Boyfriend with an irritating habit

LegacyUser

I'm new to relationships so this might be a common problem in one sense. I've been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months. We have a great relationship and it has been smooth sialing up until this point. He is a laid back man, which I love, but this personality has shown a different side.

Basically any time I am with him and we get a take away coffee, or just a snack in a shop, he eats/drinks his food and throws the rubbish on the ground! He normally doesn't do this around people (unless he has been drinking), but whenever it is just the two of us, he throws litter anywhere. He even throws chewing gum on the ground.

I am not as laid back as him, I am someone who (mostly) follows all the rules. Normally I would hate when someone does this, and I would make a point of saying something, even to a random stranger, if they littered, but I am finding it hard to confront him. I don't want to damage our relationship, especially so early on. I don't want him to think I am stuck up and taking things too seriously.

Am I worrying too much about this? Is it something I should mention to him or do I just ignore it? I just don't know how to approach it.

Magicmatilda

I had this experience though my boyfriend was from a different country with a different culture. I told him that that wasn't cool here. I explained how when I was young there was a whole don't be a litte bug campaign and this would be frowned upon by most people in my age group, in fact most people in general. His country is different but he stopped doing it. I think you should say something to him. I would because it would big me that much.

homemadecider

That's pure scummy behaviour. Be honest with him next time it happens, ask him to pick it up and put it in the bin.

If he's a nice guy, he will be mortified and pick up the litter. If he's an idiot, he'll get defensive/ angry and refuse to pick it up.

Personally I would not be able to put up with the level of childishness that involves just flinging rubbish on the ground.

encore1

Wow, he sounds like a great catch... For a neanderthal!
How unbelievably disrespectful of him. He THROWS empty food wrappers on the ground?! I have a 5 year old nephew who wouldn't do that. Will he do the same with his plate if you invite him round for dinner?!

If you can't resist confronting strangers over this kind of behaviour then i really don't see how you'll be able to stick it out with this guy.

If he has that little respect for you (and himself...and everything around him) at this early stage its not a great sign tbh.
Most people are tying their damndest to impress eachother at this point...is this his way of doing that?!

Best of luck with it OP

Merkin

homemadecider wrote: »

Personally I would not be able to put up with the level of childishness that involves just flinging rubbish on the ground.

Me either, it's a bugbear of mine. I just think littering shows a flagrant disregard for other people as it is more or less saying "some other fecker can pick it up". Either that or just sheer pig ignorance and bad manners.

You need to say this to them OP. He's embarrassing himself and he risks incurring a fine as well. You can't just dump rubbish and not give it a second thought. Next time he does it say that it really annoys you as it shows lack of consideration for other people and for the environment.....grrrr :mad:

Pippy1976

Oh my God, honestly, if it's bothering you that much (and I'd be exactly the same as you - have NO time for littering) then say it to him.

If it's going to jeopardise your relationship because you told your partner to put something in the bin then it's probably not a relationship that is going to weather the storm.

Honestly, say it if it bugs you that much.

litterbug wrote: »

I'm new to relationships so this might be a common problem in one sense. I've been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months. We have a great relationship and it has been smooth sialing up until this point. He is a laid back man, which I love, but this personality has shown a different side.

Basically any time I am with him and we get a take away coffee, or just a snack in a shop, he eats/drinks his food and throws the rubbish on the ground! He normally doesn't do this around people (unless he has been drinking), but whenever it is just the two of us, he throws litter anywhere. He even throws chewing gum on the ground.

I am not as laid back as him, I am someone who (mostly) follows all the rules. Normally I would hate when someone does this, and I would make a point of saying something, even to a random stranger, if they littered, but I am finding it hard to confront him. I don't want to damage our relationship, especially so early on. I don't want him to think I am stuck up and taking things too seriously.

Am I worrying too much about this? Is it something I should mention to him or do I just ignore it? I just don't know how to approach it.

P. Breathnach

If you don't want to confront him directly, why not pick up the litter he discards and put it in a bin?

Once, only once. If he doesn't get the message, then you know that you and he have a compatibility problem.

IrishEyes19

I dont think its a relationship that is on the right track anyway if you can't confront him about it. It's not just going to get better.

Bar the fact that it's disgusting behaviour, he has no respect for the environment or for the people who have to come behind him and have to deal with it and clean it up.

