Work mistreatment = depression & breakdown & maybe hospital? <MOD WARNING post 2>

LegacyUser

This is hard, I am in a huge situation that I will try and condense and I am so lost in it now.

I worked in a place where I got on well with most people, had a natural talent at the job and I spent a lot of time helping people.

I am an introvert and non confrontational. Can be a little shy and found it hard to stand up for myself.

One of the people I worked with was a loud aggressive bitter man stagnating in the same position for years and giving everyone around him a very hard time. A lot of stress in the room leads back to this guy.

Our manager was quite laid back, paid very little attention to what was actually going on on our team and extremely absent minded.

Unfortunately I ended up some how becoming the wipping boy in my workplace, anything that went wrong was my fault. Detailed explanations on the truth of situations were ignored.

The aggressive guy began to out right bully me, by way of making me out to be a fool to my manager, dumping rubbish on my desk, making sure any demeaning tasks always went to me.

My manager routinely blamed me largely out of convenience for a lot of things, even for things I was not involved in or indeed out of work on holidays for.

I was very good at helping others and training in new people, but I soon found the people I was training in where getting tasks I had been asking for for months, and I was first choice for any cleaning tasks that needed doing.

This went on for two years and I became extremely depressed. Suicidal fantasy's were very common.

Attempts to resolve the situation backfired every time. Apon hearing how upset I was at unfair treatment, my manager began scrambling ways to find justification for my treatment. Criticisms usually being totally off the wall or extremely vague with no actual examples.

Attempts to bring up bullying issues were initially laughed off, or told "that's just the way he is, ignore him, to finally "you just have to treat him like a school bully". And a general attitude of I had to learn some life lesson of being treated this way by this person, part of working there was putting up with him and if you didn't like it, its your fault and not his.

He would tell you to do something one week only to condemn you for doing it the following week. He was just one of those characters who spent most of his time making sure others looked bad and making himself out to be the bees knees. But he really stepped up his antics after I complained to my manager about him.

Eventually I had a break down in work, in HR. As I tried to seek help about all this, I hardly got to explain a thing. The entire situation had worn down my self-worth and esteem.

I was sent home only to suffer a month of anxiety attacks. This scared the hell out of me.

I have not been back to work since. I want justice for what they did to me. They made me out to be something I am not, so as to justify their treatment of me and it drove me very close to suicide a number of times.

But I don't know how strong a case I will have for any kind of justice. I can't go back their again. I can't bare the thought of seeing those people again. But I don't know what to do and am very lost.

Its been months now and the depression has got to the stage where it is being suggested that I go to St Patricks Hospital. Which I can't ****ing believe I am in this position.

I dunno what to do. I am haunted hourly by the memories of various events in work where I was mistreated, lied about or blamed for something that was not my fault. The idea that they can do that to someone and get away with it kills me.

But I'm devastated by the idea of having to end up in hospital because of all this, I have just started new anti depressants and feel like just trying them out for awhile before I end up there.

I feel that, in the end its all a waste of time because I wont be able to find happiness until I resolve what was done to me in there. But I have no clue as to how strong a case I have. The bully didn't attack me or out right call me names. Just made my time in there hard and use every opportunity to make me out to be useless to my manager (even lied)

My manager treated me extremely unfairly and constantly u-turned on things they said to me, from one meeting to the next, whatever suited them at the time to make sure the situation appeared that I was just completely useless and totally at fault for any unfair treatment.


Has anyone been in anything close to my position and gotten justice?

Taltos

OP - we cannot give you legal advice, so I am going to leave this thread open for the moment to allow others to post in other ways to help you.

In regards to getting justice, please talk to a legal professional. None of us here are qualified to help in this regard, so seek out someone who specialises in cases such as your - that is your best bet.

Taltos

There's not much advice I can give you, apart from get help and try to move passed this, if you can. However, on a personal note - if you manage to figure out how, then I hope you get as much justice as you can. I've always held a very dim view on bullying.

JuliusCaesar

If you are not already a member of a trade union, join one. They are well used to dealing with this kind of thing and can give excellent (and free) advice. Although you don't have a right to be represented by a TU official, you *do* have a right to be a union member.

If you have VHI or other health insurance, go private for mental health care; if not, go for public (free) mental health care. You need to look after your own well-being first and foremost. After that, you can think about battling work.

ABajaninCork

OP - I would get together a diary of events. Start writing down everything that's happened, with times and dates if you can.

Has any of your interactions with your manager been in writing? I would also approach HR and get any records relating to your complaints. Finally - get hold of a good solicitor specialising in employee relations or approach a trade union.

I hope it works out for you.

Mayboy

Hi there,

I read this and a lot of it rang true for me. Due to significant issues in my life I ended up being bullied in two jobs. In my last job it was pretty consistent for two years, despite reporting it to HR, making complaints etc.

In 2010 I had a complete burnout, hospitalisation (in another country while there for work) - basically my body closed down because I ignored all the signals it sent me. I had a really difficult year of anxiety/ depression & panic attacks, I went to a psychotherapist and my life started to come back together.

There are a few things I learned:

1. I'm a pretty strong, good and resilient person despite the burnout.
2. We all have a time when we are fragile and this is allowed.
3. The person that bullied me was (to put it kindly) deeply troubled and chose to vent his issues with me.
4. If we are bullied we may not realise it until afterwards - with much self loathing and pity. Don't get me wrong - bullying is a really awful thing to experience but we do have responsibilities to exercise if we experience it, that said very few of us do exercise these responsibilities because we are in such a bad place we can't see it.
5. Feel the anger and sadness/ emotion that would be normal for the situation.
6. See if you can see how it would be for the bully - I'm not condoning his/her behavior but imagine the ****ty life they have if they think that that's ok to do what they did to you. You are in a luckier place of seeing what is wrong even though it's difficult.
7. Work with a mental health professional to address why you are in the place you are, what contributed to it, how you can prevent it happening again.
8. Appreciate that it is part of you and will pass.
9. If you feel unsafe or suicidal you must ask for help IT IS NOT A WEAKNESS TO SAY YOU ARE FEELING UNSAFE.

10. I think that this situation will offer amazing insights and probably change your life for the better.

I look at my situation and although I still have issues to resolve and have 'buttons' that get pressed with regard to my previous employer/ boss ..well I just feel so happy that my precious life has not got them in it - I don't hate them, they are just a past of the past.

I really wish you the best, look at this as a beginning and not an end, a trasition where you have to face difficult truths. Stay with the difficulty and you'll learn to overcome almost anything.

Finally, it's not for everyone, but I found the John Kabat Zinn Mindfulness book amazing - daily practice and working with a psychotherapist changed my life.

Take care of yourself & sorry for the big long post.

X

Mayboy

Sorry, I meant to add. Maybe you should see a HR professional that can look at the case but really have to ask yourself if you want the stress of this right now, that said sometimes you can get resolution quickly, particularly if the situation is clear cut. I have no idea of your actual situation but in mine i was happy to leave with my pay and my medical costs paid because I was so unhappy and in a v. difficult place.

Don't get me wrong for ages afterwards I was beating myself up about 'whether I should have taken a case etc)' but really now I've learned to say that it is in the past, more importantly I wanted to learn how I was in that situation and how to prevent it happening again. Talk to an employment law specialist and see what they say - they may be able to get you closure which will give you space. Remember you will feel very hurt for a long time but this does not define you - there's a new life waiting for you.

Take care.