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Why am I driving myself mad?

  • 23-11-2013 12:26am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm not too sure if this is entirely a relationship issue but anyway..

    I've split up from my girlfriend,bear in mind it was my decision to do so (quite an amiable break-up) and had been in a relationship with her for 5 years.

    To cut to the chase,i'm back on the scene but not entirely looking hard,if a girl comes she comes,if not then i can wait. I was her first (i know this) and i think this may be where all of this is coming from. Lately i just can't seem to get my mind off the idea of girls having other partners, it sounds crazy, i know its crazy and i'm being crazy but i just can't seem to get it off my mind it when i'm talking to girls i'm attracted to,and it's driving me mad.I feel like telling myself to shut up thinking all of the time, but of course it's still there.

    It's totally unreasonable for me to be thinking this way,i'm not a possessive person AT ALL and it's so strange how this is happening due to that.It's like i'm a completely different person when it comes to women.For example in the current state of mind i'm in, i couldn't bear to be in a relationship thinking of past partners,and it's scaring the living shit out of me.It's like i'm over thinking and just can't seem to stop.

    Maybe it's because i have been out of the "dating" and "casual" scene in the age group where i should have been and have missed out on the casual attitude that surrounds sex for people my age (early-mid twenties), or maybe it's because i've disconnected myself so much from other women for so long that i just have a higher esteem for them.

    I really am not sure how to shake this,it's so out of character for me that it feels alien,so much so that it's totally putting me off the idea of dating again.It's a horrible attitude to have and it's destroying me knowing this.

    What on earth do i do?


Comments

  • #2
    loalae
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 547 ✭✭✭loalae


    Give yourself a break, OP!


    Try to focus on building friendships - both with men and women.


  • #3
    Boombastic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,496 ✭✭✭Boombastic


    you've had a past partner, how do you justify this to yourself if you can't justify girls having a past. Double standards at play here


  • #4
    Abigayle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 108 ✭✭Abigayle


    Crapbuzz wrote: »
    I'm not too sure if this is entirely a relationship issue but anyway..

    I've split up from my girlfriend,bear in mind it was my decision to do so (quite an amiable break-up) and had been in a relationship with her for 5 years.
    Amicable or not, she was still part of your routine and daily life for 5 years. You're not just going to get her out of mind and memory by moving on as quickly as you have. You need to get back into the routine of being single again, going out with your friends, generally getting used to being you on your own again.

    I understand you're saying that theres nothing to 'get over' if it was amicable, but you do. You're not going mad, you're just expecting to much of yourself. See how you feel in a few months time.


  • #5
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,130 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    You've just left a long term relationship, not a month long fling, it takes time to put the past behind you. Give yourself time to reconnect with yourself as an individual before forcing yourself into being ready to be with someone else.

    You might find when your ready to move on you wont have the same hangups about women's pasts as you do at the moment. Like an above poster said, you are not a blank slate yourself anymore. You've had your first big relationship end, you are a different person now than you were when you started going out with your last girlfriend. You have to respect the pasts of the women you meet as they will have to respect yours.


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