Parents trying to get access to my child via the courts

LegacyUser

Hi my mother and father just sent me a court order to get access to my 9 month old. We fell out a while ago they keep saying awful hurtful untrue things about my husband and his family.I was hoping they would stop and come to their senses. I'm worried about my baby and don't want him being effected by their behavior which can be aggressive at Times my dad wasn't great when I was growing up. Does any one know the maximum time judges usually grant to grandparents.

Neyite

Hi Worried Mum,

I've given you your own thread so you can get advice particular to your situation. We cant give legal advice on the forum.

Gatling

worried mum wrote: »

Hi my mother and father just sent me a court order to get access to my 9 month old. We fell out a while ago they keep saying awful hurtful untrue things about my husband and his family.I was hoping they would stop and come to their senses. I'm worried about my baby and don't want him being effected by their behavior which can be aggressive at Times my dad wasn't great when I was growing up. Does any one know the maximum time judges usually grant to grandparents.

Going through similar or the threat of similar ourselves ,
See blow for some info

Access for grandparents
Where a grandparent is not getting access to her/his grandchild s/he may apply to the local District Court for access to the child. There are two parts to this process:

The first application is applying for leave to apply for access which is asking for the court's permission to apply for access. The court, in arriving at a decision at this stage, must always have regard to:

the applicant's connection with the child
the risk, if any, of the application disrupting the child's life to the extent that the child would be harmed by the access, and
the wishes of the child's guardian(s).
If the first stage is successful then the person can apply for access.

http://www.treoir.ie/target-grandparents.php

Boombastic

think long & hard about what you are about to do. You fell out with your parents, your dad wasn't great with you, but people are different with grandkids, than their own children. What has your child done to deserve getting his grandparents removed from his life? To be honest, and this might sound harsh, bit you are using your child as a weapon in this dispute, and the only person you will end up hurting is you child. You don't mention any danger your child may be in, so I presume there is none.

Big Bag of Chips

I think that's a very simplistic response Boombastic. Our children are the most precious thing in the world to us - If we don't trust someone, we are hardly likely to be too happy to leave our children in their care. If my family thought nothing of badmouthing my child's father and his family I wouldn't want him to be around them, for fear he would hear it.

OP - I don't think there is any hard and fast rule for what a judge grants. I know of one woman, I remember reading her story on another forum, who had terrible trouble with her mother. Both her and her sister were estranged from her for many years. She applied for and was granted over night access (unsupervised) to her grandchild. The mother was distraught - but was unable to do anything about it. And the child was coming back after every visitation asking awkward "Why does Nanny say XXX about you/aunty?", "Me and nanny slept in the same bed last night, and she told me not to tell you" (A child sharing a bed with their grandparent isn't the end of the world obviously - but encouraging a child to keep such a secret from their parent, could potentially be very damaging)

I don't know if she ever appealed it, or tried to stop it - but it went on for quite a while - and the judge, in her case, seemed more sympathetic to the granny than the mother.

MelanieD

I remember reading that story on another forum years ago. It was disgraceful that the judge would allow a woman who was abusive to her own children access to the grandchild.

Get a good family solicitor and fingers crossed the judge will be reasonable.

Ms. Pingui

I have a threat of something similar from my ex's parents, who are nasty people and a terrible influence.
What I do, is bring my daughter to spend 2 hours a month with them in a neutral location under my supervision. No more, no less.
Once you are not entirely blocking access then there is very little they can do about it.
Good luck!

Ann84

This Child has every right to have a relationship with its grandparents. You mightnt get on with them, but your child may have a valuable relationship. They are its family, I can't believe they have to go to court to see their grandchild, and yet they still are!
They clearly want a relationship with you child, their grandchild and I just think it's sad that this has to go to court. But family courts are there to look out for the rights of the child, in an unbiased fashion and unless your parents are an actual threat to your child, I cannot see how they wouldn't get a chance to build a relationship with their grandchild.

Do you honestly think your child will thank you later in life for not knowing his/ her grandparents?? Knowing that they tried to see him/her and you stopped them because you didn't like them?! Really?

I think you are very blinkered by your opinions, which you are entitled to, but it's not your family relationships, it's your child's. And I am a parent, and my child has 50% Of a family I literally detest, but they are my daughter's family and she loves them, my opinion is irrelevant (unless obviously I felt they were physically hurting her, which they wouldn't)

It is very hard, but you need to realise that doing what's best for your child, isn't always gonna suit your agenda. I think your child Is very lucky that they have grandparents interested enough to fight to see them.

Best of luck with it all, I know how difficult it is.