Meauldsegosha

litterbug wrote: »

I am not as laid back as him, I am someone who (mostly) follows all the rules. Normally I would hate when someone does this, and I would make a point of saying something, even to a random stranger, if they littered, but I am finding it hard to confront him. I don't want to damage our relationship, especially so early on. I don't want him to think I am stuck up and taking things too seriously.

Why would you hold your boyfriend to a lesser standard than a stranger? I wouldn't care if I was dating him two weeks or two months, if he littered in front of me I would definitely say something. If he thinks you are stuck up because you have a problem with people littering then he is not much of a person and lacks basic human decency.

m'lady

From the age of about 2/3 I'd have known not to throw rubbish on the ground, and my daughter is the same, she's nearly 13 now and comes home with all sorts of wrappers in her pockets because she knows NOT TO THROW RUBBISH on the ground.

This behaviour would sicken me and I would have to say it, plus he obviously knows what he's doing is wrong as he doesn't do it in front of others?

He needs to grow up and stop behaving like a dirty animal.

Boombastic

say it straight to him. if you were to move with him in the future..does he do this at home, would you be expected to pick up after him?


regardless, it's a filthy habit and most adults and children know it's not. acceptable

banquo

Just say it to him.

"Listen, not to be a nag but there's something you do that drives me absolutely mental."

/He's afraid it's something really bad or sexual

"I know it seems small, but when we're together, could you put your rubbish in public bins?"

If he's in any way normal he'll have no trouble making a small change in behaviour for his partner.

loveisdivine

If anyone littered infront of me, husband, family, friends I would be pulling them up on it instantly.
It is one of my biggest "pet hates" and to be honest I think anyone that knowingly litters is selfish and ignorant.

Holsten

Yep, it's just REALLY childish and VERY scummy.

100% mention it to him and tell him to cop on, makes him sound like a complete moron.

LegacyUser

I guess you are all right. I just don't like having to say something. I know I shouldn't have to, and he should know, but we haven't had any arguements or any sort of disagreement and I hate to be the person to bring it up.

On a related note, I think it might be his friends that are influencing him to do this kind of thing. I've met a few of them and they are not like him at all. They can be obnoxious, lazy, low achievers and very much womanisers. He is entirely the opposite and it puzzles me to why he hangs around with them. It's like his friends are still teenage boys.

You might say "he could be like that when he's not around you" but I know he's not because other people that know him (not friends) said he's not like that at all.

Sorry for getting side tracked but I just thought that his friends might be a negative influence, causing him to do things like this because he is a very intelligent and considerate person and thats why I was so surprised to see him litter so blatently.

Pippy1976

I wouldn't even bother with the 'hey, there's something you do that really bothers me' angle.

I'd get straight to the point by saying 'excuse me, can you not do that, please? Thank you.'

No point pussy-footing around. If it bothers you say it.

Merkin

litterbug wrote: »

I just thought that his friends might be a negative influence, causing him to do things like this because he is a very intelligent and considerate person and thats why I was so surprised to see him litter so blatently.

You can't mean this surely? If he was a five year old brat being encouraged by other rude children then maybe but he's evidently an adult and an adult who should know better. It's a disgusting and rude thing that HE does, regardless of the company he keeps. If he likes you also then he may be a little ashamed but you should definitely say it.

m'lady

On a related note, I think it might be his friends that are influencing him to do this kind of thing. I've met a few of them and they are not like him at all. They can be obnoxious, lazy, low achievers and very much womanisers. He is entirely the opposite and it puzzles me to why he hangs around with them. It's like his friends are still teenage boys.

You might say "he could be like that when he's not around you" but I know he's not because other people that know him (not friends) said he's not like that at all.

Sorry for getting side tracked but I just thought that his friends might be a negative influence, causing him to do things like this because he is a very intelligent and considerate person and thats why I was so surprised to see him litter so blatently.[/quote]

But you said he didn't do it in front of people unless he was drunk? Anyway regardless of that he's an adult and if he is that immature to influenced by his friends (which I don't believe) then do you really want to be in a relationship with him?

m'lady

litterbug wrote: »

I guess you are all right. I just don't like having to say something. I know I shouldn't have to, and he should know, but we haven't had any arguements or any sort of disagreement and I hate to be the person to bring it up.

On a related note, I think it might be his friends that are influencing him to do this kind of thing. I've met a few of them and they are not like him at all. They can be obnoxious, lazy, low achievers and very much womanisers. He is entirely the opposite and it puzzles me to why he hangs around with them. It's like his friends are still teenage boys.

