Struggling since redundancy

Birdster

I'm struggling since redundancy in January, I think prior to that it was a difficult end to a long career in this company. Feeling more and more useless with nothing to do until your date came up. I went away for a couple of months after it to chill out and relax which I enjoyed but for the most part the stress of coming back to Ireland and facing reality was always hanging around.

I'm back since May, I'm mid-30's and struggling to get a job since. I'm losing my sharpness and feeling more useless by the day. I can't even take any pride in my achievements anymore. I think part of me thinks I'm just on holidays from my previous company and that I'll be going back shortly, probably because I worked there for so long.

I have lost my motivation and confidence completely and don't know how to get it back. I don't have much of a support network and since everyone knows someone in this position I don't want to bother anyone I know by talking about this to them.

If there is someone else that was in this position, please tell me how you pushed yourself out of it, how to get back to where you were. I feel like I'm slipping slowly into depression and I really can't afford for that to happen.

LadyBetty

Birdster I relate to so much of your post, trust me, you are not alone in this! So glad to see there are other people going through this tough time, thanks for being brave enough to post.

I am also mid-30s and was also made redundant (February), I am still out of work and keep thinking back to the job I was in. After a couple of years in a job it is emotionally tough to leave due to circumstances beyond your control, I felt very hurt. The uncertainty of what lay ahead caused many sleepless nights. I am usually a strong person but tears were shed, it all felt so unfair, after working hard for years in this company, enjoying it, getting on well with everyone and having a good track record *boom* you're gone, thrown out into the jaws of the recession. A number of roles were outsourced to a foreign country so I wasn't the only person who left, but many of my former colleagues are still working there and I get such a pang when I see Facebook status of work events etc.

The first few months were grand, applying for jobs, collecting the dole and to be honest, with the lovely summer weather we had, it was kind of nice to be off. Myself & DH moved to a new house in a new county (renting) and it was a chance for me to settle in, get the house in order, have friends & family visit.

But now at this stage, with Christmas looming and weddings / parties to go to, being out of work for so long has seriously shaken my confidence. Being at home alone so much, trying not to spend money or waste diesel going places, it eats away at my confidence even more. Feels like I only ever wear tracksuits these days, what about my wardrobe of lovely workwear, untouched for months.

People asking how's the job-hunt going, and the long boring days with little human interaction can easily lead to feeling down...I try not to use the term depression as that is so serious and I have a lot to be grateful for, though I can understand how easily a person in this situation could slip into depression.

Positive thinking and expressing gratitude are keeping my spirits up. DH has been a wonderful support, I don't talk about my feelings much but he always makes me laugh and never pressures me about anything. I have two dear friends who were unemployed for long spells, both back working now, but they completely understand how it feels and are good to talk to.

I feel like I have to stick on a happy face for everyone else though and it is draining, making out like everything is grand.
My JSB is coming to an end this month and I have been means tested for JSA instead, currently waiting to hear if they will cut my dole. DH is on a low wage so praying that they won't cut it.
On a happier note I had an interview this week (first one all year) for a short term contract, it went well & I am hopeful, should hear back next week. It would only be a couple of months' work but it would be money for Christmas and earning PRSI again. But my confidence has been so shaken that I almost feel like I don't deserve a job anymore, completely irrational but that is how messed up my head is.

Anyway enough rambling, I just want to say you are not alone Birdster. Keep positive by focusing on the good things in life, family & friends - don't be afraid to open up to someone about how hard it is being out of work.

I am glad for good health, a roof over our heads, DH, family & friends, if it's a nice sunny day, if we had a nice dinner - anything at all I can think of to be happy about. It might sound a bit pathetic to be grateful for such small things as dinner & weather (!) but it keeps out the negative chatter in my mind.
Louise Hay has positive affirmations, her books and audio tapes (on iTunes) are wonderful, I find them a great benefit and highly recommend her work - maybe your local library has her books?

There are days I avoid the news & papers, it's all so negative I could ponder on the bad stuff all day & then be in a weird mood by the time DH comes home.

