked him which is true I did hit him first but I dont think I deserved what I got. I have some big bruises on my arm but thay doesnt tell much cos as he pointed out I bruise easily.

I dont even know what im asking. I cant afford to rent on my own, I dont want to tell anyone, maybe I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sorry

LegacyUser

OP first of all, you poor thing that is absolutely awful to read and sending you a big virtual hug..

You did not provoke him, do not for one second blame yourself in this. He was the one who got pissed and was then aggressive. Hitting him just made him even more aggressive and I'm sure it was a heat of the moment thing.

The absolute gall of him to spit at you and then to hit you? Drink is the devil, it can bring out a really horrible side of people but that is still no excuse! Is that how he's going to carry on every time he drinks too much?

Has he ever behaved in this way before?

Can you not book a flight home to have a bit of a break for yourself? Are you far from home? Would you not have the funds for flight? I understand you have a lease but maybe a little break from him would give him a kick up the hole and a reality check about how his behaviour is not going to be accepted.

Do you have any friends over there you could stay with for a while?

Chara1001

Oh my god op, you need to get OUT! NOW!

Don't tell him anything, but find a flat or house share, forget about the lease and under NO circumstances consider staying till its up. Forget about your deposit also- just go. This was a horrible destructive physical fight you both had and he has told you that he hit you in response to your provocation, so he has justified himself. This is going to happen again, you can be 100% sure on that. Obviously you should never have hit him, and it sounds like his response was extreme. You've both set the precedent here- you physically fight.

Consider this relationship over and do tell someone, you need support right now. Wherever you are, there will be an equivalent to 'Women's Aid'. Call them

R.D. aka MR.D

Please leave. I know that it's scary being in a different country and feeling like you have no other option. You have to get out. Do you have a friend there that you can stay with or do you have enough saved to stay at a hostel for a few weeks while you figure things out?

Boombastic

away from home wrote: »

....
..... probably deserved it but then he punched me 4 times on the arm, put his hands around my throat, spat at me, punched the wall twice and threw my stuff around the room telling me to get out. Except ive nowhere to go.

This morning he came in and said sorry but he said that I provoked him .... cos as he pointed out I bruise easily.

.......

get out, this relationship is toxic and will only go from bad to worse

Abigayle

away from home wrote: »

Hi all
im living away from home with my boyfriend in a big city in another country! We have a lease on a house and cannot get out of it until the middle of next year.

I truely love the boy but last night he went out and when he came home drunk he was really awful to me. Calling me names and saying he had cheated on me. He got me really upset and stupidly I hit him and walked out of that room to our bedroom ten mins later he came storming in and hit me on the face. I could have dealt with that I probably deserved it but then he punched me 4 times on the arm, put his hands around my throat, spat at me, punched the wall twice and threw my stuff around the room telling me to get out. Except ive nowhere to go.

This morning he came in and said sorry but he said that I provoked him which is true I did hit him first but I dont think I deserved what I got. I have some big bruises on my arm but thay doesnt tell much cos as he pointed out I bruise easily.

I dont even know what im asking. I cant afford to rent on my own, I dont want to tell anyone, maybe I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sorry

Did you provoke him to come back drunk, abusive and make him cheat? Things happened before the violence began, which would have been more than enough for me to leave with a rocket under my arse.

You hit him, that was wrong. What he did reinforces the reason you need to leave.

Excuse my language, but fück the lease. Buy a plane ticket and go home. If you're afraid of him, leave when you know he will be out for hours.

If you don't leave him you will regret this for the rest of your life, because this shït may become the norm. Prepare yourself for all the sorries and I love you's the day after; until the words have lost all meaning.

Go home where you will be safe, please.

dellas1979

Oh OP...Id say you are in shock...think this through.

If you leave the house/lease, at most youll loose your deposit.

If you stay, youve alot more to loose, mentally and physically.

Hes already allocated all the blame on you, to save his own skin. Thats what cowards and bullies do.

Please get out/come home.

FLOWERS1

It sounds like he was the first one to provoke an argument by coming home drunk and saying he's cheated (pushing your buttons) and then later blaming you for provoking him ??? This is a type of mental abuse and there's physical violent abuse also

This is an extremely toxic relationship, I hope you get the support you need from either family or friends as this kind of relationship can do strange things to your head, Like saying because you hit him, you asked for it??? and like its not his fault that your bruised as you bruise easily???

I agree with many of the posters here that you need to get some distance from this man so you can gain a better perspective of your relationship

Find a way to Go Home and surround yourself with the support of your friends and family

I really wish you well, hope you seek support and make the right decision

Sittingpretty

Leave, now, don't look back.

foxinsox

You have to leave.
Please do.

Book a flight now.
Please mind yourself.

sReq | uTeK

This is only the start this guy will do it again but it will only get worse

I dont mean to be blunt but if you stay any longer you are a fool

Chara1001

Op, I hope you're ok?

heretochat

If he hit you once (regardless of being drunk, provoked etc.) and you do not leave, he will do it again, and again... And it will escalate..

You need to get out now...

By the way I don't approve of you hitting him either...

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Hope your ok op but you really need to get out of there as soon as you can. Can a friend at home help you out?

Also please please be really careful with how you view your partner. You say you provoked him and you hit him first. Granted you probably shouldn't have but that gives him no right to physically assault you. And you especially shouldn't justify it for him. This is an unfortunately common occurrence in an abusive relationship. You need to get out now.

I wish you all the best and appreciate that your situation is extremely difficult.

ladygirl

Get out now OP and never look back.....