Do first relationships in your twenties last?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This is something that pops into my head every now and then, usually from something I'd read online; but usually the "general consensus" is NO.

Now, this kinda makes me think a bit and I can't help feel a bit sad and anxious in ways.

I'm 24 and in a relationship with a girl for the last two years (she's the same age). We were both late bloomers I guess and it is both our first proper relationship. We are both mature in our mindset however.

I can say for certain that the rose tinted glasses and puppy love element is long gone.

We haven't had the easiest two years together due to various reasons, we both endured the stress of final year in college (the year we met) and have also endured the infamous long distance relationship.

She was on the other side of the world away from me for 6 months shortly after we graduated. This was hard on both of us but we both wanted it to work. Using emails, text, Skype etc. we actually grew even closer. It is very hard work (ask anyone in a LDR) and a lot of communication and trust was needed but we have that.

After 6 months apart, I finished up on a job contract and decided to go across the world to her for her final 6 months abroad (it was a year exchange she was on). She worked but I couldn't.

After 4 months abroad I became depressed I guess due to the boredom while she worked, the isolation and my own mental health plummeting basically. She helped me the whole way though as she knew I was only there for her.

We are now both back home in Ireland and working towards moving in together next year. We both live at home in different parts of the country and I guess, we're still doing long distance technically but we make sure to see eachother every weekend and talk all week. When we are together we are completely happy and do random crazy fun stuff!

Right now we're trying to get somewhat solid jobs so as we can move out as said and not have to do long distance.

Despite the current rocky period in life, the trauma (not all bad though) of the LDR which we're slowly putting behind us and the "first love" aspect; we both genuinely love eachother and are finding our feet to plan a future together.

We have a very strong connection and love for eachother even though we find things tough sometimes. The best way to describe our relationship is "a loving/romantic relationship that has been hardened and weathered by life". We haven't got what we have easily but both have held on to our love and I really hope that in the new year we can finally just get on with our future together as opposed to being apart the whole time.

But, now back to my point, as much and all as we genuinely love eachother, is there something I don't know about that will ultimately "doom" our first relationship?

Again, I hope not as we have grown so much together in the the last tough two years and both definitely see a strong future together.

I'd just like some opinions and thoughts I guess to put my mind at ease

Thank you!

loalae

I'm not really sure what you're asking here! I don't think there's any way anyone here could definitively say whether or not there is something you don't know that will ultimately "doom" your relationship. You just have to take it as it comes and deal with issues as they arise.

Of course relationships that start in your early 20s can last.

As long as you and your girlfriend are on the same page, love each other, want the same thing from the relationship, and are willing to work together to keep the relationship going there's no reason why it couldn't work out.

You seem to be uneasy about the relationship but it's not clear what you're uneasy about or why.

Jellyhead

Most happily married couples I know met in their twenties and are still together, you grow together and are more adaptable, some people are lucky first time and others have to kiss a lot of frogs! If you have already ridden storms together and come through, then all the better a foundation I would think, no false expectations.. to me it sounds like a recipe for success! good luck in life!

beks101

I found your post a little odd, in that it flowed along articulately in this loving tone and radiated maturity as you described how deeply you care for this girl, how much you've been through etc...and then ended with this absurd, strange idea that you may be "doomed" because there's "something you don't know" about relationships. Where did you get this idea from?

You love her, right? And you don't begrudge the fact that it's your first relationship and if it persists, you will never have any other girlfriend but this one? Do you feel in some way that you might be "missing out" by spending your life with her and not trying out other women for size?

There's no template or formula for relationships, some break down unexpectedly and some endure no matter what stage of life both partners are in. Sometimes you grow apart, sometimes you grow closer together, such is life. No-one can reassure you that your relationship will last forever, all you can do is trust your feelings, live your life and let whatever happens, happen.

CaraMay

I think as long as you are on the same page about how your relationships will develop then you can make it work. It may not work if she wants kids in two years time and you want them in ten or not at all.

Most of my friends met their partners in their 30's as I did and I'm glad as I had really lived life before settling done but not everyone feels like that. If you have a good relationship don't wreck it just because of age

NeonCookies

Like some of the other posters, I'm not really too sure what the issue is here! But as my situation is a bit similar to yours, I thought I'd give some insight into my relationship and why I think it's been successful so far.

My relationship sounds a bit similar to yours in that we're early 20's (actually 19 and 20 when we got together), been together nearly 4 years, through college etc. and currently doing long distance. (So the same trials!) We love each other, and are planning a life together -and also still working on the whole secure job thing so we can finally move in together :-)

I think the most important thing when you're in a serious relationship this young, is to be flexible and allow each other to do the things you want/need to do. So no one feels they've missed out and regrets it or worse, resents the other person in the future! I had always wanted to travel, while for him it was never really high on the list. But, he came with me! We spent a year together abroad, and it meant we got to experience "life" and grow together. Just because you're in a serious relationship doesn't mean you have to "settle down" in the traditional sense. We still go out separately and together with friends, have crazy nights, make spontaneous decisions, girls/lads weekends, the works! The most important thing is to "grow up" together so you have that strong bond and neither one is left behind. I can't think of anything better than being able to reminisce with my husband about OUR early 20's and the craziness that came with them when we're 70!

The tough part of young relationships....Sometimes these things you want or need to do require being apart for a while, as is happening now for us. I'm abroad building up valuable career experience at the moment. My boyfriend couldn't come with me this time, but has supported me fully. In early careers sometimes these kinds of sacrifices need to be made to succeed later, especially the way jobs are in Ireland at the moment. If he hadn't supported me, it would have been a really tough decision between the man I loved, and the career I dream of. Thankfully he did. This goes both ways, as when I return next year, we may have to go the UK for his work. After being abroad for 2 years between traveling and this work experience, I really want to stay at home in Ireland for a year or two..but this time, it's my turn to sacrifice and go with him (long distance again won't be an option as I couldn't stand us being apart again! And the main thing for me is being together!)

Your relationship now sounds healthy and strong. Don't ruin it by overthinking something that doesn't even seem to be a problem for you! If it does become a problem...well then, cross that bridge when you come to it. But don't create a problem where there isn't one!

Charlene_92

OP, it doesn't matter if you're 20 or 60, in my opinion once you and your partner love each other unconditionally and want the same things, of course that relationship will work! Age is not a factor in the slightest sense. Why would it be? People in their 30's marry and divorce all the time! Just because you're each others first love doesn't mean you are "doomed". My sister and her now husband were each other's first love and were 19 and 20. 17 years in and they are still one of the happiest couples I know. In my opinion, having survived a LDR and to be still going strong is a big indicator that this is set up to succeed. So disregard your doubts regarding age and whatnot! If it's meant to be, it's going to be!

Meller

Like everything else, the more experience you have in something, the better at it you tend to be. That's why people say young relationships don't last. Young people are immature, inexperienced and still changing.

It really depends on you and your relationship. Some 21 year-olds are more mature than some 40 year-olds. A lot of people who say you're too young for your relationship to last don't know how to handle their own one yet either. I know plenty of older people who could do with being in a much better relationship.

You'll just have to learn to cope with the uncertainty, in life in general too. Nobody ever knows what's going to happen. It's not a matter of statistics, because everyone is different, and nobody knows your own personal situation. You may stay together, you may not. Just try make the best choices you can, doesn't matter what everybody else says or assumes.