Jack B. Badd

Ann84 wrote: »

unless your parents are an actual threat to your child, I cannot see how they wouldn't get a chance to build a relationship with their grandchild.

What if they are a threat to the child's relationship with their parents? Which it sounds like they are if they're badmouthing the father to that extent. What about their damaging effect on the child's mental & emotional wellbeing?

Sweet_pea

Ann84 wrote: »

Do you honestly think your child will thank you later in life for not knowing his/ her grandparents?? Knowing that they tried to see him/her and you stopped them because you didn't like them?! Really?

I know I was kept away from a grandparent and now as an adult I can see exactly why. They would not have been abusive but they have been a damaging relationship for me to have. So I would have to be thankful I wasn't forced into a relationship with them.

It's hard to know looking in from the outside but I would think that if the OP is willing to go to court over this than it is something they feel is warranted and not just because she doesn't like them. If she asked them to stop badmouthing her partner and they didn't than IMO she has a right to stop access. It's her child not theirs and so she has the right to control what is said/done to her child.

Saying that as has been suggested by another poster, maybe see if you can do supervised access instead before going to court as it may help your case better.

mashedbanana

As already suggested, a good family law solicitor is what you need.

The family should have more cop on then to be bad mouthing your husband & his family. The child is 'his' child, making the child part of 'that family'. It's all very well & good for folks to be on the side of the grandparents suggesting that you should actively encourage a relationship with them.

But if they can't hold their tongue, then why should the child have to listen to how 'bad' his daddy is? and his daddy's family. Do ya not think this would hurt the child's feelings? Make the child feel inadequate to have a daddy like him? Make him eventually resent his daddy? ya, I agree someone has the blinkers on, not the op though!

We cut, my husbands parents out of our lives for 8 years. BEST MOVE EVER. She's a nasty piece of work with a big mouth too. Didn't have a clue how to wash/sterizlie bottles, hence all her kids were ill growing up. Would let the kids cry forever, and couldn't attend to them properly. She was incapable, simple as. Wouldn't watch them out playing, would get my 6 yr old (at the time) to mind his 3 yr old sister, where there was a pond in the backyard!!!! I was sick of hearing 'Ah shur, they'll be okayyyyyyyyyy'. Stupid woman.

I caught her out one night, trying to make up bottle not sterilzed, she admitted she wasn't sure how to work the sterilizer!!!!!!. After we telling her time & time again. The same night, we found her trying to give my daughter a cold bottle straight from the fridge, after we asking her to warm it first. The woman as to lazy to warm it up. ( My hubby had been rushed to hospital, she offered to take the baby for the night, i arrived at her house unexpectedly later that night) This and a million more other things. We added this to her insulting, know it all attitude, and felt it was best to cut them lose. simple as. They were a liability. She was a nasty MIL to boot! She wanted to be seen parading up and down the town 'the doting nana'. Didn't really care about taking care of the kids....

We allowed her back into our lives a couple of yrs ago, but my son who is taller then me now, remembers her quiet clearly, remembers her mouthing off to me. Remembers me crying, after yet another yelling at. Cos she didn't like my family. She couldn't get to them, so walked all over me. For a while...

She also threatened me with the courts, but she was only all talk. Tried to back me into a corner. I came out kicking.

OP, i dont doubt your judgement for one second, if you feel that it's best to keep you baby away from them, then I believe you. Only you truly know what you're dealing with. There is ALWAYS a reason that family gets cut out, no one does it just for the hell of it. Why some folk can't understand that, I'll never know. OP Please do get yoursef a good family law solicitor.

jdsk2006

I'm thinking bout your post since i read it yesterday. I think its truly awful that your faced with the prospect of leaving your treasure in the care of people you chose to keep a distance from. My heart goes out to you op. There are certain family members my husband and i feel the need to "monitor" as regards our children. Not cos we feel superior or look down on them, its just how it is! We have a clear map of how we would like to raise our kids and the attitudes we are instilling in them.....some people dont complement that- one in particular poses a purposful threat to that unfortunatly.
Its gone to shyte in a pot if a judge has the power to undermine a parent in a case like this. Id be planning my migration to australia in your shoes.

Shadylou

What an awful situation to be in, I've recently separated from my partner of 10 years due to issues with his family and while I allow them access to the kids( I have to as my ex is gone back living with them), my 8 year old daughter suddenly doesn't want to see them and I am worried that they could go to court to force her to stay with them on weekends, I'd rather just give her some space and let her meet them on a neutral venue to start with and go from there.
I'd hate to have to leave my child somewhere they won't be happy

jdsk2006

Is there any form of emotional/physical abuse in your childhood that could be a reason for the judge to throw out the case???