You might say "he could be like that when he's not around you" but I know he's not because other people that know him (not friends) said he's not like that at all.

Sorry for getting side tracked but I just thought that his friends might be a negative influence, causing him to do things like this because he is a very intelligent and considerate person and thats why I was so surprised to see him litter so blatently.[/

But you said he didn't do it in front of people unless he was drunk? Anyway regardless of that he's an adult and if he is that immature to influenced by his friends (which I don't believe) then do you really want to be in a relationship with him?

IrishEyes19

litterbug wrote: »

I guess you are all right. I just don't like having to say something. I know I shouldn't have to, and he should know, but we haven't had any arguements or any sort of disagreement and I hate to be the person to bring it up.

On a related note, I think it might be his friends that are influencing him to do this kind of thing. I've met a few of them and they are not like him at all. They can be obnoxious, lazy, low achievers and very much womanisers. He is entirely the opposite and it puzzles me to why he hangs around with them. It's like his friends are still teenage boys.

You might say "he could be like that when he's not around you" but I know he's not because other people that know him (not friends) said he's not like that at all.

Sorry for getting side tracked but I just thought that his friends might be a negative influence, causing him to do things like this because he is a very intelligent and considerate person and thats why I was so surprised to see him litter so blatently.

No, OP, you can't let that slide, friends as influence, this is a grown man, not an adolescent. Basic respect comes from the home, not just school, its a personal choice, if he chooses to be a litter bug, HE CHOOSES to be a litter bug. You get to a stage in your life where you have to be in ownership of your own actions, and if he really is influenced by his friends at his age, well....that's another red flag for you.

Id be concerned that you seem very preoccupied with keeping things rosy an avoiding awkward conversation with this guy. that is a relationship, people disagreeing on things and coming to a solution together, no relationship will ever stand the test of time without conflict, you cant accept this type of behaviour in fear of rocking the boat.

banquo

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

No, OP, you can't let that slide, friends as influence, this is a grown man, not an adolescent. Basic respect comes from the home, not just school, its a personal choice, if he chooses to be a litter bug, HE CHOOSES to be a litter bug. You get to a stage in your life where you have to be in ownership of your own actions, and if he really is influenced by his friends at his age, well....that's another red flag for you.

Id be concerned that you seem very preoccupied with keeping things rosy an avoiding awkward conversation with this guy. that is a relationship, people disagreeing on things and coming to a solution together, no relationship will ever stand the test of time without conflict, you cant accept this type of behaviour in fear of rocking the boat.

Nails it tbh.

Idle Passerby

Your boyfriends littering has nothing to do with him being a "laid back" person, its more to do with him being arrogant and disgusting.

heretochat

Littering is one thing that really gets to me as well. It shows an underlying attitude of laziness, a lack of respect and general badness.

I also would ask why the OP seems to be so afraid of pointing this disgusting behaviour out to this lad.

Mighty_Mouse

No, no, no, no ,no ...........!!!
Sweet lord. This is just ignorant.
The only way to deal with ignorance is to confront it.

In fact, I have been known to pick up litter that people have dropped and hand it back to them. Usually they are so stunned there's no need for explanation.

ShaShaBear

He's clearly not "intelligent" by any stretch of the imagination if he thinks he should mimic that kind of behaviour.
The longer you leave it, the more he will assume you have no problem with it. Bins aren't placed 20 feet apart on every street so that people can drop rubbish on the ground?

I made my partner stop in a hard shoulder, get out of his car and walk back to pick up an empty Coke can that he threw out his window. He was very redfaced and didn't speak to me the rest of the car journey, but once he calmed down he realised that he was in the wrong (he would always use a bin on foot) and has never done it since.

If you're afraid to tell him not to litter when you can stop a complete stranger, who might react with complete, and possibly violent unpredictability, then there is a bigger issue here.

December2012

You shouldn't be afraid to bring something up. You should be able to communicate openly and honestly.

I'm always wary of couples who NEVER disagree on anything.

Teyla Emmagan

He won't act like that in front of other people, but he will in front of you? He knows his behaviour is wrong, but he's not worried about your censure for his (frankly appalling) behaviour because you're afraid to open your mouth to him. Does he not respect you as much as he does his mates, or whoever the other people are he doesn't litter in front of?

None of this is good OP, you should take a hard look at this relationship.