Keep applying for jobs & have faith in your C.V.
If you are religious say a novena (a religious friend gave me a novena that helped her to get a job - I started it & a week later I got this interview, I can PM it to you if you like).
Keep up the positive thinking / expressing gratitude to keep the blues away.
Best of luck OP, try to see this cr@ppy time as just a short phase on life's long journey.

username123

It's very difficult.

Get a routine, make some goals, and stick with it.

When I was redundant I spent each day doing this:
Morning, clean up house. Go for swim or run.
Midday, lunch, job search.
Afternoon, study, walk in park, chores.
Evening, prepare evening meal, normal evening then on.

I studied a lot, gained new skills, became as fit as I could, and just kept looking.

Birdster

Ladybetty, thank you for your post. A few tears slipped out reading it because it rings so true. I don't have a partner, share a house with a pensioner and I'm waiting to see a consultant with a health issue so some days like today I don't have the reserves to deal with it all.

It's good to know I'm not alone in the struggle. I'll have a look for Louise Hay, name rings a bell but I've never knowingly read her work. I'm glad your interview went well, I had a meeting with an agency this week and the girl was awful, there were no potential jobs but she had no interest in even meeting me. I left feeling ridiculous and even more useless than before I went in. I understand what you mean by you feel you don't deserve a job. I find getting these rejections is making me feel older too for some stupid reason, like I'm past my sell by date.

Username123 I do have a routine, even if my location changes, I still go to the gym and search for jobs everyday. I plan my days so I have a focus. However it does get weary, because everyday ends up being the same like a repetitive rehearsal until the play begins only I don't know if or when the play will begin. I appreciate your reply though, every bit helps.

LadyBetty

Don't worry Birdster something will come up, this phase is a blip in life - I know what you mean about feeling old though, a lot of jobs in my profession are specifically seeking newly qualified people i.e. will work for less money It gets disheartening when agencies don't even bother calling back, never mind employers, that girl you saw should have been more professional.

Definitely check out Louise Hay "You can heal your life" and she has other works such as "Feeling fine affirmations", you can download off iTunes either.

I'll pm you the novena, no harm to try it.

Hope your health issue is OK

Heckler

Birdster wrote: »

I'm struggling since redundancy in January, I think prior to that it was a difficult end to a long career in this company. Feeling more and more useless with nothing to do until your date came up. I went away for a couple of months after it to chill out and relax which I enjoyed but for the most part the stress of coming back to Ireland and facing reality was always hanging around.

I'm back since May, I'm mid-30's and struggling to get a job since. I'm losing my sharpness and feeling more useless by the day. I can't even take any pride in my achievements anymore. I think part of me thinks I'm just on holidays from my previous company and that I'll be going back shortly, probably because I worked there for so long.

I have lost my motivation and confidence completely and don't know how to get it back. I don't have much of a support network and since everyone knows someone in this position I don't want to bother anyone I know by talking about this to them.

If there is someone else that was in this position, please tell me how you pushed yourself out of it, how to get back to where you were. I feel like I'm slipping slowly into depression and I really can't afford for that to happen.

Could have written that myself. Laid off about 4 months ago after 15 years with the same company. 40 years old. Also separated from my wife last christmas so am living with my sister. some bitch of a year.

first couple of months are ok. kinda like being on holiday. But it gets old fast.

Keep your chin up. Keep applying for jobs and try to keep your mind occupied.

Best of luck with everything.

Fittle

LadyBetty, could you pm me that novena please - every little helps

LadyBetty

No problem, pm'd you Fittle.

Birdster

Heckler wrote: »

Could have written that myself. Laid off about 4 months ago after 15 years with the same company. 40 years old. Also separated from my wife last christmas so am living with my sister. some bitch of a year.

first couple of months are ok. kinda like being on holiday. But it gets old fast.

Keep your chin up. Keep applying for jobs and try to keep your mind occupied.

Best of luck with everything.

God Heckler that's rough dealing with a separation and living with a relative. Even though it's better than being homeless nothing prepares you for the lack of privacy and independence you were used to. Good luck to you too, I hope next year is better for you.

username123

I was thinking about this last night. Just in terms of fresh starts, has anyone considered looking for jobs on the other side of the country or even NI? Myself and hubby looked into emigration a couple of years ago but were too old for most places, but Dubai was a possibility. So maybe have a think about something like that?